Spoons has been permanently banned for posting a true statement in this thread.Originally Posted by Spoons
Order of Kilopi
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When I hacked a random computer in Russia, I stumbled upon some documents from the owner: comrade Igor Plotski, chief planner for the section ultra secret surprise weapons. It turns out that they had a foolproof plan to quickly overrun the USA using conventional weapons only. The initial first strike, right before the invasion, involved dropping the F-bomb, leaving at least half the population and military stunned, shocked, and in awe. The FCC has been notified in order to find ways to reduce this effect.
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Honored Member
The secret formulas for Coca Cola and hot dogs are identical.
Order of Kilopi
Soylent Cola is back on the market, because people love people.
Administrator
Before the launch of Friendship 7, Alan Shepard is famously remembered for his quote "Why don't you just fix your little problem and light this candle?" What not many people know is that he wasn't referring to the Redstone rocket, but to an actual candle. Wernher von Braun was an early advocate of aroma therapy, and would light a scented candle just before each launch.
Honored Member
Much like Neil Armstrong's "...small step for... man...", most people don't realize that some words were clipped from Shepard's quip. Von Braun liked to eat a hearty plate of sauerkraut for luck prior to every launch attempt, which meant the blockhouse by ignition time had become a local fire hazard. It drove the astronaut crazy. What Shepard actually said was, " Wernher, why don't you just fix your little problem? And don't light this candle."
Order of Kilopi
Neil Armstrong and Sheryl Crow make a great couple.
Order of Kilopi
Napoleon actually said....
March is on it's stomach....
Honored Member
One swallow does not make ten thousand Donna Summers.
Administrator
A couple of whats, I'll never know.
No really, I'll never know. No matter how long I live, no matter how hard I try, I will just never know what Armstrong and Crow would make a couple of.
As Shakespeare said, there are somethings Mort that are just not dreamt of in your sleepy time.
Order of Kilopi
Shakespeare's greatest disappointment was never winning the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.
Established Member
Tales of Genji failed to win Nobel Prize of Literature.
Please visit my blog:
http://completereality.wordpress.com
Administrator
Prime numbers are the numbers you first put up on a blackboard, to cover up the dark color. You can then put any color of number you like on there, without the blackboard showing through.
Applying the prime numbers is usually the task of graduate students in Mathematics.
Honored Member
Prime numbers are more well-marbled than Choice numbers. When cooked, prime numbers remain more tender and go down easier.
Administrator
Such certification is made by the U.S.D.A., the United States Department of Arithmetic.
Honored Member
I would appreciate it if everyone here bought a copy of the new children's anthology Tsk! Tsk! Lutefisk! available from Lye Books. My contribution, When Lutefisk is Outlawed, Only the Outlaws Will Have Lutefisk, Thank God, is written in a Theodore Giesel style with overtones of Go, Dog, Go!
Where did you get this jellied blob?
I look at it and shut my gob
It's really quite good (the anthology, not the lutefisk), containing a reprint of Kipling's famous Just-So story How the Lutefisk Got Its Creepy Quiver.
Administrator
I have periodically looked at it in the bookstore, but I found the language much too caustic. I basically couldn't understand why people liked it. Though the fact that you wrote something for it Mike does put me in a pickle.
Honored Member
Sorry you find the language caustic; I think it's at an appropriately basic level (9-11) for the intended audience. No litmus tests for my readers, though.
Administrator
Isn't that biblical story about NaOH's ark in that collection?
Order of Kilopi
I just LOVE jellied liver & peanut butter sandwiches.With some sloppy raisin-carrot salad on the side.
Administrator
An international panel of experts has decided that this is the seventh most disgusting thing ever presented on the Internet.
Order of Kilopi
...AND anchovies!
Yeah: Jellied liver, peanut butter AND anchovy sandwiches. Yum!! With a big blop of Hunt's ketchup and dab of horseradish over all.
Established Member
The Duchy of Fenwick's parliament has recalled the Duke, Duchess and her body guard from the Lunar station, to taste and judge Buttercup's favorite sandwich.
Administrator
Issac Newton has 17 different pet dogs during his adult life; every one of them was named "Mister Winklestein".
Order of Kilopi
Order of Kilopi
Happiness is a peanut rattling around in a tennis ball.
Administrator
That explains Serena Williams last victory.
Order of Kilopi
And her outfit, I presume.
Administrator
The opposite of outfit is infit.
Administrator
I am working on a screenplay for a time-travel science fiction movie where a women goes back in time and becomes her own mother.
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