The Borough of Fenwick has changed its name to "Catherine Hepburn Never Lived Here."
Order of Kilopi
The Borough of Fenwick has changed its name to "Catherine Hepburn Never Lived Here."
Order of Kilopi
I didn't go to work today because my scuba gear isn't working.
So many bugs, so little time.
Honored Member
I lent my pancreas to a friend of mine and now he won't give it back. So I'm keeping his power drill.
Order of Kilopi
I'm eating four fried chickens, some white bread...and a Coke.
I'm famished after gunning my former police car through a crowd of Illinois Nazis on a bridge, forcing them to throw themselves over and into the river.
Don't let your reality checks bounce. ~MeI'll tell you in the next life, when we are both cats.
Honored Member
It's a 106 miles to Chicago. We got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
I believe this sums up life.
Hit it.
Order of Kilopi
...and tonight we're jamming at Bob's Country Bunker.
We'll pretend the beer is "on the house", right?
Don't let your reality checks bounce. ~MeI'll tell you in the next life, when we are both cats.
Honored Member
It'll be OK, I got my pack of Chesterfields.
Order of Kilopi
Right on.
But I'm worried about that ex-fiancee of yours. You know: The one who reads blow-torch manuals while polishing her nails?
Let's stay clear of ALL phone booths. Okay?
Don't let your reality checks bounce. ~MeI'll tell you in the next life, when we are both cats.
Order of Kilopi
It's sad, really, but I have no idea what you guys are talking about. You'll have to excuse me now because I have to go to the county assessor's office to pay some back taxes. I just hope the guy who keeps pitching movie plots to me isn't there. I hate that guy.
So many bugs, so little time.
Order of Kilopi
We're on East Lower Whacker Avenue now...VROOOOM!!
Uh oh! That Nazi guy is chasing us; his toadie is driving.
Hey...let's lure them onto that unfinished overpass! **snicker**
Don't let your reality checks bounce. ~MeI'll tell you in the next life, when we are both cats.
Administrator
Moderators are now authorized to hit disappointing members with rulers, particularly if they have filthy mouths and bad attitudes.
Established Member
Awesome!
Administrator
You are all wrong, this is not a new thread, split off from the Leave an Untrue Fact! (!!!) thread, and particularly not because the old thread had over 5000 posts. Why would you even think such a thing?
And no the title is exactly the same, of course it is, I mean its the same thread.
Order of Kilopi
For posting in an already closed thread, the ruler thwacks for you, Swift.
So many bugs, so little time.
Administrator
Queen Thwacks was the first female ruler of Babylon, ruling from 53 BC to 37 BC.
Moderator & Sausage Gawd
Except for the period 49–48 BC when she was vacationing with friends at Meno Beach in southern Mesopotamia. Similar to modern day spring break, this was known at the time as the Meno Pause.Originally Posted by Swift
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Order of Kilopi
Mods have no sense of humor.
Honored Member
WACKER Drive! Lower WACKER Drive!
Argh! Argh! It's... it's... a PET PEEVE coming on!
By the way, what do others feed their pet peeve?
I usually let mine forage for itself.
Order of Kilopi
I usually feed my pet peeves candied violets, except for the ones I have to feed raw livers. Sometimes, they just graze on my disappointments and leftover resentments.
So many bugs, so little time.
Order of Kilopi
Liver is a dish best served cold, to somebody you deeply love.
Order of Kilopi
Impersonal attacks are now considered courtship.
Order of Kilopi
The term "courtship" derives from the ancient Viking custom of royalty taking their mistresses out in a knórr, so they could have their assignation in private.
Order of Kilopi
Every Thursday I tie a roast chicken to the back of my car, turn up my favourite mixtape of classical music to full volume and drive through the business district shirtless while tweaking my nipples.
Administrator
That is not close to enough information. Do you have a video, or maybe a PowerPoint presentation?
Administrator
Before the invention of the rubber chicken, comedians tried to use rubber flank steaks, but they weren't funny enough.
Order of Kilopi
"The Onion" to charge for content, starting 2011.
Established Member
Retroactive from 2011 BC, that's to say.
Honored Member
I have a rubber onion that's hilarious at certain parties. I bang it against a rubber liver and yell, "IT TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!"
Order of Kilopi
Before the invention of rubber, comedians had to use real chickens.
Order of Kilopi
Camilla the Chicken of "The Muppets" fame, who Gonzo was madly in love with, was actually a rooster in drag.
Don't let your reality checks bounce. ~MeI'll tell you in the next life, when we are both cats.
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