opposite news

[peteshimmon]

0!=1


extreme mystery to some.

[Paul Beardsley]

60% of horses are actually pantomime horses, studies show

[mike alexander]

0!=1
1!=1

therefore

0!=1!

0!/!=1!/!

therefore

0=1

TA-DA

Next, I will demonstrate that

AGW = 0.99999999999.......

[peteshimmon]

Puh-leeze not that!

As for horses, very bad sampling!
Fifty percent of people have backed duff
runners leading to conclusions about
escaped pantomime varieties.

[bystander]

"Florida Woman Accused of Hitting Man with Raw Steak" - AP Headline


_________________________________
Oh, these weren't supposed to be real!

[bystander]

Oklahoma was blessed today with wonderful spring like weather. Sunshine, temperature in the 70s, with a light breeze. All in all, a wonderful day.

[Paul Beardsley]

Rest of year cancelled due to too much interest in Christmas

[bystander]

DDoS attack on Amazon, WalMart, et al, shuts down the entire internet for good.

[mike alexander]

People attack each other over interpretation of Savior's teachings. As usual.

[bystander]

The universe was created in a random bombing by a suicidal terrorist.

[Paul Beardsley]

Doctor Who Christmas Special actually quite good

[mike alexander]

Gifts to kobolds found to reduce frequency of earthquakes

[Paul Beardsley]

Lazy people "more likely to use lift*," studies show.

Coincidence found in work of fiction.

Shouting at foreigners improves communication after all, studies find.

Sherlock Holmes stories "are quite popular after all," recent studies find.

Wind-up torches "really do save on batteries," experts declare.

*Elevator** in US
**Lift in UK

[Otherworldly]

*Elevator** in US
**Lift in UK

You could get an infinite recursion going there!

[Paul Beardsley]

You could get an infinite recursion going there!

Strictly speaking, you can't - there are only 44,000,000 asterisks in the world, and most of them are used by other people.

[bystander]

But you only need 7, the original reference lift* and

*Elevator** in US
**Lift* in UK

Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.

Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused.

[Paul Beardsley]

bystander declared innocent

[bystander]

bystander declared innocent

Holiday declared! Everyone rejoices!

"I knew they had to find me innocent", innocent bystander says. "There just wasn't enough evidence to convict me."

[mike alexander]

Neighbors turn in serial killer after smell of decay gets to be 'a bit much'

'Vegan Vampire' saga breaks sales records worldwide

[Paul Beardsley]

Nothing happens

[mike alexander]

Middle East quiet for third straight year

NASA finalizes plans for comprehensive manned Mars Mission

Gerry Anderson announces remake of 'UFO' with even tighter costumes

[bystander]

• Charlie Sheen arrested for assaulting the fat kid from Two and a Half Men
  
• New species joins Americas fighting force
  
• Pugilistic Pope peppers opponent, still not enough for a win

[megrfl]

1) Because of global budget restraints there will be no New Year's Eve firework displays.

2) Overworked Mike Rowe has resigned from narrating every single solitary Discovery Channel show.

3) Avatar is a flop, earning just under $4,000,000,000.00 worldwide.

[dwnielsen]

Today's Wikipedia feature image did not remind me of ABR.

[bystander]

Obama Praises Coordination Efforts of US Intelligence Agencies

[ABR.]

Today's Wikipedia feature image did not remind me of ABR.

Thousands of unwanted pet tarantulas are being shipped from California to other states this week as arachnid shelters overflow with the large spiders. The tarantula craze, flamed by movies such as Raiders of the Lost Ark, Arachnophobia and 8-Legged Freaks, was further exacerbated by PetSmart's "Who wouldn't want a furry 8-legged critter crawling up your arm and gazing at you with all those unblinking black, black eyes?" campaign from earlier this year.

[LookingSkyward]

All cloud computing systems to be hosted in the skies above Seatlle

[tashirosgt]

EXCESS ENERGY MAY DOOM UNDERDEVELOPED NATIONS

"Free Energy" and "Over Unity" Devices Rampant

Lack of Government Controls

Economic Collapse Near, Thousands Injured


Abuja, Nigeria (CTC-Worldwide News) - Businessman Tony Abeegee sits on a rickety wooden chair in front of his small gas station in Abuja gazing at the traffic that passes on the street. Hardly any cars stop nowadays and he fears that he will soon be ruined. "It is the internet! It is the internet!", he says forlornly. He means that it is the internet that has given most drivers in the capital the ability to run their cars on water. "You, in America, you have the government. You have the MIBs. We only have a few of them. They cannot keep up!", he complains.

Even in urban areas like Abuja, the government is unable to suppress the widespread use of devices that use the so-called "Brown's Gas" made from water to power automobiles. Designs for such equipment are freely available on the internet. In developed nations, these inventions are kept in check by various government agencies and ridicule from the scientific establishment. However, in underdeveloped nations like Nigeria, the governments have few resources. Even with the aid of massive subsidies from major oil companies, the Nigerian government's force of "Men In Black" or "MIBs", has been unable to police the hundreds of small garage shops have sprung up advertising "Run Your Car On Water" kits.

I am granted an interview with "General X-2.", the commander of the Nigerian MIB organization. He picks me up in a limousine. I am grateful for its air conditioning. The general wears dark glasses. As we are driven through the streets, I cannot tell where he is looking, but I think he refuses to acknowledge the other cars that drive past us. Their streaming vapor trails obviously come from water based propulsion.

"All subsidy from your oil companies is spent wisely!", he insists. His hand makes a karate chop gesture on his knee to emphasize each word of his statement. "We cannot concentrate only on the water car problem. There are many other problem. We have the engines based on magnets. We have the various electrical devices that are over-unity. I must deal with all of these! This problem cannot be blamed on Nigeria. It is your country, the United States, that has caused the problem. You do not control the information on your internet. It does not matter what your scientists say. Nigeria is not an educated country. Do you expect illiterate people to listen to your scientists? No! They will simply try the machinery themselves and see that it works."

The General and I attend a review of one of his MIB regiments. In formation, they look determined and confident. Their black shoes are shiny and polished. But I have seen such men at work in the streets. Their shoes and suits become dusty and they have a harried and confused look on their faces.

Umbela Umbeeki is a delivery man whose makes his living traveling into the remote countryside. I ride with him in his overloaded truck and we head north of Abuja on very bad roads. He is called "paper man" because he prints out stacks of web pages to sell to the villagers. About 200 ft from a clearing, Umbela slows the truck to a crawl. I see a few primitive shacks ahead. Suddenly there is a loud "pop" and a giant spark leaps between the huts. Umbela blows the horn for several seconds. I young boy comes out of a shack. He motions for us to come. "Turn it off! Turn everything off!", yells Umbela. "It is off, paper man!", the boy assures him.

We drive into the clearing. Soon the truck is surrounded by a mob of people bargaining for goods. I cannot understand the negotiations, but I can make out the name "Tesla" being used over and over. Ubela sells four stacks of pages. He delivers a large spool of copper wire and some other electrical equipment.

As we drive away, Ubela explains, "They like the Tesla man. I always can sell if I have the Tesla pages. In the capital, they can get electricity from the power company. But out here, they must draw it from the air." (He is referring to the designs for "free energy" devices based on the work of Serbian-American engineer Nikola Tesla.)

"They have too much of it. They do not keep the electricity well. I am afraid to drive near the villages when the machines are turned on. They must turn then off or I will not drive in. Many people have already been killed. Three are killed in that village this month, two men, one child."

"Were these accidental electrocutions?", I ask.

"One man was killed by his wife with electricity. The others were accidents", Umbela replies. "The village people no longer cut wood. They all cook now with electricity."

"Do they have televisions and computers?", I ask.

"Not yet", he replies. "But someday when they can control the electricity, they will have them. And the internet too! Then they will no longer need the paper man. But I will find other goods to sell. I am ambitious!".

Our farthest stop on the trip is a partially rebuilt shack with the ruins of what looks like a large windmill beside it. For Umbela, this is both a mission of mercy and atonement. He takes a box of canned goods from the truck and brings it to the door of the shack. We are met by Ouaffu Domala and her daughter Shauta. Mrs. Domala eyes Ubela coldly but she lets him in the doorway. I remain outside and Shauta is more friendly.

"What was this thing?", I ask, pointing to the ruins.

"It was Uncle Tamuta's gravity engine", says Shauta. "He read papers from the paper man and built it."

"What happened to it? Did it break?", I ask.

"Uncle Tamuta built it and when he was finished, it began to turn. And it turned faster and faster and he could not stop it", says Shauta. "It shook our house and then Bwaaaa!". Shauta raises her tiny arms up in the air gesturing to indicate an explosion. "Father and Uncle Tamuta were killed. My brother was killed. Our house was broken."

Unfortunately, in this isolated rural area, there were no MIBs, no Masonic officials and no secret military organizations to deter Uncle Tamuta from tapping into the unlimited power of gravity. One can only hope that the story of the Domala family does not become the story of Nigeria or Africa or the whole underdeveloped world. Without the institutions to ration, regulate and control the flow of energy, many countries may literally erupt and explode as once forbidden knowledge is used to unleash the fundamental forces of the universe.

[MAPNUT]

Wow, that's brilliant, tashirosgt! Very opposite.

Quote from Bystander, above: "Easter comes on Christmas, millions confused."

Not opposite enough. Since Mary and Joseph went to Bethlehem to pay their taxes, Christmas should be around April 15th, therefore it's highly likely to coincide with Easter.

[Buttercup]

Tomorrow heralds the year 2100!