Um . . . The Secret History of Elizabeth Tudor, Vampire Slayer, "as told by Lucy Weston." Who claims to really be the Lucy Westenra killed in Dracula. Which, among other things, proves to me that the author has not actually read Dracula. This may be enjoyable anyway, but I doubt it will be anywhere near as enjoyable as Joe Golem and the Drowning City, by Mike Mignola and Christopher Golden, which I finished yesterday.
"Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"
"You can't erase icing."
"I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"