Shoot, you can get software which will run a chart for you and tell you what it all means, and you've been able to for twenty years or more. You can probably go into any New Age bookstore/Pagan supply store (like a Christian store, but more wands and Tarot cards) and get books about astrology. You can go to your local library--I don't remember the call number, but they're pretty close to the beginning.
"Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"
"You can't erase icing."
"I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"