Established Member
The premise of this is to start with a simple problem and generate needless mock memos, etc. so that in the end it is unrecogizable....(I think there is an acronym for that but it might be a good idea to avoid using....bad word). An example would be....a light bulb has burned-out and you need to notify someone to fix....
Administrator
To: All BAUT members
From: Swift
Date: 23 August 2007
Re: BBP's new thread in Fun-n-Games
It has come to my attention that banquo's_bumble_puppy (BBP) has started a new thread in the Fun-n-Games section of BAUT. The purpose of this thread is to take a simple problem and through the generation of "needless mock memos", complicate the problem so as to be unrecognizable. Such an exercise, by mocking situations common to the business world, should be perceived by the readers as amusing and humorous. This memo is intended to point this exercise out to those interested and, as they say, "get the ball rolling". Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Established Member
I am sorry, but I will currently be out of the office & unable to respond to your message between 16:00 23/08/07 and 17:00 23/08/07Originally Posted by Swift
If it is urgent please contact Urquart Pea-body on 436488463898534-2001
Regards
Roy Batty
Florescent maintenance Dept.
Established Member
To: Mr. Pea-body, Florescent maintenance Dept.
From: Banquo Bumble-Puppy
Date: 23.08.07
Subject: Lights
It has come to my attention that you have been left in charge of the Florescent maintenance Dept. in the absence of Mr. Batty. My request for lighting was simple and quite straight-forward. Can you explain to me why it took a crew of 20 men to accomplish this task, (which by the way is still outstanding)? Please advise
Banquo
Administrator
To: Banquo Bumble-Puppy
CC: Human Resources Department
From: Urquart Pea-body
Date: 8/23/07
Subject: Lights and personal insults
You should be aware that I am Ms. Pea-body. If you fail to address me properly I shall be forced to file the appropriate grievances. Second, I have received no lighting request. The only memos I have received in the last week regarding you were from Citizen Swift regarding your "joke" thread on BAUT. If you wish to have lighting installed or repaired, please fill out the appropriate requests (MFU-1589/58A) and return them to this office.
Established Member
To: Ms. Ugly Plea-Bargain
From: Banquo Bumble Puppy
Date: 8/23/07
Subject: Lights and personal insults and form MFU-1589/58A
Please accept my humble apologies for perceived insults on my part. I have been having a stressful week what with the low lighting levels in the self-sealing stem bolt department. Can you tell me where I might find form MFU-1589/58A? It's really dark in here.
BBP
Established Member
To: All and / or Sundry
From: Jocose Japes Associates
Date: 8/23/07
Subject: Lighted Threads, Threaded Lights, Leaded Tights, Insults
In reference to subclause 87 of paragraph C48 of section 32 of the Uniform Obstruction Code, be it advised that no other amplification of grievances concerning the issue of manual exactance may be given a lateral assist lacking the observation of the inverse party to which the frame recurs. Failure to meet these standards may result in unilateral divergence from the UOC, necessitating withdrawal of static measures to RNC, QSR defunctional inheritance stripping, and a non-terminal sequence of obfuscatory TLAs.
JJA
Director of Planning and Cyclicity
Department of Redundancy and Superfluous Reiteration. (DRSR)
Established Member
I am back in the office now.
First off I take a dim view of insults against any member of staff in my department. Which brings me to my next point: are you sure that the bulb in question is, in fact, a florescent? If it 'burnt out' as you said it did then it sounds more likely to be an incandescent which is handled by an entirely different section altogether.
Please note (& this is absolutely no reflection on Pea-body's excellent work here) that in any case the relevant form would be a 27b/6 with the appropriately modified suffix for the correct division.
I hope this has been of help in resolving your problem
Regards
Roy Batty
(now transferred to Halogen section).
Administrator
To: All personnel
From: Human Resource Department, Job Assignment Desk
Re: Reassignment of Roy Batty
Date: 07/08/23
As of 8:00 a.m. 07/08/24, Roy Batty has been reassigned from the Florescent Maintenance Department to the Halogen Section. In particular, Roy will be in charge of chlorine and iodine. Please join me in congratulating Roy on his new position.
P.S. Please forward this notice to all personnel without access to e-mail.
Order of Kilopi
From: Mr D. Stroyd
Ref: Light bulb replacement.
As this is light work, I am unable to attend, my insurance
only covers me to undertake heavy lifting, night shift duties.
Regards, Mr D.Stroyd.
Established Member
Dear Mr D.Stroyed
CC: all other previous recipients & then some I want to keep hidden.
It has recently come to my attention that we (in the UK) should stop referring to the afore mentioned lighting artefacts as 'bulbs'. Apparently the correct term is Lamps. It seems that the powers that be think that bulbs are something to be planted in the ground.
Regards
Roy Batty
Halogen Sectn: Chlorine, Bromine (but not Iodine).
Group 17 (formerly 7)
Order of Kilopi
So how would you lampoon Captain Beefheart's composition
'Fast and bulbous'?
Yours faithfully
A. Globe.
Established Member
I have no idea.
But, I have now notified gardening maintenance to dispose of the burnt out 'bulb' in the correct manner. They inform me they will be able to generate a work order with a proposed date for the action in no less than 20-30 days.
I trust this satisfactorily closes the matter.
Roy Batty
LED Team.
Order of Kilopi
It is almost two years since action was
requested regarding replacement lighting.
While we have found it possible to work in
the dark it is felt that savings on power
is minimal so please get that light fixed.
I am your humble servant,
I.B.Downtrodden.
Low Carbon Footprint memo paper.
Honored Member
Dear Colleague:
It appears the proper forms for Material Requisition Mk-34564 were never filed. Recall that electronic filing is preferred (see the Forms section at CompCo.bum) but that if a paper request is submitted it must be signed by the Section Supervisor and scanned into the proper E-file folder, with the original archived for the normal five-year period unless the write-down period for the item/procedure is greater than five years, in which case the form is to be kept indefiniely or until Accounting can confirm zeroing out the item/procedure.
It also appears that Human Resources was never informed of this matter. Recall that Company SOPs require HR be informed of everything, either by electronic filing (preferred) or if a paper request is submitted it must be signed by the Section Supervisor and scanned into the proper E-file folder, with the original archived for the normal five-year period.
A Form MK-476538 (confirmation of nonfiling of Material Requisition Mk-34564) must be filed as soon as possible. Recall that electronic filing is preferred (see the Forms section at CompCo.bum) but that if a paper request is submitted it must be signed by the Section Supervisor and scanned into the proper E-file folder, with the original archived for the normal five-year period.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. Please acknowledge receipt by filing Form MK-876485B.
Sincerely,
Quality Assurance
Administrator
To: I.B. Downtrodden
From: J. Fleebarker, Department of Corporate Communications, Office of Internal Complaints, Expired Thread Desk
Re: Your revival of Thread 63814
Date: 21 August 2009
Sir/Madam Downtrodden,
Before reviving old game threads, you must file the appropriate form. In this case, it would be form IFDF 1472-892/6, "Request for Thread Revival, Category Games, Sub-Category Business Humor". Please complete this form and return it to this office, with your supervisor's signature, before posting any further.
Administrator
To: All Thread Users
From: The Office of Thread Quality Assurance
Re: Nearly simultaneous joke responses
Date: 21 August 2009
We wish to apologize for the nearly simultaneous responses to the post by peteshimmon, Established Member. Actions have been taken so ensure that this does not happen in the future.
Order of Kilopi
Stuff your form Mk-34564 where this broken
lamp dont shine!
IBD
Low Carbon Footprint tissue paper.
BTW Drinks at usual.
Order of Kilopi
Ohm my gosh....Watt's going on here...
Mercy be...Our Patron...St.Amp Your Approval Soonest And ConCurrently Light Our Hearts....
Gogol And Ye Shall Find Taras Bulba
Order of Kilopi
To; Plant dept
Re; defective lighting
Please excuse my short reply of yesterday, it
was unprofessional.
The situation with the broken lamp has been
resolved in a most unusual way! Overnight a
magnificent crystal chandelier has been
installed by the training dept and illuminates
our area brilliently. Our dept is now
operating with enhanced efficiancy. We will
protect our new facility with the utmost
vigilance!
I remain your humble servant,
Ian B Downtrodden.
Low Carbon footprint lavender paper.
nb I meant to say "place" that form...etc.
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