The One CT Theory (OCTT)

[Van Rijn]

Johnny Carson used to promulgate the "One Fruitcake Theory." He proposed that someone, perhaps a century or more in the past, made a fruitcake, and that has been sent from one person to another at the holidays ever since, just passed on and on. You think you've seen other fruitcakes? That's packaging. And, of course, it is physically impossible to eat the one true fruitcake if you were crazy enough to try.

After seeing the same tired CT argument (a moon hoax claim) for the (hundredth?) time, I'd like to propose the "One Conspiracy Theorist Theory." There is only one CT, but he gets around a lot and is very good with disguises. The idea that there are multiple CTers is itself a conspiracy.

You have to admit - it makes more sense than many conspiracy theories!

[mugaliens]

And that one conspiracy theorist might be...?

[Josh]

It's Phil trying to drum up business. duh.

[Gillianren]

I believe there are either half a dozen at least, or else the one person's very good at disguising their posting style, which I think we can agree that few of them are. Compare David C/Rocky with Turbonium, and you'll see what I mean.

[Van Rijn]

I believe there are either half a dozen at least, or else the one person's very good at disguising their posting style, which I think we can agree that few of them are. Compare David C/Rocky with Turbonium, and you'll see what I mean.

Well, I am willing to entertain the thought that they're clones with slight behavior differences. As I mentioned once in another thread, I think Attack of the CT Clones would be an excellent name for a movie.

Still, I don't think your mere claim is sufficient to disprove the OCTT.

[Van Rijn]

And that one conspiracy theorist might be...?

Not me!

[Donnie B.]

Me either. Definitely not me.



Although I do seem to be registered at an awful lot of forums where those CTists hang out...

*slaps hand over mouth* Oh what a giveaway!

[BertL]

I've thought of the idea a while ago, but rejected it because it's simply too outlandish.

Or maybe that's what they WANT us to believe...

[novaderrik]

it's the Freemasons..

[JimTKirk]

I always thought it is Van Rijn's invisible elf!

[Damien Evans]

It's Moonman, I know it is!

[Larry Jacks]

Or perhaps there is a Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory, something like this:

President Kennedy was assassinated because NASA knew it couldn't land on the moon because of the alien artifacts there. As a result, disgruntled government employees faked the 9/11 attacks in part to destroy the secret evidence stored in the Pentagon. Of course, the Jews are behind all of this because, well, they're behind everything along with their Illuminati friends in the Trilateral Commission and the Council for Foreign Relations. Of course, it's all Bush's fault somehow.

Did I miss anything?

[Fazor]

Or perhaps there is a Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory, something like this:

President Kennedy was assassinated because NASA knew it couldn't land on the moon because of the alien artifacts there. As a result, disgruntled government employees faked the 9/11 attacks in part to destroy the secret evidence stored in the Pentagon. Of course, the Jews are behind all of this because, well, they're behind everything along with their Illuminati friends in the Trilateral Commission and the Council for Foreign Relations. Of course, it's all Bush's fault somehow.

Did I miss anything?

No, but you might want to pack a few cherished posessions and move to some deep, dark part of the Congo--you just connected the final dots and exposed The Grand Unified Conspiracy(tm). The G-men are on their way as we speak! Oh what a brave martyr you are!

[PetersCreek]

I think that theory needs some fleshing out. I don't see any references to the Shadow Government, the MIB, MJ-12, chemtrails, fluoridation, the 100 mpg carburator, ZPE/perpetual motion devices, the NAFTA Corridor, etc.

[Larry Jacks]

I think that theory needs some fleshing out. I don't see any references to the Shadow Government, the MIB, MJ-12, chemtrails, fluoridation, the 100 mpg carburator, ZPE/perpetual motion devices, the NAFTA Corridor, etc.

Now that I think of it, I didn't mention Pearl Harbor or the Mars Face either. Obviously, the Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory needs some work. This actually sounds like a fun topic for a thread.

[Swift]

I think that theory needs some fleshing out. I don't see any references to the Shadow Government, the MIB, MJ-12, chemtrails, fluoridation, the 100 mpg carburator, ZPE/perpetual motion devices, the NAFTA Corridor, etc.

Now that I think of it, I didn't mention Pearl Harbor or the Mars Face either. Obviously, the Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory needs some work. This actually sounds like a fun topic for a thread.

Black helicopters, you have to have black helicopters.
AND YOU NEED TO USE MORE CAPS and more colors.

Meanwhile, this tool may be helpful.

[Van Rijn]

Don't forget hte repeated exclamation points and mispilled words!!11!

[GeorgeLeRoyTirebiter]

Now that I think of it, I didn't mention Pearl Harbor or the Mars Face either. Obviously, the Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory needs some work. This actually sounds like a fun topic for a thread.

Someone already beat you to it. Although, as Swift has illustrated, you can tell that isn't a serious HB site because they used a spellchecker and the font size and color doesn't change throughout the article. Only paid stooges for the Establishment use good grammar and consistent typography

[Peter Wilson]

How about the Korean scientist who claims to have cloned a conspiracy theory?

Officially, they deny it.

[Swift]

Someone already beat you to it. Although, as Swift has illustrated, you can tell that isn't a serious HB site because they used a spellchecker and the font size and color doesn't change throughout the article. Only paid stooges for the Establishment use good grammar and consistent typography

I particularly like the bits about the people involved in the fake landings are now doing other things, like framing Martha Stewart, that Saudi "women" are aliens - the burkas hide the tentacles, and that the "fat guy who directed the Lord of the Rings movies" is going to fake the Mars program.

[PhantomWolf]

"fat guy who directed the Lord of the Rings movies" is going to fake the Mars program.

I hope not. If you have seen all his movies you'd know that he has a love of killing off at least someone in a bizarre and grusome way in his movies.

Added to that is the problem that there is nowhere in NZ that resembles Mars, so he'd have to film it in the Ozzie outback, and they have claimed enough of our top people already without them claiming him.

And finally, have you seen PJ lately? He's lost a HUGE amount of wieght. He's quite literally only half the man he used to be.

Pre-Kong
Post-Kong

[JayUtah]

There are some spots in Utah that might pass for Mars.

[Maksutov]

I'm SparCTacus!

[Larry Jacks]

Someone already beat you to it. Although, as Swift has illustrated, you can tell that isn't a serious HB site because they used a spellchecker and the font size and color doesn't change throughout the article. Only paid stooges for the Establishment use good grammar and consistent typography

That was a masterpiece! All it needed was the above suggested references to black helicopters and 100 MPG carburator.