It's aether that, or something else.
It's aether that, or something else.
Oldest Known Continuously Opertating Unset Digital Clock
Stan Krevitz of Jackson, MI said he purchased the Emerson digital clock as a gift for his sister Marge in 1954.
"According to the operating manual you had to push buttons to set the time, I never got it". Stan Kravits.
Like many people in 1954, Stan and Marge simply could not associate time with buttons. Time was understood strictly as a winding or spinning operation: like the planets.
The Emerson Moon Morning fully digital table clock still sits on an oak tea table in the Krevitz reading room where it has blinked 12:00 am for the past 25 years. Stan and Marge seill live there alone.
LONGEST PERIOD OF RESISTED TEMPTATION TO BUMP.
The poster who did not wish to be identified
explained that the dark nights and damn snow
finally broke down the last vestiges of
resistance. "There is much more educated
sillyness still out there" he exclaimed,
"I am privileged to be a servant in helping
tap more of the same"
Some distant groans were heard!
I have heard that the island of Vaut'au in the Eastern Pacific is the only place in the world where you can arrange a formal meeting with yourself.
Longest Day Ever,
James R. Muckelroy of Thompson, Nebraska has recorded the longest day ever. According to sources, "Jamie lived three lifetimes within the last 24 hours." Purportedly, Muckelroy, father of two and native Nebraskan, traveled around the world on a sailboat, served time in a Turkish prison, and hunted Alaska King Crabs during his time away. Yesterday afternoon Trisha Muckelroy, the man's wife, reported her husband missing to local authorities. The last person to see him before being found today was bar tender Thurgood Potter of Irene's Tavern on Main street.
Muckelroy was found sleeping in a ditch between the bar and his house this afternoon. He claims to have been gone nearly 3 years with many wild adventures. Mrs. Muckelroy says he does look more haggard than normal and is missing a few teeth. Lab reports of his BAC are not yet in.
Coldest Day on Record.
Cloudy Day, weathercaster for FM 98.6 in Overshoe, West Dakota has reported that Tuesday, June 11, 2009 had the lowest temperature (-188°F) ever recorded in West Dakota.
The station later retracted the report, as it was not mentioned that the temperature was measured in the liquid argon tank at a local factory.
The longest nostril hair was owned by a Mr S. Neese of Omaha. Measuring 3.124 meters,beating the previous record by 50cm, the hair was finally plucked by his grandchild in march 1980 .
Ivan Azigazánszerencsés is the current holder of the longest winning streak in the Sárcipő Nyugat Russian Roulette Championship. Unfortunately, he was not able to compete this year as he broke his arm playing chess.
A true fact about Hayling Island.
Peter Shotton was a member of The Quarrymen, a 1950's skiffle band also featuring John Lennon, Paul McCartney and George Harrison. Peter was unceremoniously dumped from the band when, at a party, John cracked Peter over the head with his own washboard. Some years later, feeling remorse over the acrimonious separation, John bought a supermarket for Peter.....
.... on Hayling Island.
Police surrounded a small surburban bungalow
in Peterfield today and took away an elderly
couple for questioning. There had been a
complaint from the local council that the
recycling bin for the address was always
full of remaindered books from Her
Majesties Stationary Office. A spokesman
explained that the volumes were all
military manuals labled secret. It
expressly states on the covers that any
such volume, if found, must be handed
in to the local Police Station. The
council stated that recycling bins
are for unsecret paper only. It
damages the machinery at the
recycling centre when personel
keep shutting it down and reading
the offending material!
Arnold Wombus of Tipp City, Ohio, has constructed the world's largest atom. At five meters in diameter, he estimates that if chickens were given feed containing such atoms they would grow to be over two hundred miles tall. A single chicken would be able to feed the entire world for two years, or could make at least three KFC Double Down sandwiches.
McDonald's have invented the world's fastest fast food in the form of the McTachyon™. Packing an impressive 3007 kcal, it makes you fat before you even start eating it.
World's Thinnest Camel
Don't you believe me?
"Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"
"You can't erase icing."
"I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"
This thread is too much fun to die.
The person with the most things named after him is Bill Gates. Gates' main claim to fame, other than all the Microsoft software used throughout the world, is his wealth. Gates' link to money and wealth is so large, many words in this context were named after him. Some examples:
The dollar Bill.
paying the Bill.
In the documentary All Threads Go to Heaven, director Nicolas Excavator attempts to connect with a thread that had appeared to die. By contacting the thread, he brought it back from a purgatory like place. Upon waking, once the thread was revived, it contacted every person with whom it had connected in its 30 page lifetime.
NEW NET WHIZZKID.
Wendy Tamerind was near the end of first grade
when she developed CrayonBook. She had her
parents code the concept and install the
wesite. Now in third grade and several hundred
million richer after selling up she wants to
launch a company to sell real crayons. "We
must get back to old values" she explains.
Rupert and the Human Centipede
Monsanto corporation has announced the development of an improved hybrid corn that gets 45 miles per gallon highway.
The Duchy of Luxembourg has become the first country to announce it can be rented for an invasion.
"Luxembourg is compact and centrally located," the Grand Duke said concerning the offer. "It can be easily conquered in a weekend, for a very attractive price." He noted that with a standing army of 800, "Just about anyone can pin our ears back."
The price includes a triumphal parade through Luxembourg City, photos of the invaders in Parliament and commemorative plates illustrating the victory. "If you haven't knocked over a sovereign nation in a while, Luxembourg may be just your ticket," the Duke finished.
Open dates are available March through November. Act now to get a special discount. Credit card purchases earn double miles.
Are you sure you
didn't mean Grand Fenwick?
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.
The world's tallest tale is over 400 feet high.
Most Expensive Sock
The third most expensive sock was a knee-high, designed and knitted by Leonardo da Vinci. Da Vinci, best known for his map of Imola (and also that ridiculously impractical "flying machine" that everyone seems to think was a forerunner of the helicopter), inlaid the sock with diamonds and a threaded platinum motif in the form of a maze. The asking price for the sock is a staggering £17billion.
Joint third most expensive sock is the one that complements the aforementioned one. (What do you call a sock's other sock, by the way? Sibling? Partner? Running mate?)
The joint first most expensive socks, by contrast, are a pair that happened to be wrongly priced. The error was discovered only after an incredibly rich man who needed some socks in a hurry happened to purchase them. This same man later made a puppet out of one of them which was subsequently banned from BAUT.
Second most Expensive Sock.
This was one of mine that flew through my
open bedroom window after I whistled for it
one morning but failed to catch it. It landed
in the drivers cab of a passing bus and the man
was so overcome he failed to pick up his
passengers. One of them was an airline pilot
and thus a politician failed to arrive at an
important meeting and an IMF loan was missed.
They tried to sue me but the other sock had in
the meantime had the attention of a full packet
of detergent so they could not prove anything.
Most Inefficient Washing Line
The most inefficient washing line is to be found at Uppark House in West Sussex. It is 2km long and has a single pair of underpants hanging from it. They would be dry now, except that they were left out there last night, and it rained.
Incidentally, a former housekeeper at Uppark House was Mrs Wells, mother of the author H.G. Wells, famed for his novel The History of Mr Polly. Visitors to the stately home will recognise landscape features that were incorporated into The Time Machine, including the underground passageways and air shafts that became the Morlock tunnels. [Really.]
Most Explosive Sock
The world's most explosive sock originated from a misreading of an entry concerning expensive socks. It was woven from spun nitrocellulose impregnated with silver fulminate and pyrophoric iron powder. The original owner, Comte de Buffon, was afraid to even walk near it and donated the sock to the Explosives Museum, formerly located in Shank's Mare, Illinois but now distributed over several nearby towns.