Established Member
Worst predictably unpredictable disaster relating to a trick question
The famous comedian Groucho Von Weber once asked "If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?" The intended answer to this trick question was "Testrific," however, the given answer was much more embarassing.
Honored Member
Worst Riot Over a Classification Change
Over 3,000 people rioted on Bondi Beach after the International Geographical Union announced that Australia was being demoted from its status as a continent. It has been regrouped as the largest representative of the new class of 'dwarf continents', including Greenland, New Guinea, and Madagascar.
The riot was put down after a large contingent of police converged on the beach and passed out free beer.
Order of Kilopi
Funny this should happen exactly thirteen days to the hour after Hayling Island was redefined as a "minor continent".
Although the person who declared it was then told he'd had enough and should take a taxi home.
Order of Kilopi
Ahh...perhaps I should come clean over my
"World isolated" story here. It was based on
a story I read of a foreign journalist
staying in London in late Victorian Britain
in the Nineteeth Century. He went out one
Winter evening and a newspaper hoarding
read "Fog in Channel, Continent isolated!"
Nowadays there must be several dozen UK
citizens who see the irony in that.
Honored Member
Greatest Interdimensional Peacenik
"Calabi-Lau" space has recently been redefined, based on input from the New Horizons Dwarf Planets probe. It is now called "Calabi-Luau" space and has been independently verified by Schrödinger's pig and Yao Ming.
Honored Member
Most Tragic Loss of Beer in a Physics Experiment
During the Lenten Season of 1934, Erwin Schrodinger repeated his original experiment on quantum indeterminacy, this time using several bottles of dark beer instead of a cat. Unfortunately, when the wave function collapsed it broke all the bottles, ruining Schrodinger's bocks.
Honored Member
Strangest Gazetteer
The Gazetteer of Hayling Island (which also shows West Witterling lying east of Hayling Island, whilst Eastney is west of it), is the only known gazetteer with no entries. Although there is an old document (Cox, 1738) which states:
the idea that water from any particular area could be better than any other water is scoffed at in modern times.Hayling and Thorney, two Islands: Hayling is the larger, ... Each of them hath a Parish-Church: Salt is made of the Sea-Water in several Places along this Shore, which at first is of a pale and green Colour, but by boiling is made of a pure White. 'Tis this Salt that St. Ambrose speaks of, when he says, Water is turned into firm and solid Salt, as is usual in the British Isles, which is crusted into a substance as hard and white as Marble, and is very wholesome.
The omission of any items at all is odd, especially in light of the Hampshire City Council report in 2005 on the conversion of footways to shared pedestrian and cycle use on the A3023 Langstone Bridge.
Order of Kilopi
Perhaps it's just a misprint?Originally Posted by mike alexander
Honored Member
As Professor Farnsworth would say: Good news, everyone!
It is indeed a misprint. A small herd of gazeteers was spotted in 2006 near the seventh hole at the Tournerbury Golf Centre. They live at the intersection of Kings Road and Rest-a-Wyle Lane, just west of the links.
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DUFF INFORMATION
Nigel A. F. Farnsworth of East Sussex has been
trying to surprise people for 30 plus years and
has really upset some at times. He was trying
to catch sight of any beads of perspiration
flying off their heads. Finally he was
persuaded it was exaggeration in the comic
strip he used to read. He is annoyed that he
was misled.
Honored Member
Strictest Enforcement of a Fraternization Rule
The principal of George Washington Slept Here Elementary School in Pisthataway, New Jersey suspended the letters 'Q' and 'U' for spending too much time together.
"The school has very strict rules about excessive fraternization and they are applied under a 'no tolerance' rule," the principal said. "We have determined that 'Q' and 'U' never seem to be apart, and feel that at this stage such excessive close socialization is unhealthy for both."
He pointed out that Qantas had no problem with the rule.
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Jimmy John Crawford, Jr.; Worlds most obsessive NASCAR fan.
Jimmy John Crawford, Junior, was awarded the world's most obsessive NASCAR fan award after nearly 28 years of following the sport. Growing up, he often went to NASCAR events with his father where his love of the sport quickly blossomed. Unfortuneatly, Jimmy was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome at a young age, and would never be able to compete in the sport he so dearly loved.
Undaunted, Jimmy vowed to live his life as if he were a NASCAR driver. Though he believed in following traffic laws, and admitted to speeding only when he desperately needed to get to a restroom, Jimmy showed his love of NASCAR in a unique, and world-record setting way.
For fourteen years, Jimmy drove from point A to point B (Occasinally stopping at points C, D, E, and/or F) utilizing only left-hand turns.
When asked if it were really possible, Jimmy answered, "What does poss'eb'bul mean?". When the question was clarified to, "Can you really really do it?", he responded by saying "Sure's shoot'n! I mean, seven left turns for every right can take some extra time, but it's worth it."
Sadly, Jimmy's 14-year left-turn-only run came to an end as he was driving south along the east coast. His vehicle was found by a fisherman off a pier in South Carolina, about a quarter mile past the West-bound enterance to Hooters.
For his dedication to the sport, Jimmy Jr was posthumanously awarded the world record.
Honored Member
Most Endangered Mollusc
The Hayling Island Inverted Scallop has its adductor muscle on the outside of the shell. When threatened, it tightens the muscle, causing its shells to flip wide open. Many prey species bring melted butter with them when visiting the inverted scallop beds.
Honored Member
MOST AMAZING AMERICAN AIRLINE RECORD
Mr. Melvin Frebbish, of Cos Cob, Connecticut, recently flew from LaGuardia in New York to Hopkins in Cleveland.
The flight was not canceled, nor was it delayed by equipment problems. All landing gear retracted properly after takeoff and the cockpit windows remained intact for the entire flight.
No emergencies occurred during the trip, the only communications from the cockpit being the ETA, which was correct within one minute. Upon approach to Hopkins the landing gear successfully deployed and the plane landed without incident. Mr. Frebbish was pleased to note that his luggage was among the first placed in the pickup area.
When surrounded by a throng of reporters asking him about his flight, Mr. Frebbish responded that "It was an enjoyable journey. Once I get to my hotel room I plan to send the airline and the FAA emails praising them for their outstanding work."
Last edited by Maksutov; 2008-Apr-10 at 04:18 AM. Reason: typo
Honored Member
Ha-Ha! Excellent. Amazing. Untrue.
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Most Incompetent Sock Puppet
The most incompetent sock puppet ever to "grace" an internet discussion group is [name withheld to prevent banning]. He so completely failed to grasp the concept of sock puppetry that he even failed to invent a different username for himself.
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Ha ha! That is sooo clever, dude! I totally admire everything you've ever written here!
Order of Kilopi
Technically, I think the last record is actually true, and therefore does not fit the criteria of the thread.
Order of Kilopi
Largest Number of Misprints
The largest number of misprints in a single book is 300,000. The book in question was the 1977 reprint of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings.
"It was absolutely astounding," recalls editorial assistant Janet Coincidence of Del Rey Books. "There were more misprints than there were actual words! Even the Gazetteer of Hayling Island did better than that!"
"It wasn't just the text proper," added assistant editorial assistant Simon Plural. "Even the cover was riddled with misprints, which was odd, given that it was handled by a different department. Odder still, the misprints were broadly consistent with those in the text."
Janet resumed, "The 'The' came out just fine, no problems at all. But 'Lord' had somehow changed to 'Sword', which suggested someone misheard a vocalised instruction. The third word, 'Of', was also okay, but, surprisingly, 'The Rings' came out as 'Shannara'."
"There must have been a mix-up in the letters of the author's name," Simon said. "Most of the right ones came out, but ordered as 'Terry Brooks'. Still, as they say in publishing, the show must go on."
"I didn't think they did," said a bemused Janet. "But I was too young to argue at the time."
Honored Member
'Shannara' was actually a misprint of 'Shangri-La', but the proofreader decided to let the mr. chips fall where they may.
Honored Member
Which reminds me...
Most Original Use of Telekinesis
Manfred von Rickenbacker of Pile-on-Scrum, Worchestershire, has the unique ability to pour out a container of hot chips and arrange them as they fall into an amazing replica of the log cabin Abraham Lincoln was born in, by the effort of his mind alone.
"I'm a rather clumsy fellow, always tripping and dropping my chips," he explains. "One day I slipped on a peanut skin and as the chips were flying I thought,'Fall neatly!'. And they did." Since then he has learned to produce likenesses of St. Paul's and the Crystal Palace, although the latter requires three servings.
Even more amazingly, Mr. Rickenbacker thought Abraham Lincoln had led the slave revolt in ancient Rome; he currently believes Lincoln started the French Revolution.
Established Member
Most grammatically objectionable name for a deity
The most grammatically objectionable name for a deity is possessed by the god It, worshiped by many Leg-Language speaking individuals from Hayling Island. When the English translation of the holy book of the involved religion was released, there was severe controversy over a line that mentioned "...It's holy land." The usage of an apostrophe in the word "It's" provoked outrage among grammar Nazis who devoted their entire lives to bashing those who mistakenly spell "its" (possessive) as "it's" (short for "it is".) Despite the logical explanation that [It] is a name and thus should be used like any other name, a mass book burning was called, and it resulted in many bad feelings and nobody benefited in the long run.
Established Member
Most fallibly infallible flying machine
The most fallibly infallible flying machine is, of course, a piece of toast tied to the back of a feline with the butter side facing outward. Theoretically, as a cat must always land on its feet, while at the same time toast must land butter/jam side down, the device would not be able to land and would hover in the air. However, Murphy's Law and the laws of physics do not wish to work together in that way and so the cat and the toast would detach from each other in mid air and obviously, the toast would land butter side down.
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PULL UP
Driving down the dark lane half asleep, two
bright lights appear ahead. Waking up, they
are gone. Driving back down the same lane
half awake, the same thing happens. Was it a
car or a cat I saw? Whichever way I look at
it the question remains.
Established Member
THE UNKNOWN ORIGIN OF A SCIENTIFIC PRINCIPLE
Shakespeare's original design of the Globe Theatre incorporated a revolving stage in order for all of the patrons to view the action face on for at least part of the performance. The donkey, carrot and stick powered stage revolved at approximately 1rpm and caused the actors to veer to one side as they walked up/downstage. Thrown objects invariably missed their mark as the actors were disoriented by the rotation. Sir Isaac Newton attended one of the performances and noted the slewed path of an apple thrown by one actor to another, which actually left the stage and hit Newton in his prized front row seat. Recreating the events back home, He described the theory for why this occurred. In commemmoration of the play, he named it the Coriolanus Effect.
Order of Kilopi
And it is also the origin of the verb "to pan"
which originates from when the patrons would
have a fry-up of the returned fruit and
vegetables after a performance and moan about
the different actors.
Honored Member
Most Obscure Reference
When Bipple said to Washman, "I know it's still hanging, but where?"
Honored Member
Most Original Software Utility
Sweet Lizard Software Co. of Bristlecone, CA, offers Disk Fragmentor, which breaks up and scatters critical programs. This results in the computer running slow enough for the average person to keep up with it.
Another, more expensive option is to purchase and install Microsoft Vista.
Established Member
I want it!
Order of Dr. Kilopi
how did I miss this thread for so long
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