Most overmassive moon in the solar system.
Earth’s moon is the only moon in the solar system to be one and a half times its own mass! With a mass of 7.35 × 10^22kg, the moon’s mass is a staggering 1.1 × 10^23kg!
World’s most densely haunted building or structure.
The Tower of London is generally regarded as the most haunted building in the world, but this achievement is less remarkable when one considers its long history and the amount of floor space. For sheer density of hauntingness, the record is held by the garden shed belonging to Jacob Sheldon of Hereford. Visitors have identified no fewer than three distinct ghosts, including a spectral gardener who repeatedly winds up the lawn mower cable. All this in a structure less than 20 years old with a floorspace of only 1.8 square metres!
Most apathetic feminist.
Susan Quincey of Hartlepool began reading The Female Eunuch on 21 February 1993. Fourteen years on she has not got past page 27. “I intend to finish it one of these days,” she claims, “but I just can’t seem to find the time. There are so many other things to do, like ironing my husband’s socks while he’s down the pub.”
Most undocumented human being in Britain.
There is almost no paperwork whatsoever relating to Mr Stanley Reed of Brighton. He has no national insurance number, no birth certificate, and it is even possible that his first name is actually Stephen rather than Stanley.
Most misleading map.
Believed to be drawn by an angry cartographer wannabe who failed to secure a job at Ordnance Survey, this map of Southampton contains just enough accurate information to lure map readers into a false sense of security. Anyone seeking guidance from the map should avoid driving faster than walking pace, and should wear a life jacket at all times.
Most amusing-looking animal.
Although this record has been challenged on the grounds of subjectivity, it is generally agreed among zoological humorologists that the horse is the most funny-looking animal in the world. The only reason people do not laugh whenever they see one is because they are used to them. It is recorded that when Cortez invaded Mexico, and the Azteks saw the equine quadrupeds for the first time, Montezuma’s army were reduced to fits of giggles to the extent that they were unable to perform as an effective fighting force and consequently were easily conquered by the Conquistadores.
Most unreliable astrologer.
Marvin the Most Mystical Marvel (real name Derek Plafford) of Ipswich has made a career in astrology despite being so obviously incompetent that even his clients have noticed. His predictions have consistently failed to bear any resemblance to actual events, despite being very vaguely worded, and he has failed to identify anybody’s star sign even when they told him their dates of birth.
Tune in next week for:
Most expensive advert for something that everybody buys anyway.
Most risible account of an alien encounter.
World’s largest medium-sized cake.
Worst failure to understand the concept of satire in a popular TV science fiction series.
Most easily debunked moon hoax “theory”.
Least boring cricket game.
Africa’s least dangerous snake.
Most hypnotic website involving badgers.