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Thread: Dumb criminals

  1. #31
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    Re: Dumb criminals

    Quote Originally Posted by hhEb09'1 View Post
    Nobody reads OPs anymore
    Nor, it seems, do OPs read anymore, they just go fishing with Sheriff Andy Taylor.

    BTW, on the subject of vehicle models, I see there's a Jeep custom package out there named "Rubicon". I wonder if any of its parts are die cast?

    Plus one would love to be a person named Julius who was tagged with the responsibility of repossessing such a vehicle. I can hear the discussion in the repo office, "Should we have Lars repossess that Jeep?" "No, let Julius seize her!"


  2. #32
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  3. #33
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    Daniel Ray Brown, 22, of Morgan County, Alabama, in a balaclava with a baseball bat broke into a house and said to the occupant, ".This is a robbery. I need your money and I mean it, granpaw"

    Thing is, it WAS his Grandpa.

    At least he won the Criminal Mastermind of the Month award in Jon Henley's column of the UK Guardian: http://www.guardian.co.uk/diary/stor...991110,00.html

    John

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Donnie B. View Post
    Arrgh... I hate when that happens.
    Just to make you feel better... when I read your post and thought "I know I saw that here somewhere before", I was doing all sorts of searches to find it.

  5. #35
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    many years ago(late 1980's/early 90's) we had the ultimate in undercover cars roving arond riverstone area

    a vw kombi camper-complete with poptop and bullbars!!!(even an lpg bottle on the front roofrack

    (also had a v6 commodore motor that had been just slightly `played with')

    best bit-like every kombi camper it had twin hella spotlights on the bullbar- except.... these were actually the blue/red flashers!!

    that `old hippy camper' could move!!!! and caught many an idiot on the way to the snowfields that `just had' to overtake this old camper because-well just because...
    Last edited by boppa; 2007-Jan-16 at 04:40 PM. Reason: doh last line didnt appear!!
    R.I.P. Bad Astronomy

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by NEOWatcher View Post
    Just to make you feel better... when I read your post and thought "I know I saw that here somewhere before", I was doing all sorts of searches to find it.
    No, no, it's even worse than you think. I was pretty sure I'd seen that story somewhere in this thread (and was just going to add the funny bit from the NPR show), so I went back and reviewed both pages. I didn't see it, so I retold the whole story.

    I reread all the posts, apparently, except the first one.

    Definite senior moment.

  7. #37
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    Robber went into a Bank of America and took a Deposit slip. Wrote a note and went to stand in line.... But after a while he got impatient waiting inl ine so he left and went across the street to Wells Fargo- No line.. So he went to the teller and handed her the note. The teller however said she could Not comply,, because it was a Bank of America deposit slip and you see, they are Wells Fargo..

    SO, disgruntled he went Back across the street to BofA where police apprehended him...

    Still standing in line...
    Last edited by Neverfly; 2007-Jan-17 at 10:20 AM. Reason: i not tipe vary gud

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maksutov View Post
    "Should we have Lars repossess that Jeep?"
    No! we brought in donuts for everybody and he ate two.

  9. #39
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    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16725294/

    Clear your floor before reading, you'll be rolling on it soon.


  10. #40
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    I don't know if this qualifies as "dumb criminals" or not, but some of these tax write-offs people tried to take are pretty funny.

    Plus a bonus for Gillianren in the last paragraph...

  11. #41
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    Yes, I spotted that!
    _____________________________________________
    Gillian

    "Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

    "You can't erase icing."

    "I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

  12. #42
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    Here's one from today's news:

    CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) - A would-be thief proved himself lacking in key skills like reconnaissance and driving after he tried to pull a heist beside a police-dog training site and then got stuck in the snow trying to flee.
    Wrong place wrong time for thief? or Right place right time for cops? Eh. Whatever.

  13. #43
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    Re: Dumb criminals

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillianren View Post
    Yes, I spotted that!
    Sew, what did you spot?

  14. #44
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    To those who don't feel like digging through the article for it:

    Towards the end, the article refers to Amish kids "sewing" their wild oats. Clearly, this person is unaware that what one does is "sow" oats; they're awfully unpleasant to trying sewing. Worse than sequins, I'm sure!
    _____________________________________________
    Gillian

    "Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

    "You can't erase icing."

    "I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

  15. #45
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    Re: Dumb criminals

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillianren View Post
    To those who don't feel like digging through the article for it:

    Towards the end, the article refers to Amish kids "sewing" their wild oats. Clearly, this person is unaware that what one does is "sow" oats; they're awfully unpleasant to trying sewing. Worse than sequins, I'm sure!
    Sew let be written, sew let it be done!

    No wonder the Egyptian empire of Ramses II came unraveled.

  16. #46
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    Rise, dead thread, and live again! Oh, sorry but wanted to post this.

    ORANGEBURG, South Carolina (AP) -- It might have been one of the easiest drug busts in the history of the South Carolina Highway Patrol: A car with 43 pounds of marijuana crashed into a trooper's cruiser, authorities said.
    Dang, I wish people would do *my* job for me. Well, moreso than they already do anyway...

  17. #47
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    But it's so easy!
    February 28, 2007
    ...Five men had been tossed off the Chicago bound passenger line for smoking marijuana and bothering the female passengers...Police Chief George Zamantakis sent his drug-sniffing dog through the outside of the men's luggage. The dog hit on something...more than $700,000 in [stolen] U.S. Savings Bonds... ABC4

  18. #48
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    Dogs can smell stolen bonds? Missing a part of the story much, or did the cop pull a "It's coming right at us!" stunt with the "unreasonable search" Amendment in order to get that suitcase open?
    "Words that make questions may not be questions at all."
    - Neil deGrasse Tyson, answering loaded question in ten words or less
    at a 2010 talk MCed by Stephen Colbert.

  19. #49
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    A few stories about dumb criminals, well just punks actually. Nothing that will make the the national news, just local down home stuff you might find amusing. Now I get most of my local news from four main sources, friends, the barbershop, the corner store and my local pub.

    As I've been out of work for a while, I haven't been to the pub in months. I only get my hair cut every six weeks or so, but then I get a buzz cut. So that leaves my friends and the corner store.

    Now where I live, the crime scene is pretty stable. When I was growing up, South City as we call it, was 40% old school Mexican and 40% old school Italian. With that 20% "other" that would include myself. The Mexicans and the Italians have an "understanding". Since they live and have their homes here, there is very little overt, out of doors, streetwalkers or drug dealing. When it happens it usually gets swooped really fast. I've seen it done more than once. One time I had the misfortune to be walking past a guy standing in a doorway selling when the van pulled up screaching to the curb and a bunch of really big plain cloths cops swooped this guy hard. Scared the crap out of me as I was between the two. They tackled the dealer really freaking hard, as in, "Oww, that's gonna leave a mark." (His face was dragged heavily against the stucco wall as he was being taken down. Can you say "Ouch"? He did.)

    And that's true for most cities south of San Francisco proper on the peninsula. (Except maybe Brisbane, which was/is pretty wild) In all my 47 years here I've only seen one blatant streetwalker, on El Camino in San Bruno, and I thought to myself, "Well, that's not going to last very long" And sure enough not more than 3 minutes later a black and white pulled up and took her away. No "sting" or fake "johns" needed, they weren't arresting her, they were driving her out of town, back up to San Francisco. I was close enough to hear the conversation.

    One more paragragh of back ground. What happens a lot over the years is minor hoods and criminal types from other places, like L.A., find it's too hot for them where they live and head out for new turf just ahead of the cops or meaner criminals. They get off the freeway here, see what appears to them to be unclaimed, green pastures and try to set up shop and/or carry on like they did at home. This usually ends up very badly for them... As the saying goes, all dogs think they're big dogs until they're shown otherwise.

    Hmmm, I'm mentally filtering the stories. Some are extreme, some sound like lies even to me, and some might be technically self incriminating.

    Wow, I just deleted two big paragraghs when I realized I was confessing to being an "accessory after the fact" on a world-wide bullitin board. Let's try this again.

    These will only be cops and robbers stories, not robbers and robbers stories.

    Things You Would Never Expect To Hear A Woman Say

    Even an Irish woman.

    I was awaiting a haircut at the local barbershop and out front there is a bus stop. Folks waiting on the bus will often poke their heads in to kill time. Part of the charm of this place. Well anyway on this day this Irish woman, stepped in and just started talking to us all. We've been getting a steady stream of Irish expatriots here since the late 70's.

    She was your classic red haired, no pigment, heavy accent type of Irish girl. Said her name was "Maggie". She started talking about this group of bad guys we had working the bars down on Grand Ave. They were following people going home on foot after closing time and were robbing them in their homes. Apparently you get more "stuff" that way. I knew about this but never talked to one of their victims before.

    Her, her boyfriend and his friend left the bar at closing time, walked home, and these four bandits jumped them at the door. Three guys and a women, Colombians we found out later. Well as this was a strong arm robbery, a pitched battle ensued. She, of course, jumped the Colombian woman. Who wants to bet on this fight? A five foot ten Irishwoman loaded on whiskey vs a mean little Colombian woman high on coke.

    No contest of course. The Irish woman snorted derisively and said the Colombian woman tried that hair pulling and scratching stuff on her. She on the other hand began breaking the furniture with the Colombian woman's body. Maggie then said that as she was sitting on the Colombians woman's chest, doing her best to render the Colombian uncousious. But the Colombian woman screached something and the biggest of the Colombian guys turned around and kicked Maggie in the face so hard she was unconsious for more than a week with massive facial injuries.

    Here comes the weird part, that got everybody in the barbershop looking at each other sideways. When Maggie said: "I'm sure glad that guy kicked my face in. The plastic surgeons made me a lot prettier than I used to be."
    and a

    She even took my hand and put it to her face and said, "Here feel this, this is all fake" And it was definately something different than bone under her face.

    They did catch these guys. I talked to Maggie a couple of more times after that and the police called her to say they busted one of the thugs trying to pawn some of her jewelry which she had given a really good discriptions of.

    Well, this story was longer than I expected, so that will be all, for the time being.

    BD

  20. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moose View Post
    Dogs can smell stolen bonds? Missing a part of the story much, or did the cop pull a "It's coming right at us!" stunt with the "unreasonable search" Amendment in order to get that suitcase open?

    I bet you have the right of it Moose.

  21. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moose View Post
    Dogs can smell stolen bonds?...
    Wot?! You've not heard of bond-sniffing dogs?

  22. #52
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    We had a kid about 17/18 come into the grocery store one day and walk around stuffing things into a sack. Ths is about 2 in the afternoon. Someone came back to the little cage I was told was really my office (7 by 9 foot chain link dog run) and told me about it. I went out to the floor and flagged down the grocery manager so we could watch him. Now, we had very specific rules about shoplifters at this time. Basically, if you saw someone stealing something you were to ask them to come upstairs and wait for the police to arrive. If they refused, you waited for them to leave then tried to get a description of their car. It was against store policy to try and detain them with anything more than talk.

    This is obviously not going to be effective. What we ended up doing was approaching them in the store and saying something like. "Here's a basket you can put that stuff in so you don't have to load down your pockets. It sort of looks like you might be stealing it when you do that, and we'd hate for there to be a misunderstanding about it." It works great with beer thieves. So we get this kid a basket and I continue to watch him. He wanders around for a while and picks up a bunch of other stuff, but never takes anything out of the bag. One of the things he grabbed was a huge package of fireworks. He stopped at the end of one of the aisles and started digging in his pocket for something. As soon as I realized it was a lighter I broke cover and ran towards him. He'd already lit the fuse, and pretty much met me at the door. About the time the first item lit (A fountain if I recall) I had him pinned against the little motorized scooter but couldn't get a good grip on him. At one point he said, "I will hit you, man", which would have worked out better for me since then I could hit back and end the thing. (It's amazing how few people expect a punch to the top of the back of the calf )But no luck. He managed to wriggle free and once he made it through the doors there was no way I could catch him. I was never really all that fast, and I've slowed down a lot, but this dude was really fast. I went looking to see if I could see where he went as I talked to the police dispatcher, but I lost him.

    The stupid criminal part? Three of the baggers went to school with the guy. He was in the class that graduated 5 weeks before and used to pick on one of them almost daily. We used a yearbook for a photo line up. He ended up ratting out some other guys to make a deal.
    I'm Not Evil.
    An evil person would do the things that pop into my head.

  23. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarongsong View Post
    Wot?! You've not heard of bond-sniffing dogs?
    Bond. James Bond.

  24. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigDon View Post
    She even took my hand and put it to her face and said, "Here feel this, this is all fake" And it was definately something different than bone under her face.
    How can you tell?

  25. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilya View Post
    How can you tell?
    I have a plastic implant in one of my cheeks, and I can feel some difference. Bone has a, well, hardness to it that the implant doesn't.

  26. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigDon View Post
    When Maggie said: "I'm sure glad that guy kicked my face in. The plastic surgeons made me a lot prettier than I used to be."
    and a
    Are you sure? Seems to me a woman that tough couldn't have been kicked in the head. She clearly headbutted him in the foot.

    Man, it wouldn't take 24 of her to bring down Chuck Norris in the Ultimate Showdown. She could do it entirely on her lonesome. Wow.
    "Words that make questions may not be questions at all."
    - Neil deGrasse Tyson, answering loaded question in ten words or less
    at a 2010 talk MCed by Stephen Colbert.

  27. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moose View Post
    Dogs can smell stolen bonds? Missing a part of the story much, or did the cop pull a "It's coming right at us!" stunt with the "unreasonable search" Amendment in order to get that suitcase open?
    Not an unreasonable search. It's a search incident to arrest. Look it up.

    "You've been struck by--you've been struck by--a DUMB criminal!"

    That's right! Y'all heard me! Quoting(ish) Michael now. Can't get any cooler than that.

  28. #58
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    The dog hit on something in one of the pieces of luggage and police were certain they would find more marijuana. They instead they found more than $700,000 in U.S. Savings Bonds.
    Fazor, if they had the dog go over the luggage before opening it, they didn't have probable cause up to that point to open the suitcase (probably because the cops didn't witness the doobies when the five had gotten thrown off the (stopped) train.

    The dog false-positived the luggage. The article indicates there were no drugs in the luggage. The presence of the bonds is very likely to be ruled inadmissable in court on that basis.

    There were a number of cases (last year?) that were thrown out because a certain sniffer dog was making it up as it'd gone along. Once it's extremely high miss-rate was documented, there was a firestorm of successful appeals. I can't remember more details than that.

    But yeah, unless you're telling me the dog was somehow trained to recognize stolen paper products, I cannot agree with you and conclude that the search was proper.

    As far as "looking it up", all I have to work with is the article. Same as you. I don't have access to US police reports. Especially not prior to them being entered into the court record.
    "Words that make questions may not be questions at all."
    - Neil deGrasse Tyson, answering loaded question in ten words or less
    at a 2010 talk MCed by Stephen Colbert.

  29. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moose View Post
    Fazor, if they had the dog go over the luggage before opening it, they didn't have probable cause up to that point to open the suitcase (probably because the cops didn't witness the doobies when the five had gotten thrown off the (stopped) train.

    The dog false-positived the luggage. The article indicates there were no drugs in the luggage. The presence of the bonds is very likely to be ruled inadmissable in court on that basis.

    There were a number of cases (last year?) that were thrown out because a certain sniffer dog was making it up as it'd gone along. Once it's extremely high miss-rate was documented, there was a firestorm of successful appeals. I can't remember more details than that.

    But yeah, unless you're telling me the dog was somehow trained to recognize stolen paper products, I cannot agree with you and conclude that the search was proper.

    As far as "looking it up", all I have to work with is the article. Same as you. I don't have access to US police reports. Especially not prior to them being entered into the court record.

    I suspect they had the dog go over the luggage to stengthen thier case. The guys were thrown off the plane for smoking pot. They would have arrested them either way, and can search the person at that point. Of course, they may be talking about the luggage that was in the hold, which is not on one's person therefore not subject to search incident arrest, which I didn't consider. And I didn't mean to sound derogitory by saying "look it up" but I guess that's how it came out. I just get defensive when people criticize common law enforcement practices (because said people tend to turn around and then complain police didn't do enough when a criminal actually gets away with something). I apologize.

  30. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fazor View Post
    I suspect they had the dog go over the luggage to stengthen thier case.
    I have no doubt of that. Instead, (at least from the peanut gallery), they've torpedoed their own case and may see all of the charges summarily thrown out because the evidence is now tainted.

    Either the dog false positived, or they used the dog as an excuse to go through their luggage. Either way, the case is ruined. Even Lionel Hutz could get these people off now.

    I just get defensive when people criticize common law enforcement practices (because said people tend to turn around and then complain police didn't do enough when a criminal actually gets away with something). I apologize.
    No need to apologize. Actually, I do recognize cops walk a very fine line, but they're in a position of authority. Authority must be scrutinized. It's a civic responsibility. It may well be the most important civic responsibility, and far too few people are willing to give up their sense of blissful "security" in order to do it.

    Thing is, the search procedures law enforcement is bound to exist for very good reasons. They protect the cops as much as they do the public.
    "Words that make questions may not be questions at all."
    - Neil deGrasse Tyson, answering loaded question in ten words or less
    at a 2010 talk MCed by Stephen Colbert.

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