Landing Was Faked, Say Experts

[Ba Witda]

Columbus' Landing in America Faked, Say Experts

Local history experts have discovered evidence that shows that Columbus' landing was faked.

This exciting news came out of the Lucerne Valley YX Bar, where Big Mike McCouleigh, Phillip "Helter" Skelter, and Joseph "My Uncle Joe" Jemsin met for imbibing in alcoholic beverages and engaging in male-bonding rituals involving foosball and darts.

Their amazing work has uncovered a centuries-old conspiracy that reaches to the top of Spanish government. It appears that Spain never landed in America at all. Details are sketchy, but it seems that the "landing" was faked in a Madrid basement for a reason as yet unknown.

"This discovery overturns more than five hundred years of history. Everything you know is a lie. And that ain't cool, man!" Mr. Skelter said. "They don't want us to know these things. They want to keep the people in the dark. Well, I say get our your sunglasses, because we're pulling the wool off of people's eyes and letting the sun shine in, man!"

There were a number of reasons given for their conclusion. For one thing, it is in debate where Columbus supposedly landed. As Mr. McCouleigh said, "Some folks say he landed on America proper, others say he just landed on an island in the Carribean. If they can't even agree on that how can we trust them on anything else? Another thing, they portray him as being greeted by the natives, when everyone knows that America was uninhabited until they imported some indians from India."

Mr. Skelter brought in optic evidence. "I was looking at these pictures of the landing, right? And I'm thinking, something ain't right, right? So, get this, I noticed that the shadows don't match the inclination of the sun on the alleged time they landed, okay, man? Oh, and in one, you see a mountain in the distance. And in the other, nothing, man! Obviously faked."

The most disturbing evidence, however, is the lack of surviving witnesses. "Look at the people who were there," my Uncle Joe said. "Notice anything about 'em? They all died! A lot of 'em died of natural causes. I think we all know what that means." He tapped the side of his nose as he said this, and then glanced about the room nervously.

However, we're left with the unsettling problem of just who discovered America, since we now know it wasn't Spain.

Big Mike's theory is that it was the Egyptians. "If you go down to Mexico, they've these pyramids, right? Now, where else do you find pyramids? Egypt! I ain't no scientist, but that seems to be a mighty big coincidence to me. I figure them Egyptian fellas took some boats, discovered America, and used the place to put their spare pyramids. I mean, you gotta figure that those things are pretty damned big. If you have too many of 'em, you're gonna need somewhere else to put 'em. Also, if you look at the dollar, you'll see a pyramid on there. Why would there be a pyramid on there if the Egyptians didn't discover America? The Freemasons? I don't think so."

Mr. Skelter, however, disagreed. "No, no, you got it wrong, man! It wasn't no Egyptians. It was the Bolivians. Most people don't know it, but the Bolivians had a really good navy. Scoff if you want, but it's certainly true. The main evidence those so called 'scientists' use to say they didn't is that there aren't any wrecks. But that was because they were really good at sailing, man! They had to be; they didn't have a large body of water to make it easy on 'em. They didn't even have a good river! The English, they aren't all that good at sailing because they're surrounded by water. Anyhow, it was probably the Bolivians."

My Uncle Joe's theory was rather different. "I figure it was the US. We're always first. We were the first to put create television. We were the first to reach the moon. We were the first to make contact with the aliens. We were first to make fire, and the wheel, too. It had to be us."

McCouleigh, Skelter, and Uncle Joe hope to bring out a book soon, "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to my Bank Account." It can be purchased on their website.

[Graham2001]

LOL!

[g99]

Makes sense. reminds me of when i found out that NASA has faked the moon landings!


Lets look at the evidence:

1. It was the New world. If nobody has ever visited it before, how did they already have a name for it?

2. In the middle of the atlantic thare are deadly areras called the horse lattitudes and the dolldrums. These are dangerous areas of the ocean that have been known to kill many livestock and people who pass throught them. Some never are able to leave them.

3. The spanish Govt. has been hiding the controll of the New world base because the resident aliens there and in the area known as "Chile" have been there for thousands of years. These aliens invaded the land three times and have taken it over. They even desicrated the land and built their alien towns on the sites. The horrow f this atrocities to the native tree population was kept secret from the public. All imagry was put into Photoshop -407.01 and doctored to remove the alien cities to be replaced with tranquil buffalo heards.

4. A woodcut of the famous first meeting of Columbus and the Native americans clearly shows the dogs dail wavionf. This cannot happen in the New World. Someone must of left the airconditioner on.

Proof that europeans have never visited the Americas? It's all there, you just have to look.

[gethen]

Ba, you must have been there, right? What's the truth?

[Ba Witda]

Sadly, Ba was away at a smiting convention at the time, so he can't really say who discovered America. He's sure, however, that had they any inclination that people on the continent would produce movies like The Core, they would have headed back.

[g99]

Ba, was that smitecon 1492? or 1493?

In London.

I still get hangovers from that one. :-?

[Ba Witda]

Ah, heck. Everyone knows it's not a good smitecon if one can stlil remember the year afterwards.

[g99]

Yah smitecon 1492 in portugal was a good one.
Being a deity rules.

[gethen]

Ba, still hoping for a shower of fruit pies at this location some time soon.

[Papa Bear]

Why, ba, that's so funny I think I'm gonna claim I thought of it first!!

g99: doldrums? that's nuthin'! What about the Bermuda Triangle? That thing sucks everything and everyone into its vortex and ain't never given anything back except those ugly shorts middle-aged white-legged men wear with black socks and sandals

[Wingnut Ninja]

Even as late as 1912, the Atlantic could not be crossed due to enormous icebergs that sank anything that attempted the voyage. I think that neatly rules out any "1492" trip.

[darkhunter]

1492--ahh those were the days....was taking a nap (was before I became a dragoliche so still had to sleep on the olde hoard from time to time....)

Although There were some Vikings that made it before Columbus, and I've read of finding Chinese artifacts on the West Coast, and of chorse everyone forgets the unknow siberian folks that got to the "New" World tens of thousands of years before so called civilized people were even around...

Is this where some HB's get the idea that there are alien/previeous secret bases on the moon first? I personally think that a lot of HBs get Occam's Razor backwards: the easiest argument to make is the truest... --mainlly because all they have to do is pull more...stuff...from un-named regions to make more arguments istead of staying on one topic...