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Thread: Flirting- have you ever mistaken someone's just be friendly for something else?

  1. #1
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    Flirting- have you ever mistaken someone's just be friendly for something else?

    Flirting- have you ever mistaken someone's just be friendly for something else? I have. Now I tend to just assume that they are being friendly and nothing more.

  2. #2
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    I flirt all the time, and it has occasionally got me into trouble. I am banned from entering our company call centre due to distracting them....

    I think it's harmless fun, and I try not to flirt with those who don't want to be flirted with; but some people do seem to think I promise more than I do. Apparently men flirting are seen to be trying to seduce, while women flirting are just being friendly. Figures.

  3. #3
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    Smile

    Because everyone knows men only want one thing...attention.
    Woman by contrast are giving attention when they flirt...

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    I try not to set out this type of "women want..." and "men want..." kind of way of thinking.

    People are individuals; while there are some generic viewpoints and mindsets, it's not quite as simple as "every man wants..." or "every woman wants..."

  5. #5
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    Apparently I flirt with waitresses without realizing it, as Candy (and my wife) have noticed.
    Everything I need to know I learned through Googling.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToSeek
    Apparently I flirt with waitresses without realizing it, as Candy (and my wife) have noticed.
    I guess I flirt a little too with waitresses and female clerks, etc. It is one of the few advantages that I see to getting older: your harmless flirting with young females is now understood to be harmless. :shrug:
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToSeek
    Apparently I flirt with waitresses without realizing it, as Candy (and my wife) have noticed.
    Oh you little innocent boy. Is she through with reading all your posts yet?

    I have mistaken being friendly with flirting and flirting with being friendly (the former hurts, the latter would if I was sure about it ). I don't know whether I flirt. Not extremely trying to at least. I'm just a magnet . No seriously, I'm trying to be friendly and whether that is interpreted as flirting is as unclear to me as it is to anyone.

    But anyway, I'm not a supersocial flirting machine or anything, and I devote my flirting to my s.o. It's still called flirting if you're already partners, correct? The rest is (mostly ) just trying to be friendly.

  8. #8
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    Wink

    Quote Originally Posted by Lonewulf
    I try not to set out this type of "women want..." and "men want..." kind of way of thinking.

    People are individuals; while there are some generic viewpoints and mindsets, it's not quite as simple as "every man wants..." or "every woman wants..."
    I agree each are diferent. I attempt to read each man or woman as individual then choose to flirt or not to flirt base on that what I see. I usually assume flirt harmless fun for beginning and watch how it grow in time.

    Fun is in journey, no??

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Monique
    I agree each are diferent. I attempt to read each man or woman as individual then choose to flirt or not to flirt base on that what I see. I usually assume flirt harmless fun for beginning and watch how it grow in time.

    Fun is in journey, no??
    "Few inhibitions" indeed

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lonewulf
    "Few inhibitions" indeed
    shhhhh is little known fact.

  11. #11
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    Happens all the time. Then again, I'm sure people confuse my intentions a lot, too. There's a really basic, far less than fool proof method to try and distinguish: If they invade your personal space, or start touching you, they're being a little overly friendly.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristophe
    Happens all the time. Then again, I'm sure people confuse my intentions a lot, too. There's a really basic, far less than fool proof method to try and distinguish: If they invade your personal space, or start touching you, they're being a little overly friendly.
    "Do not disturb the Personal Bubble fairies"

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristophe
    Happens all the time. Then again, I'm sure people confuse my intentions a lot, too. There's a really basic, far less than fool proof method to try and distinguish: If they invade your personal space, or start touching you, they're being a little overly friendly.
    I believe all happen at proper time. Sometime I think Americans need immediate answers. I let time bring answers. Flirt and play, if more serious being to get close, to touch. Is not necessary to rush, always time to no thank you.

    If "no thank you" do not work, use mace

  14. #14
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    It is one of the few advantages that I see to getting older: your harmless flirting with young females is now understood to be harmless.
    No, they just see the truth, I'm just a dirty minded old man!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Monique
    I believe all happen at proper time. Sometime I think Americans need immediate answers. I let time bring answers. Flirt and play, if more serious being to get close, to touch. Is not necessary to rush, always time to no thank you.

    If "no thank you" do not work, use mace
    Heh, took me a long time to get up the guts to profess to Jayne my undying love

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lonewulf
    I try not to set out this type of "women want..." and "men want..." kind of way of thinking.

    People are individuals; while there are some generic viewpoints and mindsets, it's not quite as simple as "every man wants..." or "every woman wants..."
    Wholeheartedly agree. One of my favorite lines:

    "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth - deal with it."

  17. #17
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    At Ren Faire, flirting is just one of those things. There's a sweet old man, a retired librarian, who flirts shamelessly. And I flirt right back, despite being in a long-term and monogamous relationship. However, when you start bothering the Personal Bubble Fairies (I like that!), it's perfectly acceptable for the other person to tell you to back off a little.
    _____________________________________________
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  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gillianren
    At Ren Faire, flirting is just one of those things. There's a sweet old man, a retired librarian, who flirts shamelessly. And I flirt right back, despite being in a long-term and monogamous relationship. However, when you start bothering the Personal Bubble Fairies (I like that!), it's perfectly acceptable for the other person to tell you to back off a little.
    I suppose if it was a Star Trek Convention, rather than a Ren Faire, it would be the Personal Warp Bubble, rather than the PBFs.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  19. #19
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    Flirting is in the eye of the beholder

    The same behavior will often be interpreted differently by different people. It is not because one is a man and the other a woman. People are in different emotional state depending upon the degree they are currently satisfying their emotional needs. If one person is in a secure and fulfilling relationship and the other is alone and has been for some time then what one see as harmless fun they other may see as cruel a trick as taunting a starving person with food.

    This example is of extreme ends of the spectrum and everyone lies somewhere between theses extremes. I would suggest that the degree that people interpret behavior is more of a function of that difference than anything else.

    Perhaps if we all wore badges saying how desperate we were some of the confusion could be cleared up, then again nobody is really honest about that.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by JHotz
    The same behavior will often be interpreted differently by different people. It is not because one is a man and the other a woman. People are in different emotional state depending upon the degree they are currently satisfying their emotional needs. If one person is in a secure and fulfilling relationship and the other is alone and has been for some time then what one see as harmless fun they other may see as cruel a trick as taunting a starving person with food.
    Very good point. I think, in addition to the relationship-situation, it has to do with personal comfort levels. For example, in my family and among many of my friends, we usually greet each other with physical displays of affection, like hugs and kisses. I have one friend who seems to be very uncomfortable with that, and so I've learned to respect her desires and not to display my affection that way. I suspect that some people feel that way about flirting, whether they are in other relationships or not.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

    All moderation in purple - The rules

  21. #21
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    Then there's the other hand, which holds a regretted instance of mistaking flirting for mere friendliness. She appeared to me to be in a committed relationship. How was I to know? Later, I learned she had had a secret yearning that fitted all too well with my own. Dang. Oh, well.

    If there's a mistake to be made, I suggest not letting it be this kind.
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  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by 01101001
    Then there's the other hand, which holds a regretted instance of mistaking flirting for mere friendliness. She appeared to me to be in a committed relationship. How was I to know? Later, I learned she had had a secret yearning that fitted all too well with my own. Dang. Oh, well.

    If there's a mistake to be made, I suggest not letting it be this kind.
    If she is so interested in you, she should be more persistent. She should make more clear.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Monique
    If "no thank you" do not work, use mace
    The blunt kind of mace that you club people over the head with, or the stuff that comes in a can?

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by dvb
    The blunt kind of mace that you club people over the head with, or the stuff that comes in a can?
    I supose both would work.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by dvb
    Quote Originally Posted by Monique
    If "no thank you" do not work, use mace
    The blunt kind of mace that you club people over the head with, or the stuff that comes in a can?
    I think to beat point in with club, but chemical make point also

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by 01101001
    Then there's the other hand, which holds a regretted instance of mistaking flirting for mere friendliness. She appeared to me to be in a committed relationship. How was I to know? Later, I learned she had had a secret yearning that fitted all too well with my own. Dang. Oh, well.

    If there's a mistake to be made, I suggest not letting it be this kind.
    Oh well, at least you can comfort yourself that *someone* did fancy you, which gives hope to find others. But unless you've got someone to share your sadness with by the time you find out , it ain't a particularly nice experience indeed.

  27. #27
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    Flirting and know when to go beyond friendship is art, not science. Cannot calculate, cannot model, cannot predict. Must feel, must just know.

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToSeek
    Apparently I flirt with waitresses without realizing it, as Candy (and my wife) have noticed.
    It was cute watching you work the room.

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by banquo's_bumble_puppy
    Flirting- have you ever mistaken someone's just be friendly for something else? I have. Now I tend to just assume that they are being friendly and nothing more.
    Yes I have, and it's also happened the other way 'round too.

    Assume friendly for the sake of caution, but always leave the door open just in case

  30. #30
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    Hah, I'm an incurable flirt. I am also God's gift to waitresses. My wife appreciates my talents at it, and the two of us together are a force to be reckoned with at a restaurant. Flirting is social play, making someone else smile. It is not sexual, though it could be. SO though I be straight, I flirt with men I encounter. WHy should I not make the guy at the checkout counter smile if I would have made the girl there smile? It's nothing creepy.

    BBP, I have missed so many cues in my life I am like a walking bad rehearsal. Happens to us all. DOn't worry about it. I can think of many times I interacted with someone to realize later I missed out. Oh well. On the other hand I am socially cautious, so I don't recall ever getting my face slapped.

    Friendly comes first, more comes later. DOn't worry about the speed limit if the car don't run.

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