Flirting- have you ever mistaken someone's just be friendly for something else?

[banquo's_bumble_puppy]

Flirting- have you ever mistaken someone's just be friendly for something else? I have. Now I tend to just assume that they are being friendly and nothing more.

[Philip A]

I flirt all the time, and it has occasionally got me into trouble. I am banned from entering our company call centre due to distracting them....

I think it's harmless fun, and I try not to flirt with those who don't want to be flirted with; but some people do seem to think I promise more than I do. Apparently men flirting are seen to be trying to seduce, while women flirting are just being friendly. Figures.

[teri tait]

Because everyone knows men only want one thing...attention.
Woman by contrast are giving attention when they flirt...

[SolusLupus]

I try not to set out this type of "women want..." and "men want..." kind of way of thinking.

People are individuals; while there are some generic viewpoints and mindsets, it's not quite as simple as "every man wants..." or "every woman wants..."

[Monique]

I try not to set out this type of "women want..." and "men want..." kind of way of thinking.

People are individuals; while there are some generic viewpoints and mindsets, it's not quite as simple as "every man wants..." or "every woman wants..."

I agree each are diferent. I attempt to read each man or woman as individual then choose to flirt or not to flirt base on that what I see. I usually assume flirt harmless fun for beginning and watch how it grow in time.

Fun is in journey, no??

[SolusLupus]

I agree each are diferent. I attempt to read each man or woman as individual then choose to flirt or not to flirt base on that what I see. I usually assume flirt harmless fun for beginning and watch how it grow in time.

Fun is in journey, no??

"Few inhibitions" indeed

[Monique]

"Few inhibitions" indeed

shhhhh is little known fact.

[farmerjumperdon]

I try not to set out this type of "women want..." and "men want..." kind of way of thinking.

People are individuals; while there are some generic viewpoints and mindsets, it's not quite as simple as "every man wants..." or "every woman wants..."

Wholeheartedly agree. One of my favorite lines:

"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth - deal with it."

[Gillianren]

At Ren Faire, flirting is just one of those things. There's a sweet old man, a retired librarian, who flirts shamelessly. And I flirt right back, despite being in a long-term and monogamous relationship. However, when you start bothering the Personal Bubble Fairies (I like that!), it's perfectly acceptable for the other person to tell you to back off a little.

[Swift]

At Ren Faire, flirting is just one of those things. There's a sweet old man, a retired librarian, who flirts shamelessly. And I flirt right back, despite being in a long-term and monogamous relationship. However, when you start bothering the Personal Bubble Fairies (I like that!), it's perfectly acceptable for the other person to tell you to back off a little.

I suppose if it was a Star Trek Convention, rather than a Ren Faire, it would be the Personal Warp Bubble, rather than the PBFs.

[Tobin Dax]

I suppose if it was a Star Trek Convention, rather than a Ren Faire, it would be the Personal Warp Bubble, rather than the PBFs.

That's hilarious. Made my morning, Swift.
(Now if only I can find a way to work it into conversation.)

[JHotz]

The same behavior will often be interpreted differently by different people. It is not because one is a man and the other a woman. People are in different emotional state depending upon the degree they are currently satisfying their emotional needs. If one person is in a secure and fulfilling relationship and the other is alone and has been for some time then what one see as harmless fun they other may see as cruel a trick as taunting a starving person with food.

This example is of extreme ends of the spectrum and everyone lies somewhere between theses extremes. I would suggest that the degree that people interpret behavior is more of a function of that difference than anything else.

Perhaps if we all wore badges saying how desperate we were some of the confusion could be cleared up, then again nobody is really honest about that.

[Swift]

The same behavior will often be interpreted differently by different people. It is not because one is a man and the other a woman. People are in different emotional state depending upon the degree they are currently satisfying their emotional needs. If one person is in a secure and fulfilling relationship and the other is alone and has been for some time then what one see as harmless fun they other may see as cruel a trick as taunting a starving person with food.

Very good point. I think, in addition to the relationship-situation, it has to do with personal comfort levels. For example, in my family and among many of my friends, we usually greet each other with physical displays of affection, like hugs and kisses. I have one friend who seems to be very uncomfortable with that, and so I've learned to respect her desires and not to display my affection that way. I suspect that some people feel that way about flirting, whether they are in other relationships or not.

[ToSeek]

Apparently I flirt with waitresses without realizing it, as Candy (and my wife) have noticed.

[Swift]

Apparently I flirt with waitresses without realizing it, as Candy (and my wife) have noticed.

I guess I flirt a little too with waitresses and female clerks, etc. It is one of the few advantages that I see to getting older: your harmless flirting with young females is now understood to be harmless. :shrug:

[Nicolas]

Apparently I flirt with waitresses without realizing it, as Candy (and my wife) have noticed.

Oh you little innocent boy. Is she through with reading all your posts yet?

I have mistaken being friendly with flirting and flirting with being friendly (the former hurts, the latter would if I was sure about it ). I don't know whether I flirt. Not extremely trying to at least. I'm just a magnet . No seriously, I'm trying to be friendly and whether that is interpreted as flirting is as unclear to me as it is to anyone.

But anyway, I'm not a supersocial flirting machine or anything, and I devote my flirting to my s.o. It's still called flirting if you're already partners, correct? The rest is (mostly ) just trying to be friendly.

[Candy]

Apparently I flirt with waitresses without realizing it, as Candy (and my wife) have noticed.

It was cute watching you work the room.

[ToSeek]

It was cute watching you work the room.

Work the room!? There was only the one waitress!

She was awfully cute, though....

[sarongsong]

Apparently I flirt with waitresses without realizing it..

Ha, ha---Chuck was the well-built, handsome, popular, blonde Construction Foreman of a local steel company and made a point of admiring women whenever out with his wife. His reasoning was that, as long as he was only 'talking about it', his wife could never object or be hurt, since he was with her. No one ever knew for sure what Ol' Chuckie was up to, but it all seemed to work out OK.

[Kristophe]

Happens all the time. Then again, I'm sure people confuse my intentions a lot, too. There's a really basic, far less than fool proof method to try and distinguish: If they invade your personal space, or start touching you, they're being a little overly friendly.

[SolusLupus]

Happens all the time. Then again, I'm sure people confuse my intentions a lot, too. There's a really basic, far less than fool proof method to try and distinguish: If they invade your personal space, or start touching you, they're being a little overly friendly.

"Do not disturb the Personal Bubble fairies"

[Monique]

Happens all the time. Then again, I'm sure people confuse my intentions a lot, too. There's a really basic, far less than fool proof method to try and distinguish: If they invade your personal space, or start touching you, they're being a little overly friendly.

I believe all happen at proper time. Sometime I think Americans need immediate answers. I let time bring answers. Flirt and play, if more serious being to get close, to touch. Is not necessary to rush, always time to no thank you.

If "no thank you" do not work, use mace

[SolusLupus]

I believe all happen at proper time. Sometime I think Americans need immediate answers. I let time bring answers. Flirt and play, if more serious being to get close, to touch. Is not necessary to rush, always time to no thank you.

If "no thank you" do not work, use mace

Heh, took me a long time to get up the guts to profess to Jayne my undying love

[dvb]

If "no thank you" do not work, use mace

The blunt kind of mace that you club people over the head with, or the stuff that comes in a can?

[Jorge]

The blunt kind of mace that you club people over the head with, or the stuff that comes in a can?

I supose both would work.

[Monique]

If "no thank you" do not work, use mace

The blunt kind of mace that you club people over the head with, or the stuff that comes in a can?

I think to beat point in with club, but chemical make point also

[ToSeek]

I think to beat point in with club, but chemical make point also

I keep going back and forth on whether I want to visit the south of France in 2006.

[jkmccrann]

Happens all the time. Then again, I'm sure people confuse my intentions a lot, too. There's a really basic, far less than fool proof method to try and distinguish: If they invade your personal space, or start touching you, they're being a little overly friendly.

I disagree, I don't think touching necessarily indicates being flirty or being friendly, it could be either, and its, in my experience at least, not usually a case of being overly friendly. Also, sometimes, it may just be a case of being friendly, but, the way you react to that attention oftentimes does alter the dynamics of a situation such that your flirty reaction to a merely friendly gesture can create a virtuous cycle which turns that friendliness into flirtatiousness. Every situation is different of course, so its hard to generalise about something like this.

Actually have a funny example of this from a couple of years ago that a recent contributor to this forum has reminded me of, one of my mates plays at a footy club over here in Melbourne, one night he was out on the town, during spring racing carnival, and he met Paris Hilton! ha! Apparently they were talking for a while and she gave him her mobile number, for while she was in Oz, he was so excited by this turn of events he appeared at my house and woke me up at 8am next day (a saturday morning). He had some photos on his phone to prove his story.

Anyhow, he called her up next day, no answer, she stood him up! ha, he wasn't very impressed (poor guy ), I thought it was absolutely hilarious. For any of you Aussies out there, it was the week when Paris eventually hooked up with Millsy, 2003 I think. Definitely a case of mixing up flirty and friendly behaviour one would suggest.

[zebo-the-fat]

It is one of the few advantages that I see to getting older: your harmless flirting with young females is now understood to be harmless.

No, they just see the truth, I'm just a dirty minded old man!

[Monique]

Flirting and know when to go beyond friendship is art, not science. Cannot calculate, cannot model, cannot predict. Must feel, must just know.