The telephone and your relatives.

[Buttercup]

Telephone calls are usually initiated by me, to mother and sister especially. Both are rather selfish. :-\ Mother prefers being catered to (we must call her). Sister isn't as interested in having a relationship as I am. So yeah, I'm just about to give up and put the onus on them.

What is your preference regarding phone calls with family?

[Trebuchet]

Other. Because we used to use the telephone a great deal to talk to our parents, but they're dead now.

[Noclevername]

My mom and sister both live very close to me, so it's not a big issue as we see each other all the time. My dad lives in Florida and it's about even with us calling each other.

[Swift]

My only immediate family are my two sisters. With my older sister, if we communicate by phone, she usually calls me, but more often we communicate by e-mail or Facebook. With my younger sister, either she calls us, or my wife calls her (she and my wife are pretty close).

I've discussed in other threads that I don't much like talking on the phone. I can answer the phone fine, and can have short, to-the-point conversations on it, but I can't just chat for hours. And I'm fairly uncomfortable making phone calls. I almost never just spontaneously call a friend or relative up, just to say "hi"; I have to have a reason to call, and even then I have to get my nerve up. I don't really understand why. I think part of it is the lack of visual cues (I have no such problems with in-person conversations) but I don't think that is all of it.

[Gillianren]

Neither my mother nor my older sister has called me in some time. I haven't been on speaking terms with my younger sister since 1995. In fact, I don't know what state my mother is in right now, because she's in the process of moving and I don't know where in that process. She hasn't exactly been forthcoming. You guys really don't want to listen to me talk about my family, I promise.

[Buttercup]

Interesting replies thus far. :-) Thank you.

Swift's reply brings this to mind: My mother is technophobic; no computer. Sister doesn't like computer and often won't log onto the 'net. Both live hundreds of miles away (from me and each other).

I'm truly surprised it's come to this. If it weren't for me (mostly)... *shrugs*

[Buttercup]

Gillianren, what makes my situation a bit more difficult to accept is that we "are supposed to be close." That was the mindset and value instilled growing up.

So I'm forced to rethink various ... things. :-(

[Swift]

Swift's reply brings this to mind: My mother is technophobic; no computer. Sister doesn't like computer and often won't log onto the 'net. Both live hundreds of miles away (from me and each other).

I am most definitely no technophobic... it would make it hard to moderate CQ. Actually, given I don't like the telephone, e-mail is a blessing to me.

Gillianren, what makes my situation a bit more difficult to accept is that we "are supposed to be close." That was the mindset and value instilled growing up.

I've heard the same "value" too. I think we should pick who we want to be close to, and "blood" isn't by itself sufficient. I am much closer to my younger sister than my older one. Part of that is my older is 16 years older than me, and had a different mom, so we really didn't grow up together.

[Gillianren]

The rest of my family is close. My mother is buying a house for my younger sister (really, get me started), and my older sister probably knows exactly what's going on. And my older sister is physically close to me; she just started work at my alma mater this summer. However, her husband and I don't get along at all. She and I were sisters and friends for a long time, and then she got involved with him.

[R.A.F.]

I voted "other".


When my Dad was alive, I called him every day...at least for the last year or so of his life.

I call my Son almost everyday, because I usually have something to say...and so does he.

My daughter, not so much, as she is a girl, and we just don't have that much to say on a daily basis.

She also lives closer than my Son, and I actually see her every other week or so...

Although we had a long conversation re. Curiosity the day it landed...she is, after all, my Daughter.

[geonuc]

I've discussed in other threads that I don't much like talking on the phone. I can answer the phone fine, and can have short, to-the-point conversations on it, but I can't just chat for hours. And I'm fairly uncomfortable making phone calls. I almost never just spontaneously call a friend or relative up, just to say "hi"; I have to have a reason to call, and even then I have to get my nerve up. I don't really understand why. I think part of it is the lack of visual cues (I have no such problems with in-person conversations) but I don't think that is all of it.

This ^^^

[Perikles]

I've discussed in other threads that I don't much like talking on the phone. I can answer the phone fine, and can have short, to-the-point conversations on it, but I can't just chat for hours. And I'm fairly uncomfortable making phone calls. I almost never just spontaneously call a friend or relative up, just to say "hi"; I have to have a reason to call, and even then I have to get my nerve up. I don't really understand why. I think part of it is the lack of visual cues (I have no such problems with in-person conversations) but I don't think that is all of it.

I'm wondering whether this is another male/female issue, because this is exactly how I treat the phone. Yet all women I know have no problem picking up the phone for no specific reason and yacking to other women for hours about everything and nothing. OK - stereotyping yet again, but there really does seems to be a real difference.

[John Mendenhall]

You just don't have the right environment. The trick is to get on public transportation, ignore the 'Quiet Car' sign, and discuss last night's activities with your significant other profanely and loudly.

[NEOWatcher]

I've discussed in other threads that I don't much like talking on the phone. I can answer the phone fine, and can have short, to-the-point conversations on it, but I can't just chat for hours. And I'm fairly uncomfortable making phone calls. I almost never just spontaneously call a friend or relative up, just to say "hi"; I have to have a reason to call, and even then I have to get my nerve up. I don't really understand why. I think part of it is the lack of visual cues (I have no such problems with in-person conversations) but I don't think that is all of it.

Add me to that list.
The other 2 immediate family members left are very close, but when we get on the phone, it's a lot of "uhm, not much happening". It's a catch-22, the lack of calls induces some guilt and/or stress, but the calls themselves seem useless.

[Buttercup]

I'm wondering whether this is another male/female issue, because this is exactly how I treat the phone.

There does seem to be a gender difference. However, in the cellphone age I must say it seems young men are more talkative than their pre-cellphone counterparts; or at least just as textable as females? Could be wrong though; I don't have teenagers.

Yet all women I know have no problem picking up the phone for no specific reason and yacking to other women for hours about everything and nothing. OK - stereotyping yet again, but there really does seems to be a real difference.

It's called venting. :-) Good venting or bad venting. It's just nice being able to express "anything and everything."

[Solfe]

I was raised by wolves and as you know they don't have thumbs. Telephones are out of the question for them.

[Swift]

I was raised by wolves and as you know they don't have thumbs. Telephones are out of the question for them.

So you communicate with your relatives by finding a near by hill and howl?

[ShinAce]

There does seem to be a gender difference. However, in the cellphone age I must say it seems young men are more talkative than their pre-cellphone counterparts; or at least just as textable as females? Could be wrong though; I don't have teenagers.

I'm gonna go with wrong. Girls are just better at planning and anticipating, and tend to text important stuff before it comes up. Unlike guys, who handle it when it is due. That planning mentality versus dredging along mentality makes for very different conversation styles.

I personally don't take to texting. I'll call my sister up to see how the fam is doing and chat a bit. I'm not a big chatter, but she has two infants on her hands so conversations sometimes end quickly. I'll call my dad(who lives 3000 miles away) and talk for a good hour or so, but only once a week. As for my mom, we don't share a good level of communication. It's sad, but it is what it is.

[primummobile]

My siblings (2 brothers 1 sister) usually communicate via text. My parents just started texting in the last year, and don't do it very often. I prefer to text because it keeps the conversations short. Additionally, my parents don't live far from me so I visit two or three times a month.

[Swift]

I don't like texting, I've maybe done it three times ever. I'm fine with e-mail, but I don't like texting.

[R.A.F.]

I don't like texting, I've maybe done it three times ever. I'm fine with e-mail, but I don't like texting.

The main reason I don't "talk" to my daughter more than I do...she loves texting and has "hooked" my Wife on it. I hate it.

If I want to convey a message, then I will call and tell you...I'm not going to spend time poking little keys on my phone.

I just consider it a waste of time, given that it's a phone, for crin' out loud.



I also don't understand why phones have built-in cameras...

[DonM435]

My older relatives (alas, fewer in number all the time) came from a generation in which "long distance calls" were an example of Borrowed Time, and they haven't quite adjusted to the fact that such calls don't cost an arm and a leg anymore. So, they're usually terse, and I can pretty much control how long the conversation will go on.

I'm ashamed to admit that I like that.

[R.A.F.]

My older relatives (alas, fewer in number all the time) came from a generation in which "long distance calls" were an example of Borrowed Time, and they haven't quite adjusted to the fact that such calls don't cost an arm and a leg anymore. So, they're usually terse, and I can pretty much control how long the conversation will go on.

I'm ashamed to admit that I like that.

I've had "slight" difficuities getting used to free long distance, all the time.

When I was a "kid", long distance telephone conversations were only for emergencies.

[DonM435]

I've had "slight" difficuities getting used to free long distance, all the time.

When I was a "kid", long distance telephone conversations were only for emergencies.

Yep, and everybody else in the house had sit still and be really quiet whenever a Long Distance Call was in progress.

When my far-away uncle phoned my grandma, she might let me say hello to him -- but only for about two seconds, no more.

[Buttercup]

The main reason I don't "talk" to my daughter more than I do...she loves texting and has "hooked" my Wife on it. I hate it.

If I want to convey a message, then I will call and tell you...I'm not going to spend time poking little keys on my phone.

I just consider it a waste of time, given that it's a phone, for crin' out loud.

I totally agree, but apparently I'm in the definite minority. Remember when first hearing about texting, and I was like "Who'd want to do that often??" Oh wow...was I ever wrong! It's such an inane form of communication, imo. Get enough of screen/keys in my work; and this is regular keyboard and a BIG monitor.

I also don't understand why phones have built-in cameras...

Now that I do like. :-) Saves having to buy a digital camera.

[Swift]

I also don't understand why phones have built-in cameras...

Now that I do like. :-) Saves having to buy a digital camera.

I wish they didn't.

First, I'm a pretty serious photographer and I have multiple thousands of dollars in photography equipment. I think it funny when a phone sales person tries to get me to spend money on upgrading my phone for one with a slightly better camera. Dude, if I need to take a serious photo, I've already got it covered.

Second, more and more companies, including the one I work for, restrict the cellphone use of visitors because of the fear you will use the built in camera to take pictures of things they don't want you to, up to and including making you check your phone with the receptionist. The camera in my phone is then effectively making my phone less useful as a phone, since I'm not allowed to carry it with me.

[Ara Pacis]

I prefer to talk to girls on the phone, not in person.

[Buttercup]

I wish they didn't.

First, I'm a pretty serious photographer and I have multiple thousands of dollars in photography equipment. I think it funny when a phone sales person tries to get me to spend money on upgrading my phone for one with a slightly better camera. Dude, if I need to take a serious photo, I've already got it covered.

Second, more and more companies, including the one I work for, restrict the cellphone use of visitors because of the fear you will use the built in camera to take pictures of things they don't want you to, up to and including making you check your phone with the receptionist. The camera in my phone is then effectively making my phone less useful as a phone, since I'm not allowed to carry it with me.

Totally understand about the security/privacy issue with camera phones. Actually I've never owned a digital camera, and when bought this current cellphone a camera was included (including video capability). We seldom take photos (of us, seldom travel, no family around) ... so it's just convenient. I couldn't, at this point in time, justify buying a digital camera.

And frankly, the quality of the photos it can take is JUST nice enough. My old Kodak with film and flash cubes (a gift as a kid) took somewhat nicer photos.

[danscope]

There's twelve children in my family , and their extended families. We are all pretty close and all live within 10 miles of each other but for my brother who is in Portland,Ore. So...how do I vote? No problems??


Dan

[closetgeek]

I'm wondering whether this is another male/female issue, because this is exactly how I treat the phone. Yet all women I know have no problem picking up the phone for no specific reason and yacking to other women for hours about everything and nothing. OK - stereotyping yet again, but there really does seems to be a real difference.

Just with my best friend. We talk at least once a week (at least) and our average length of a phone call is about 3 hours. We have never had a moment where we decided to hang up because there was nothing to talk about. I text my sister, once in a while, and though I broke my vow, never to speak to my mother again, we barely speak to one and other. Sorry, I voted we seldom communicate.