I could only get through four of these. Laughing too hard!
I think I'll write my own:
Dan, a hardworking, yet gentle man. He loved God, his country, and his family, with all his heart.
I may be stretching it a might by using the word "gentle." I did my best to be long-suffering, but when long-suffering and a touch of humor didn't work, I didn't exactly back down.
Funny. But I saw a few that were either copied from each other (the one that "went viral"?) or we're using the same joke. :)