One upmanship!

[redshifter]

Everyone knows someone who's a 'one upper'. You know, the person who always 'one ups' someone else's story. They've always done something/been somewhere better, longer, faster, colder, hotter, more miserable, etc. than everyone else. Well, here's your chance to let out your inner one upper side! I'll start, and subsequent posts have to 'one up' the previous post:


One time I went camping and it was so wet, even the stuff in my dry bag was soaked! It was so muddy, our truck was dug in up to its axles for 5 days.

[LookingSkyward]

One time (ok, more than one) I was on a boat that was so wet we had to make our own oxygen...

[nosbig5]

At least you had oxygen! Our boat was so wet that all the oxygen had been squeezed out of the water and we were floating in liquid hydrogen! I remember it was very cold that day...

[LookingSkyward]

At least your hydrogen was liquid! Our gravity was so high the h2 metalized! cold, squished, and frozen in carbonite!

[Zentisan]

Now that you mentioned carbonite, I remember a time when my friend and I were skiing down a mountain when his skis broke. About that time, a pack of wolves attacked us. Later, we fashioned a sled out of their bones and rode that contraption all the way to the hotel. Oh yeah.

[LookingSkyward]

lucky you had wolves... my friend and I were similarly skiing and attacked by Piranhakeets - making a sled out of feathers took most of a week.

[FarmMarsNow]

An entire weeks worth of feathers? Well that sounds very convenient when you consider that my friend in I using only two feathers dug ourselves out from under an avalanche, after which we sustained ourselves for 2 months eating only snow while our broken bones were healing.

[Zentisan]

Hey, at least you had something to chew on while you mended. Once I was adrift in the Atlantic on a plank sucking in only the evaporation to survive. A passing ship picked me up after a month, but I reckon I could have lasted another month.

[jfribrg]

You had a plank!! All that was around me was plankton. Every time a Blue Whale showed up to feed I had to fend it off with my bare hands. Of course I could have gone the easy route by using my bare hands to kill one of those whales for food, but since they were endangered, I chose to do without. I had previously memorized the entire text of the Endangered Species Act so I knew what the penalties were.

[DonM435]

And this other swimmer said he was The Prince of Whales, a very important person, and that if I rescued him, I'd be rewarded richly. I told him that if he were indeed the Prince of Whales, he could go and order the other whales to rescue us both. Just as I suspected, he sank like a rock.

[Noclevername]

At least you had water! I had to swim in nothing but air. And it wasn't even very good air.

[LookingSkyward]

Heh - my team and I had to hike back from Mars. We didn't even have air, and none of us could swim.

[Noclevername]

You got to go to Mars? Lucky duck, I only had a sandbox and we had to steal sand from the cat to make that!

[Swift]

You had a cat? We dreamed of having a cat. I had to train a cockroach to meow.

[Noclevername]

You had a live cockroach? I had to tie a string to mine and drag it around the room!

[Swift]

Who said it was alive? Anyone can train a live cockroach to meow; you really have to work hard to train a dead one.

Where did you get a string? We didn't have string.

[Noclevername]

We just called it a string-- it was really a tapeworm. And we only had one, so we had to share it.

[Swift]

At least you had someone to share it with; I was all alone.

[Noclevername]

Ah, blessed solitude. There were so many of us crammed into one house that there was no room for walls-- we just rested a roof on top of the pile. (And it was a leaky roof, at that.)

[FarmMarsNow]

Yes, I felt sorry for you as I lived under your floor to warm its plumbing with my body. Ever wonder why your pipes never froze?

[Noclevername]

Is that what they told you? We had no floor and no plumbing. We had to walk thirty miles to go to the outhouse. In snow! Uphill! Both ways!

[FarmMarsNow]

We had an outhouse once, but it was forty miles away and was infested with giant spiders.

[Noclevername]

You got travel and a meal? How extravagant!

(For some reason I'm imagining this post in Zoidberg's voice.)

[FarmMarsNow]

Eating outhouse spiders was part of our religion, but I never believed in that crap about walking forty miles to dinner. To save our soles we had to go barefoot.

We just called it a string-- it was really a tapeworm. And we only had one, so we had to share it.

ha ha hee

[Noclevername]

You mean you had feet? We had to stump our way there on ankle-bones.

[LookingSkyward]

At least you had bones! We were always jellyfish...

[FarmMarsNow]

You know, apple and grape jellyfish are considered a delicacy in Japan.

[redshifter]

Delicacy??? We had to drink the seawater wrung out of jellyfish and called it a delicacy. After our kidneys shut down from the saltwater, we made artificial ones out of old pantyhose.

[nosbig5]

You had an ocean, with unlimited seawater? You were coddled. All we ever had was sand in all directions, had to dig 50 feet underground just to find sand wet enough to wring our saltwater out of.

[Noclevername]

All that sand, for free? We only had one grain of sand, we had to pass it around.