Really trivial stuff that amuses you...

[DonM435]

Here’s a game that you can play almost anywhere when you’re hanging around with nothing to do.

Grab the nearest phone book. Access the “yellow pages.” You know how these are arranged, right? Alphabetically by subject, with guide words at the top of the page, referencing the first and last items on the page. Often it’s just one word if an entry goes on for many pages (e.g., “Hotels”).

The trick is just to look for the pages with two words. You ignore the hyphen and make a phrase out of the two words. Often it’ll be something boring, like “roofing sandblasting,” but a surprising amount of the time it’ll be something mildly amusing. It’s rare to find something really hilarious, but I’ve rarely been disappointed.

(Of course the range varies with the size of the book's coverage, but I've tried it in big cities and small towns, and it works.)

Some examples (I stopped halfway through):

YELLOW PAGES
BellSouth for Cocoa Beach/Cocoa Apr 2004-05
Advertising air
Alzheimer’s antiques
Asphalt assisted
Banquet bathroom
Beauty bibles
Billiard blood
Blood boat
Boat bowling
Cancer carpet
Child chiropractric
Chiropractic churches
Coffee computers
Cosmetics court
Credit crematories
Dock doors
Electric employee
Financial fire
Fire fishing
Floor florists
Furniture games
Glass golf
Income insulation
Investment janitors
Limousine liquor
Martial massage

[DonM435]

When I was a kid, the crosswalks in my neighbourhood only triggered walk lights if you pressed the button at very specific times. I got in the habit of pushing the button too many times in the hopes of getting it just right, and it's taken years to break myself of it.

You are aware that the more times that you press the "up" or "down" button in the lobby, the faster the elevator will arrive to pick you up. As everybody's behavior seems to indicate that they believe this, it must be true, right?

[Gillianren]

I both admire and am amused by this.

At faire, we set out a bowl in the front of the booth for dog water. This weekend, it was most appreciated.

Personally, I am both amused and annoyed by all the people we get who expect us to remember them from one year to the next--or further. "I bought a pin from you six years ago at the old site. [We're on our second site since then.] Remember me? Which one did I get? [There are hundreds of little pewter pins with sayings on them.]"

[Swift]

Personally, I am both amused and annoyed by all the people we get who expect us to remember them from one year to the next--or further. "I bought a pin from you six years ago at the old site. [We're on our second site since then.] Remember me? Which one did I get? [There are hundreds of little pewter pins with sayings on them.]"

My wife and I had the opposite experience many years ago.

There is a local arts and craft festival called the Cain Park Art Festival. One year we were looking at one of the booths, a vendor who made these 4 to 6 foot totem poles out of styrofoam that we rather liked. He came up to us and did a big double-take; turned out that my wife looked a lot like his sister-in-law, and he thought it was her at first.

The following year we saw the same vendor and he did the exact same thing. He remembered we had come by the previous year, and said if he did the same double-take the next year, we'd get some big discount.

Of course, he didn't display the third year. <shrug>

[Trebuchet]

At faire, we set out a bowl in the front of the booth for dog water. This weekend, it was most appreciated.

Personally, I am both amused and annoyed by all the people we get who expect us to remember them from one year to the next--or further. "I bought a pin from you six years ago at the old site. [We're on our second site since then.] Remember me? Which one did I get? [There are hundreds of little pewter pins with sayings on them.]"

Hey, I was able to walk into a booth after two years and one of the workers recognized me!

[Paul Beardsley]

Advertising air [etc]

I am embarrased at how funny I found that list. I mean, come on, it isn't funny, and the fact that I laughed helplessly is not evidence to the contrary.

[Paul Beardsley]

Personally, I am both amused and annoyed by all the people we get who expect us to remember them from one year to the next--or further. "I bought a pin from you six years ago at the old site. [We're on our second site since then.] Remember me? Which one did I get? [There are hundreds of little pewter pins with sayings on them.]"

I remember going into a shop that sold cuddly toys. I wanted to get a new penguin for my wife Clare. I picked one up, and was about to pay for it when the assistant, a pleasant young woman, said, "She's already got that one." She was right, too.

[DonM435]

I am embarrased at how funny I found that list. I mean, come on, it isn't funny, and the fact that I laughed helplessly is not evidence to the contrary.

It's surprising how often the phrase that you find works, to some extent. I suspect that the incidental alliteration provides some appeal that a list of random pairs of words would not.

[Trebuchet]

Martial massage

I initial read that one as "marital massage". Oops!

[Gillianren]

Hey, I was able to walk into a booth after two years and one of the workers recognized me!

It was the shirt, of course.

[KaiYeves]

I am embarrased at how funny I found that list. I mean, come on, it isn't funny, and the fact that I laughed helplessly is not evidence to the contrary.

The mental images some of them produce ("Glass golf") are pretty funny to me.

Something that amuses me-- everybody at working asking if the temporary NASA insignia tattoo I put on my arm last night for the Curiosity landing was permanent... despite the fact that they have seen me in short sleeves multiple times before when it wasn't there.

[Paul Beardsley]

The mental images some of them produce ("Glass golf") are pretty funny to me.

Well yes, granted, but I've been killing myself laughing at things like "boat bowling", "investment janitors" and "dock doors". As in, I was trying to read them to my wife but was laughing too much to get it out. I mean, okay, the first two evoke amusing images, but why in the name of sanity am I finding "dock doors" funny???

Something that amuses me-- everybody at working asking if the temporary NASA insignia tattoo I put on my arm last night for the Curiosity landing was permanent... despite the fact that they have seen me in short sleeves multiple times before when it wasn't there.

They might think you had it done last night. Hmm, where can I get a temporary tattoo that looks permanent?

And how come "tattoo" more or less rhymes with "lasso" when the latter only has one O?

[Paul Beardsley]

We got the Yellow Pages a few days ago. It was waiting to be put in the recyc bin (what do we need Yellow Pages for? this is the 21st century!) but I just grabbed it, brought it into the lounge, ripped the cover off, and started flicking through it.

Clare went, "Oh no!"

But it doesn't do that thing with the hyphens. I got excited for a moment when I saw "Microwave Ovens - Repairs" but then realised it's just a subset.

So I chucked it on the floor.

That's the most banal story I've told for a while.

[Noclevername]

Something that amuses me-- everybody at working asking if the temporary NASA insignia tattoo I put on my arm last night for the Curiosity landing was permanent... despite the fact that they have seen me in short sleeves multiple times before when it wasn't there.

Maybe they thought you got it after some wild party last night.

[Torsten]

And how come "tattoo" more or less rhymes with "lasso" when the latter only has one O?

Too, to, two? And the end of "moss", sounds like Chaos.

[Jim]

And how come "tattoo" more or less rhymes with "lasso" when the latter only has one O?

'Cause you're pronouncing it wrong? It's "lass-oh," long O.

[Trebuchet]

'Cause you're pronouncing it wrong? It's "lass-oh," long O.

Or "lariat".

[Noclevername]

Or "rope".

[Strange]

I wanted to get a new penguin for my wife

Not a phrase you hear every day.

[LookingSkyward]

Not a phrase you hear every day.

heh... maybe you don't! THAT amuses me :>

[ToSeek]

We got the Yellow Pages a few days ago. It was waiting to be put in the recyc bin (what do we need Yellow Pages for? this is the 21st century!) but I just grabbed it, brought it into the lounge, ripped the cover off, and started flicking through it.

Clare went, "Oh no!"

But it doesn't do that thing with the hyphens. I got excited for a moment when I saw "Microwave Ovens - Repairs" but then realised it's just a subset.

So I chucked it on the floor.

That's the most banal story I've told for a while.

There was great excitement in my home town when someone realized there was a page captioned "Lawyers - Lie".

[LookingSkyward]

There was great excitement in my home town when someone realized there was a page captioned "Lawyers - Lie".

now that IS funny!

[Swift]

Originally Posted by Paul Beardsley I wanted to get a new penguin for my wife

Not a phrase you hear every day.

LoL That amuses me.

I wonder if their old one, on top of the TV, exploded?

[Paul Beardsley]

LoL That amuses me.

I wonder if their old one, on top of the TV, exploded?

I do have a t-shirt with a picture of a penguin on a TV; the penguin has an alarmed look as THAT announcement is made by the announcer:

http://www.penguin-place.com/apparel...e-tele-t-shirt

[Trebuchet]

I just returned from donating blood. They give you a rubber block to squeeze on and put it inside a surgical glove for sanitary purposes. About halfway through the draw I happened to look over at my hand and discovered that every time I squeezed, one finger of the glove would inflate with air and point out across the room. After two or three cycles I was cracking up and had to turn my head and attempt to think about something else.

While on the topic of giving blood: If you're able, please do it. My late mother owed the last 2-1/2 years of her life to transfusions at the rate of two units about every two weeks. That's around 130 units that some wonderful person donated. At one unit every eight weeks, it'll take me 20 years to make up for all that. I'm about five years in now and will keep it going as long as they'll have me.

[Swift]

About halfway through the draw I happened to look over at my hand and discovered that every time I squeezed, one finger of the glove would inflate with air and point out across the room. After two or three cycles I was cracking up and had to turn my head and attempt to think about something else.

Hmmm... I wonder which finger it might have been.....

[Trebuchet]

Hmmm... I wonder which finger it might have been.....

I was avoiding going there, but since you've brought it up...I couldn't really tell! I think it was probably the index finger, however.

[Noclevername]

Maybe it was giving you a "thumbs up"!

[HenrikOlsen]

Having donated some 28 times over the years, I agree with Trebuchet.
Those 3.7 gallons was the easiest way to help people I've yet found.
Had to stop when I started on hypertension drugs, they're not good for other people to get, so 28 times is all I get to do.

As for amusing things about it, I had a friendly competition with a friend to see who'd get to 25 first, after about 10 years we ended up donating our 25th portion less than a week apart.

[Paul Beardsley]

I agree with Trebuchet too, but whenever I donated I found I was very run down a day or too later, and ended up taking a day's sick leave each time. I explained this to the transfusion service people and they told me, quite nicely, that it might be best if I stopped donating.