She was just a flat picture, but he loved her after she developed.
Order of Kilopi
She was just a flat picture, but he loved her after she developed.
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Order of Kilopi
I once knew a woman named Dorothy who, along with her brother Dashiel, opened a school to teach Morse Code. It was named after them: Dot & Dash.
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Order of Kilopi
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
I wish I knew all those years ago that simply joining this board and proclaiming myself to be rational would magically transform my uninformed opinions into science; it would have saved me a lot of time and effort.
Order of Kilopi
"One time I was arrested by a female cop. I came on to her, and she unshackled me."
"Wow, that really worked? Had you planned what to say?"
"No, my remarks were off the cuff."
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Order of Kilopi
Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils?
I wish I knew all those years ago that simply joining this board and proclaiming myself to be rational would magically transform my uninformed opinions into science; it would have saved me a lot of time and effort.
Order of Kilopi
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe? It's over your head.
Have you heard the joke about the snake? It's pretty long.
Have you heard the joke about the pig? It's kind of dirty.
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Order of Kilopi
Have you heard the one about the galloping horse? It's hard to follow.
I wish I knew all those years ago that simply joining this board and proclaiming myself to be rational would magically transform my uninformed opinions into science; it would have saved me a lot of time and effort.
Order of Kilopi
Let me add a rider to that joke, the horse ran because he couldn't pony up a bet after some jockeying at the track, so he took the shoemetal express before he got nailed.Originally Posted by Coelacanth
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Order of Kilopi
Did you hear the one about the moldy cheese? It was in poor taste.
I wish I knew all those years ago that simply joining this board and proclaiming myself to be rational would magically transform my uninformed opinions into science; it would have saved me a lot of time and effort.
Order of Kilopi
was it a bit blue?
Order of Kilopi
What did the mother buffalo say to her child as he left for school?...Bison!
I wish I knew all those years ago that simply joining this board and proclaiming myself to be rational would magically transform my uninformed opinions into science; it would have saved me a lot of time and effort.
Order of Kilopi
Dinner time in an east London home.
Child says, "Mom, pass the budder".
Mother "It's not 'budder' it's Butter !!'
Child says, "Please pass the BUTTER mom"
Mother "That's bedder".
A holiday ,maker in Thailand is being caressed and kissed and given
a wonderful warm welcome to the country on his first night.
Good looking girls, nice legs, great bosom, pert bums and full lips.
He chooses one of them when they ask him if he wants to go
back to their place.. After a short drive across town the girl
pulls up outside a house and perfectly reverse parks in a small space
on the first go.
At this point the holiday maker thinks........'Hang On a minute......?
Order of Kilopi
What do you call a question with no answer?
...
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Order of Kilopi
Your Philosophy course final exam?
...[/QUOTE]
Order of Kilopi
Q: What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back at him.
I wish I knew all those years ago that simply joining this board and proclaiming myself to be rational would magically transform my uninformed opinions into science; it would have saved me a lot of time and effort.
Order of Kilopi
Did you hear the one about the fish mafia that threatened to put informants in styrofoam shoes and send them floating up to "sleep with the humans"?
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Established Member
You think our loan sharks are tough. Buddy you ain't seen nothin'. I once turned to them when I was drowning in debt. I had a whale of a time paying them back.Did you hear the one about the fish mafia that threatened to put informants in styrofoam shoes and send them floating up to "sleep with the humans"?
Order of Kilopi
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, Whack, Dang! A bad skydiver goes Dang! Whack.
I wish I knew all those years ago that simply joining this board and proclaiming myself to be rational would magically transform my uninformed opinions into science; it would have saved me a lot of time and effort.
Order of Kilopi
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Give a man a fishing rod and he will steal your wallet from a distance.
Honored Member
Q: What is the difference between a large pizza and a science fiction writer?
A: A large pizza will feed a family of four.
Established Member
A lawyer, a hematologist and a giant male mosquito walk into a bar; the bartender takes one look, reaches under the bar and pulls out a shotgun and points at them.
"This is a respectable place, we don't let blood sucking creatures in here", then he points to the mosquito, "You can stay".
Order of Kilopi
They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. (Bob Monkhouse)
(I just saw this somewhere, but can't remember where, so my apologies if someone already posted it.)
I wish I knew all those years ago that simply joining this board and proclaiming myself to be rational would magically transform my uninformed opinions into science; it would have saved me a lot of time and effort.
Established Member
I was visiting the graveyard yesterday and I noticed four men in black carrying a coffin. Three hours later, they were still carrying it around.
They had obviously lost the plot.
Established Member
Reminds me of the Dave Allen Joke:-
They were drinking in a pub late and the night was black and pouring rain. Eventually one man left and took a short cut across the graveyard. Fell into a freshly dug grave. Tried to get out but it was too slippery so he crouched down, coat over his head, to wait for the rain to stop. A little later his friend decided to leave the pub too and took the same short cut and he fell into the grave too. He tried to climb out but it was slippery. After a few seconds the first man said "You'll never get get out"..........................but he did!
Administrator
This woman had recently moved into senior citizen housing and her son was coming for a visit for the first time. He calls her up to get directions.
"When you get to the building, press the button by my name, with your elbow, and I'll answer on the intercom and let you in the building. Then, press the button for the elevator with your elbow, and when it comes, press the button for the third floor with your elbow. When you get to the third floor, go to apartment 311 and press the door bell with your elbow."
"OK mom, that's great, but why do I need to press all the buttons with my elbow".
"Well, aren't your arms going to be filled with the stuff you're bringing me?"
Administrator
Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?
Administrator
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang 'Happy Birthday'.
Honored Member
I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it. -George Carlin
Honored Member
Argon walks into a bar. No one reacts.
Order of Kilopi
bloke walks into a Library
Asks for a book about suicide
"Get lost" says the Librarian
"You won't bring it back"
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