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Thread: Because it's never too soon to get your kids into therapy...

  1. #1
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    Because it's never too soon to get your kids into therapy...

    Have your child stalked by an evil clown.

    He is a birthday treat, hired by mum and dad, and the ‘attack' involves being splatted in the face with a cake.
    Yeah.

    I wonder how they determine whose kid it is. I see the potential for abuse.

    Plus, with the list I have, it would get expensive.
    I'm Not Evil.
    An evil person would do the things that pop into my head.

  2. #2
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    Yeck! Wierd stuff to do to your kid... although I used to squirt my kids with water when they tunnelled in to the tv to the point that they didn't notice me come in with a squirt gun...

  3. #3
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    "‘Bringing a little bit of life and laughter into kids' lives is what we are all about.'"
    Really? Really? I don't even know where to begin!
    _____________________________________________
    Gillian

    "Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

    "You can't erase icing."

    "I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

  4. #4
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    I tell my wife "College or therapy, we can only afford one." That clown would make even my oldest and toughest cry.
    Solfe

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "Triangles are my favorite shape
    "Three points where two lines meet"
    Tessellate, Alt-J

  5. #5
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    Are there really parents out there who would do that? I can usually find humour in anything, but not here.

  6. #6
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    They control guns tightly in Switzerland, right? Otherwise, someone would blow that creep away pretty swiftly, I'd guess.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by DonM435 View Post
    They control guns tightly in Switzerland, right?
    Yes, they make sure everyone has one.
    Quote Originally Posted by DonM435 View Post
    Otherwise, someone would blow that creep away pretty swiftly, I'd guess.
    They're for repelling invaders, not for killing clowns.
    __________________________________________________
    Reductionist and proud of it.

    Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn. Benjamin Franklin
    Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat tails. Clarence Darrow
    A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. Mark Twain

  8. #8
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    In the US, the parents of the other kids at the party would sue the birthday kid's parents and the clown for traumatizing their kids, and the child welfare folks would charge the kid's parents for child abuse, and the whole mess would be stalked by evil lawyers.
    "There are powers in this universe beyond anything you know. There is much you have to learn. Go to your homes. Go and give thought to the mysteries of the universe. I will leave you now, in peace." --Galaxy Being

  9. #9
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    Ugh, that would have terrified me as a kid.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by HenrikOlsen View Post
    They're for repelling invaders, not for killing clowns.
    Which is which? I can't tell.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luckmeister View Post
    In the US, the parents of the other kids at the party would sue the birthday kid's parents and the clown for traumatizing their kids, and the child welfare folks would charge the kid's parents for child abuse, and the whole mess would be stalked by evil lawyers.
    Actually, I was just thinking about the legal issues. Because if you're getting threatening messages, shouldn't you report them to the cops? I mean, stalking is a crime--and should be. So then when you find out that your parents paid someone to stalk you, doesn't that just make things worse? Wouldn't it just make all kinds of trust issues blossom?
    _____________________________________________
    Gillian

    "Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

    "You can't erase icing."

    "I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by KaiYeves View Post
    Ugh, that would have terrified me as a kid.
    That would terrify me now.

  13. #13
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    The Evil Clown thing reminds me of the stunts Howie Mandel pulled on his tv show Howie Do It, but I think it would be too mean, even for him.
    "There are powers in this universe beyond anything you know. There is much you have to learn. Go to your homes. Go and give thought to the mysteries of the universe. I will leave you now, in peace." --Galaxy Being

  14. #14
    I think the only way it could really work is if the kid knows that it's not real; although I'm not sure how one would tell a kid that you have paid a clown to stalk them.......

  15. #15
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    "Well, it turns out I'm a lousy parent . . . ."
    _____________________________________________
    Gillian

    "Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

    "You can't erase icing."

    "I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

  16. #16
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    "Mom, Dad, you may be wondering why I picked a retirement home for you where the staff believes daily enemas are crucial for healthy living. Well, remember the clown? ..."
    __________________________________________________
    Reductionist and proud of it.

    Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn. Benjamin Franklin
    Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat tails. Clarence Darrow
    A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. Mark Twain

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by HenrikOlsen View Post
    "Mom, Dad, you may be wondering why I picked a retirement home for you where the staff believes daily enemas are crucial for healthy living. Well, remember the clown? ..."
    "There are powers in this universe beyond anything you know. There is much you have to learn. Go to your homes. Go and give thought to the mysteries of the universe. I will leave you now, in peace." --Galaxy Being

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by HenrikOlsen View Post
    Yes, they make sure everyone has one.
    ...
    They're for repelling invaders, not for killing clowns.
    (The subject was "guns.")
    Admirable restraint by the Swiss. But I'll bet no evil clown would pull this kind of stunt in, say, Austin, Texas.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by DonM435 View Post
    (The subject was "guns.")
    Admirable restraint by the Swiss. But I'll bet no evil clown would pull this kind of stunt in, say, Austin, Texas.
    Austin might be the safest part of Texas for it, at that.
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

  20. #20
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    Sick and stupid.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by HenrikOlsen View Post
    "Mom, Dad, you may be wondering why I picked a retirement home for you where the staff believes daily enemas are crucial for healthy living. Well, remember the clown? ..."
    That reminds me of The Road to Wellville:

    William Lightbody: Oh, no, no, I can't eat fifteen gallons of yoghurt.
    Dr. Kellogg: Oh, it's not going in that end, Mr. Lightbody.
    Solfe

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "Triangles are my favorite shape
    "Three points where two lines meet"
    Tessellate, Alt-J

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by HenrikOlsen View Post
    "Mom, Dad, you may be wondering why I picked a retirement home for you where the staff believes daily enemas are crucial for healthy living. Well, remember the clown? ..."
    I probably already told this story, but I like repeating it. At one of my daughter's recreational soccer league games several years ago, a parent of a player on the opposing team called his daughter to the sideline before she went back to the bench for halftime. He proceeded to (inappropriately IMHO) dress her down for not performing to his standards, jeopardizing future scholarships, etc. I turned to another parent who was standing next to me and said "Can you believe this guy?" His response was, "Don't worry, someday she'll get to choose his nursing home."
    I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them. - Jimmy Hoffa

  23. #23
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    Wouldn't the nation's jolly good clowns rise up against the evil ones?
    We'd have these Clown Wars, with mallets and giant seltzer weapons and edible missiles.
    Horrible, yet still hilarious.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by DonM435 View Post
    Wouldn't the nation's jolly good clowns rise up against the evil ones?
    We'd have these Clown Wars, with mallets and giant seltzer weapons and edible missiles.
    Horrible, yet still hilarious.
    That is a wonderful mental image.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gillianren View Post
    Really? Really? I don't even know where to begin!
    Start by selecting a Spalding 4 iron*.

    Target the area at the bulge of the quadriceps but make it seem you're going for a head-shot. This wil get his arms around his head and not defending his thigh. Swing from the shoulder using both hands and try to not close your eyes upon impact. (Though that's hard to do at first.)

    This will prevent him from running away. Maybe even put him on the ground, unable to rise.

    Either way you will be able to easily out-manuever him from then on and pulverize him at your leisure. Remember, the opening thigh attack is key to a successful blunt instrument assault!

    No need to thank me, it's payback for all the great grammer lessons.

    *Spalding steel shafted clubs have very little flex for a golf club, allowing for fantastic control at the expense of a little range.

  26. #26
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    "Grammar." But thanks for the tips!
    _____________________________________________
    Gillian

    "Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

    "You can't erase icing."

    "I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by KaiYeves View Post
    That is a wonderful mental image.
    "The Evil Clowns got the entire village with their cannons! Why it must have taken all night to fire each Good Clown out of one! Oh, the humanity!"

    Honk! Honk! Splat!

    "Pie assault! Run!"

  28. #28
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    Begun, the Clown War has.

  29. #29
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    "Hold it there: we can fit a lot more commandos in that clown jeep! You don't believe it, eh ... ?"

  30. #30
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    ICP must really be hurting for work these days--poor juggalos.

    Then too, they might come from space.

    "We all float UP here."

    Quote Originally Posted by HenrikOlsen View Post

    They're for repelling invaders, not for killing clowns.
    Tell that to this kid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecAkQumNQyE

    Kennesaw GA too, where the crime rate of evil clowns dropped 89% Take that Pennywise.

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