We don't need no stinkin' Untrue Facts! (!!!)

[peteshimmon]

The best grammar in a song was some jazz
number about an inebriated fellow who lay
down near a sleeping pig. A lady exclaimed
"You can tell a man who boozes by the company
he chooses" and the pig got up and slowly
walked away. All carefully enunciated otherwise
you might not get it!

Most pop songs have nothing to get and most
modern female warblers wriggle like mad to
deflect attention from the unfortunate sounds
emanating.

The untrue fact is the grammar award for "it
ain't me babe". My old English teacher would
have fainted

[profloater]

there was a malodorous spammer
whose virus was named the e-hammer
it changed every word,
to something absurd
and created a new form of Grammar.

[mike alexander]

Take up the ferret's burden
Send forth the best ye breed
To catch a big, fat gopher
And slake your hunger's need

[mike alexander]

Take up the ferret's burden
Send forth the best ye breed
To catch a big, fat gopher
And slake your hunger's need

Some ask: "Why do you discuss ferrets in a thread of untrue facts?"

I reply: "Why not?"

[profloater]

I had a friend whose father kept a ferret to hunt rabbits and would get stuck down the hole and we would go early to dig it out because otherwise it would just eat its way through the rabbit and escape unseen and when we found it the ferret would always wink at me and burp and my reward was a Coke. Now some of that is untrue, and we never found a gopher either in fact I am not sure if a gopher is a rabbit with attitude - or not.

[Sarawak]

Ferrets knit.

[profloater]

worth picture a thousand a words is. That's a disorder! Count Pixels

[Sarawak]

That's not rain, the sky is falling!

[Swift]

Sky futures were down 7% on the Chicago Meteorology Exchange at the start of trading this morning.

[Chuck]

Arizona's secret lunar colony died out due to strict immigration laws.

[mike alexander]

Thousands of UFO believers were shocked today when they learned that 51, despite looking like it, is not a prime number, being divisible by 3, 17 and the letter Q.

[mike alexander]

Young Math Whiz Amazes Local Television Reporters

Eight-year-old Timmy Wells astounded Jennifer Pica of NEWS5 when he demonstrated his mathematical theorem that all integer numbers can be constructed by summing a series of ones.

As Pica watched and the cameras rolled, young Wells showed as an example that "If you want to get eight, you add one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and presto! Eight!"

Pica tried it for herself on-camera, using three. While she kept coming up with four ones, she told viewers that Wells "Seems to be on the right track."

[profloater]

If you added all the integers in a row I wouldn't be at all surprised. In a column, yes, columns are for adding. Columnists are for subtracting

[Sarawak]

The server capacity is set too high, so when the post count reaches a certain limit, BAUT will collapse into a neutron board.

[Chuck]

The War of 1812 got it's name because the Americans never paid the $18.12 it cost to make photocopies of The Treaty of Paris.

[Sarawak]

The violation of the Treaty of Paris led to the Trojan War.

[Chuck]

The U.S. didn't ratify The Kyoto Accords because congress figured we didn't need more foreign cars.

[Sarawak]

Also, an influential member of Congress was bitten by a Kyoto dragon.

[profloater]

This is the year of the Kyoto dragon and all are encouraged to try the congress of the dragon page 93 in my edition.

[swampyankee]

The Congress of the Dragon was convened by Vlad Țepeș in order to promote his new business, the sale of pre-fabricated stakes.

[Sarawak]

Although Vlad (known as TV, since the family name comes first in Romania) convened the Congress of the Dragon, known by its acronym COK, he soon lost control of the proceedings to Bruce Lee.

[Chuck]

H.G.Wells was writing a story about the invention of a machine for grinding thyme, but his publisher misunderstood and got all excited about some other plot idea.

[swampyankee]

The honorary speaker at this year's International Conference of Sophists is <insert random politician here>.

[mike alexander]

The dreadnought HMS Intransigent was the first warship named after a three year old who would not eat his peas no matter what. It was followed by HMS Sulky and HMS No!

[mike alexander]

Abbacination is a form of torture where the victim is exposed to the soundtrack of "Mamma Mia" until driven insane.

[Sarawak]

My enemies have been vanquished.

[swampyankee]

Coelacanths have been listed as endangered, so their gall bladders are now considered cures for "masculine problems."

[Sarawak]

I like the above post.

[Swift]

The gall bladder was invented by Dr. Samuel Gall in 1917 (thank you Tom Lehrer).

[swampyankee]

Tom Lehrer is beloved by pigeons.