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Thread: Nerd jokes

  1. #1
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    Nerd jokes

    Title pretty much sums it up. Here's two of them and stop me if you heard them before:

    A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer."How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge".

    There are 10 kinds of people in this world:
    Those who know binary code and those who don't.

  2. #2
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    Heard them before, and hearing them again saps my will to live.

    (And yes, it's entirely my own fault for clicking on the thread.)

  3. #3
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    I don't know any nerd jokes. Maybe I'll try to make one up. ::thinking::...

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    Why do nerds always get Halloween and Christmas confused?

    Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

  5. #5
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    Okay, so there's a singularity, see? And he walks up to a supernov...well he doesn't walk up, the Universe is expanding so he kind of moves... Well, actually the singularity isn't moving. He's in one place but the supernova is exploding, well,... they...I mixed it up. There was a physicist and a photon. None of them were walking...

    Oh Drat

  6. #6
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    *sighs*

    Do I really have to drag out the one about the engineer, the physicist, and the mathematician again?
    Or the other one about the engineer, the phycisist and the mathematician... or...


  7. #7
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    Let's clarify, there are nerd jokes and there are nerdy jokes. Nerd jokes are jokes about nerds, like ethnic jokes. Nerd jokes are probably a subset of nerdy jokes. So far only Strange's is a nerd joke; the others are nerdy.

  8. #8
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    Does it have to be about science?



    A musician arrived at the pearly gates.

    "What did you do when you were alive?" asked St. Peter.

    "I was the principal trombone player of the London Symphony Orchestra"

    "Excellent! We have a vacancy in our celestial symphony orchestra for a trombonist. Why don't you turn up at the next rehearsal."

    So, when the time for the next rehearsal arrived our friend turned up with his heavenly trombone. As he took his seat God moved, in a mysterious way, to the podium and tapped his batton to bring the players to attention. Our friend turned to the angelic second trombonist and whispered, "So, what's God like as a conductor?"

    "Oh, he's O.K. most of the time, but occasionally he thinks he's von Karajan."

  9. #9
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    **groan** that joke was borrowed from golf, but left the humor behind

  10. #10
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    Two Hydrogen atoms were walking down the street.

    One atom trips and falls and says, "Ohh Noo... I think I lost an electron!"

    The other atom replies, "are you sure?"

    The first atoms exclaims, "I'm Positive!"




    Heard this from my A&P teacher. I was the only one who got it.

  11. #11
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    I'm tellin' ya, that elevator was so crowded, my neutrons were touchin' each other!
    I'm a cynical optimist. I think the only way out is through, but once we get through it'll be better. Very different, but better. Howard Tayler

    It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. Charles Darwin

    Power, Lord Acton says, corrupts. Not always. What power always does is reveal. Robert A. Caro

  12. #12
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    Two drums and a cymbal fall off a table...


  13. #13
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    How about this classic calculator joke from 5th grade

    5318008

  14. 2011-Apr-14, 07:59 PM
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  15. #14
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    Argon walks into a bar.
    The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here!"
    Argon doesn't react.

    If a Pizza has a radius Z and a depth A, it's volume can be defined as Pi*Z*Z*A.

    You mom is so ugly, not even Fluorine will bond with her!

    Politicians think the glass would be more half empty if the opposition was in charge.
    Engineers think the glass is twice as large as it needs to be.
    Physicists know we don't know how much water is in the glass, because just by measuring it, you've changed the outcome.

    There are two types of people in the universe, those that can extrapolate from incomplete data and....

    Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving and get pulled over.
    The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
    Heisenberg says. "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was."
    The cop thinks this answer is warrant for a search, and finds a dead cat in the trunk.
    He asks, "Do you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?"
    Schroedinger says, "Pft, well I do now."

  16. #15
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    Your mom is so fat, it's not "heavy lifter", it's "heavy lift-her".

  17. #16
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    A nerd at the supermarket --

    "Where do they keep the toast around here?"

  18. #17
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    Your Momma's So Fat her belt size is "accretion disk".

    YMSF she doesn't have fallen arches, she has fallen electron shells.

    YMSF her dress size is "event horizon".

    YMSF she calls the Virgo Supercluster "my little charm bracelet".

    YMSF things look closer to her due to gravitational lensing.

    YMSF scientists asked her to laugh so they could discover gravity waves.

    YMSF her nickname is The Great Attractor.
    I'm a cynical optimist. I think the only way out is through, but once we get through it'll be better. Very different, but better. Howard Tayler

    It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. Charles Darwin

    Power, Lord Acton says, corrupts. Not always. What power always does is reveal. Robert A. Caro

  19. #18
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    An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first goes up to the bartender and says, "I'll have a pint of lager, please." Each next one says, "and I'll have half of what he's having." The bartender says, "You're all idiots," and pulls two pints.

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    Surely that would only be 1.99999.... pints?

  21. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strange View Post
    Surely that would only be 1.99999.... pints?
    The last .0000...0000001 is poured out to honor our fallen homies.
    I'm a cynical optimist. I think the only way out is through, but once we get through it'll be better. Very different, but better. Howard Tayler

    It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. Charles Darwin

    Power, Lord Acton says, corrupts. Not always. What power always does is reveal. Robert A. Caro

  22. #21
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    The sum from 0 to infinity of 2^-n converges to 2.

  23. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by strat View Post
    An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
    The fire marshal comes in and issues a citation for exceeding the occupancy permit by an infinite amount, then closes down the bar.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

    All moderation in purple - The rules

  24. #23
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    When somebody talks about making space travel "quick and cheap", it is not a good idea to respond "Like your mom?"

  25. #24
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    Quick and cheap space travel? That's OTRAGious.
    I'm a cynical optimist. I think the only way out is through, but once we get through it'll be better. Very different, but better. Howard Tayler

    It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. Charles Darwin

    Power, Lord Acton says, corrupts. Not always. What power always does is reveal. Robert A. Caro

  26. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by strat View Post
    The sum from 0 to infinity of 2^-n converges to 2.
    Yes, but beer is not divisible beyond a certain point. Once you're down to a glass with just eight molecules of water, one of ethanol and one miscellaneous ester or acid, somebody's going to get only water on the next halving and start a fight or something.

  27. #26
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    Two scientists walk into a bar... the first one says, "I'll have some H2O." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he dies.

  28. #27
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    Your momma's so old she calls the Big Bang "my little hiccup".
    I'm a cynical optimist. I think the only way out is through, but once we get through it'll be better. Very different, but better. Howard Tayler

    It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. Charles Darwin

    Power, Lord Acton says, corrupts. Not always. What power always does is reveal. Robert A. Caro

  29. #28
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    Here's a picture I found on the internet, I sent it to my Chemistry teacher when we were learning about the Periodic Table of Elements....



    xD

  30. #29
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    No no no, oxygen never leaves TV, or at least the WE channel.

  31. #30
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    Q: How many hydrogen atoms does it take to make peroxide?

    A: Oh, two.
    I'm a cynical optimist. I think the only way out is through, but once we get through it'll be better. Very different, but better. Howard Tayler

    It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. Charles Darwin

    Power, Lord Acton says, corrupts. Not always. What power always does is reveal. Robert A. Caro

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