Member
Title pretty much sums it up. Here's two of them and stop me if you heard them before:
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer."How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge".
There are 10 kinds of people in this world:
Those who know binary code and those who don't.
Established Member
Heard them before, and hearing them again saps my will to live.
(And yes, it's entirely my own fault for clicking on the thread.)
Order of Kilopi
I don't know any nerd jokes.Maybe I'll try to make one up.
::thinking::...
Don't let your reality checks bounce. ~MeI'll tell you in the next life, when we are both cats.
Order of Kilopi
Why do nerds always get Halloween and Christmas confused?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
Established Member
Okay, so there's a singularity, see? And he walks up to a supernov...well he doesn't walk up, the Universe is expanding so he kind of moves... Well, actually the singularity isn't moving. He's in one place but the supernova is exploding, well,... they...I mixed it up. There was a physicist and a photon. None of them were walking...
Oh Drat
Order of Kilopi
*sighs*
Do I really have to drag out the one about the engineer, the physicist, and the mathematician again?
Or the other one about the engineer, the phycisist and the mathematician... or...
Established Member
Let's clarify, there are nerd jokes and there are nerdy jokes. Nerd jokes are jokes about nerds, like ethnic jokes. Nerd jokes are probably a subset of nerdy jokes. So far only Strange's is a nerd joke; the others are nerdy.
Honored Member
Does it have to be about science?
A musician arrived at the pearly gates.
"What did you do when you were alive?" asked St. Peter.
"I was the principal trombone player of the London Symphony Orchestra"
"Excellent! We have a vacancy in our celestial symphony orchestra for a trombonist. Why don't you turn up at the next rehearsal."
So, when the time for the next rehearsal arrived our friend turned up with his heavenly trombone. As he took his seat God moved, in a mysterious way, to the podium and tapped his batton to bring the players to attention. Our friend turned to the angelic second trombonist and whispered, "So, what's God like as a conductor?"
"Oh, he's O.K. most of the time, but occasionally he thinks he's von Karajan."
Moderator
**groan** that joke was borrowed from golf, but left the humor behind
Established Member
Two Hydrogen atoms were walking down the street.
One atom trips and falls and says, "Ohh Noo... I think I lost an electron!"
The other atom replies, "are you sure?"
The first atoms exclaims, "I'm Positive!"
Heard this from my A&P teacher. I was the only one who got it.
Order of Kilopi
I'm tellin' ya, that elevator was so crowded, my neutrons were touchin' each other!
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Order of Kilopi
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a table...
Established Member
How about this classic calculator joke from 5th grade
5318008
Newbie
Newbie
Argon walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here!"
Argon doesn't react.
If a Pizza has a radius Z and a depth A, it's volume can be defined as Pi*Z*Z*A.
You mom is so ugly, not even Fluorine will bond with her!
Politicians think the glass would be more half empty if the opposition was in charge.
Engineers think the glass is twice as large as it needs to be.
Physicists know we don't know how much water is in the glass, because just by measuring it, you've changed the outcome.
There are two types of people in the universe, those that can extrapolate from incomplete data and....
Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving and get pulled over.
The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg says. "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was."
The cop thinks this answer is warrant for a search, and finds a dead cat in the trunk.
He asks, "Do you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?"
Schroedinger says, "Pft, well I do now."
Order of Kilopi
Your mom is so fat, it's not "heavy lifter", it's "heavy lift-her".
Established Member
A nerd at the supermarket --
"Where do they keep the toast around here?"
Order of Kilopi
Your Momma's So Fat her belt size is "accretion disk".
YMSF she doesn't have fallen arches, she has fallen electron shells.
YMSF her dress size is "event horizon".
YMSF she calls the Virgo Supercluster "my little charm bracelet".
YMSF things look closer to her due to gravitational lensing.
YMSF scientists asked her to laugh so they could discover gravity waves.
YMSF her nickname is The Great Attractor.
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Newbie
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first goes up to the bartender and says, "I'll have a pint of lager, please." Each next one says, "and I'll have half of what he's having." The bartender says, "You're all idiots," and pulls two pints.
Order of Kilopi
Surely that would only be 1.99999.... pints?
Order of Kilopi
The last .0000...0000001 is poured out to honor our fallen homies.Originally Posted by Strange
Surely that would only be 1.99999.... pints?
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Newbie
The sum from 0 to infinity of 2^-n converges to 2.
Administrator
The fire marshal comes in and issues a citation for exceeding the occupancy permit by an infinite amount, then closes down the bar.
Order of Kilopi
When somebody talks about making space travel "quick and cheap", it is not a good idea to respond "Like your mom?"
Order of Kilopi
Quick and cheap space travel? That's OTRAGious.
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Established Member
Yes, but beer is not divisible beyond a certain point. Once you're down to a glass with just eight molecules of water, one of ethanol and one miscellaneous ester or acid, somebody's going to get only water on the next halving and start a fight or something.
Member
Two scientists walk into a bar... the first one says, "I'll have some H2O." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he dies.
Order of Kilopi
Your momma's so old she calls the Big Bang "my little hiccup".
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
Member
Here's a picture I found on the internet, I sent it to my Chemistry teacher when we were learning about the Periodic Table of Elements....
xD
Order of Kilopi
No no no, oxygen never leaves TV, or at least the WE channel.
Order of Kilopi
Q: How many hydrogen atoms does it take to make peroxide?
A: Oh, two.
STARGAZING: All I see are the lights of a billion places I'll never go. --Howard Tayler, Schlock Mercenary
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