Effortless Revenge...

[closetgeek]

I broke my leg yesterday. It's not really that big of a deal, I have a spare. I actually should be wearing this one anyway since I went through the process of buying a new one and all. The one I am currently using is actually fitted correctly to my height but you find when you have the same leg for 16 years you grow quite attached to it. Anyway, I put it in my closet, because nothing annoys me more than limbs all over the place, but every time I leave the house, I seem to forget to take it with me so I can ship it up to my specialist. So this morning, I left it leaning on the wall by my door as a reminder. My two youngest can't resist playing with it. Everything from sticking it on the top of their heads and calling themselves a genetic experiment gone wrong to attempting to balance on it. Each time I ask them to please put it back. Someone forgot.
About two minutes ago my daughter came running into my room and tripped over it. I laughed and told her it serves her right, now please put it against the wall. My son comes in, grabs it, bends his knee and attempts to walk on it, fails, and he leaves it back in the middle of the floor. Not two seconds later, remembers he came in to tell me something, turns back towards me, and trips over it. :doh:

[Moose]

I've been cracking up reading that, CG.

[Nowhere Man]

So, when are you going to audition (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_Leg_Too_Few) for the role of Tarzan (http://mm.iit.uni-miskolc.hu/Lart/monty/oneleg.html)?

Fred

[ABR.]

The Long Leg of closetgeek...wasn't that a Larry Niven book? I'll have to check my copy to be sure.

Great story, thanks for sharing!

[closetgeek]

Hey Fred, I just checked out that skit on you tube and I don't know what was funnier, the lines or watching Dudley Moore trying not to crack up. Very funny!
I am sorry if there is anyone that fails to see the humor in the OP but that was one of those funny moments that I just had to share somewhere.


The Long Leg of closetgeek...wasn't that a Larry Niven book? I'll have to check my copy to be sure

ABR. are you sure you aren't thinking of Ballad of the Long Legged Bait : )

[Moose]

Closetgeek, there are some clips of Adam Hills on youtube that you might find funny as well. (He's missing his right foot, and often uses that fact in his routines.) In particular, watch for one of his appearances on Mock the Week called "Velcro and Tina the Tortoise".

[closetgeek]

First of all, Moose, I remember clicking on a link from someone's profile page to that program and I don't think I ever laughed so hard. For the longest time I have been trying to remember who had the link and what the name of the show was; Mock The Week. Thanks so much for helping me find it again. Secondly, that is too funny, I used the velcro thing to wear flip flops as well. Lastly, were you aware my name is Tina? Creepy! But thanks, that show is great!

[BigDon]

The Long Leg of closetgeek...wasn't that a Larry Niven book? I'll have to check my copy to be sure.

Great story, thanks for sharing!

Good thing she didn't read that story Abe.

Otherwise she'd kick you.

[ABR.]

Oh, there are probably lots of things I've done for which I should receive good swift kicks, but that's beside the point.

For the record, I was drawing a parallel between the leg in question being able to deliver "revenge" from a distance and Gil Hamilton's "ghost arm" and nothing more. Also, as a parent, I was very appreciative of closetgeek's golden opportunity to play some (good-natured, of course) mind games with the kids after their comeuppance.

Plus, closetgeek reminded me of a Dylan Thomas poem I haven't read in forever. Thanks!

[closetgeek]

yeah they got a kick out of it too...er...no pun intended.

[Nowhere Man]

Yeah, watching Dudley bouncing around on one leg is hilarious. Peter Cook loved to try to make Dud "corpse," or laugh out of character. The same thing Tim Conway did to Harvey Korman on the Carol Burnett show.

Fred

[mfumbesi]

I broke my leg yesterday. It's not really that big of a deal, I have a spare.
These two sentences belong in a sci-fi movie.

[Moose]

Lastly, were you aware my name is Tina? Creepy! But thanks, that show is great!

Heh, now that's a neat coincidence. But yeah, I love the show. It's hard to get over here.

[Swift]

I broke my leg yesterday. It's not really that big of a deal, I have a spare.

Those two sentences really stopped me in my tracks. I started off with "sorry" and ended with "ahh...". Didn't know you were "enhanced" closetgeek. Great story.

[Fazor]

Yeah, I forgot aswell. I thought "Man, I can't believe you broke your leg and didn't say anything about it!" :)

I'd have to have a wooden leg, that way when I'm out to eat at a nice resturant I can call the waiter over and do something like this:

"Waiter! This knife is so dull! How do you expect me to cut my steak with it?! I mean, just look how flimsy it is!"
Then procede to jam it into my fake leg, then scream hysterically "Oh my leg! It's in the bone! It's in the booone! (a-la Jim Carey in Ace Ventura II)" etc etc.

I just wouldn't be able to resist. :)

[Jay200MPH]

I may have started playing "Yakety Sax" in my head when I read that second paragraph.

I'm sorry.

- J

[Donnie B.]

I was drawing a parallel between the leg in question being able to deliver "revenge" from a distance and Gil Hamilton's "ghost arm" and nothing more.
Ah, but that was the whole point of Niven's Gil Hamilton stories. He wasn't able to deliver revenge from a distance. His psi arm was exactly as big as the flesh-and-blood one it replaced. (Hence BigDon's idea of kicking.)

[closetgeek]

I may have started playing "Yakety Sax" in my head when I read that second paragraph.

I'm sorry.

- J

Heh, right after I got out of the hospital, my friend made a tape for me. The playlist went as follows:

Get a Leg Up - John Melloncamp
I'm Still Standing - Elton John
When I'm Back On My Feet Again - Michael Bolton
Legs - ZZ Top
and last, most certainly the best
Direct Your Feet To the Sunny Side of the Street :doh:



Then procede to jam it into my fake leg, then scream hysterically
Fazor, I did that at my job when I worked at the sandwich shop (ketchup and all).


Those two sentences really stopped me in my tracks. I started off with "sorry" and ended with "ahh...". Didn't know you were "enhanced" closetgeek. Great story.

Swift, thanks, that was my intended purpose :lol:
We call it bionic

[ABR.]

Ah, but that was the whole point of Niven's Gil Hamilton stories. He wasn't able to deliver revenge from a distance. His psi arm was exactly as big as the flesh-and-blood one it replaced. (Hence BigDon's idea of kicking.)

True. In fact, I can only recall him using the ghost arm to hold a cigarette (it's been a long time since I read the book). However, once you demonstrate any ability along these lines, it doesn't follow that you have to tell the kids <cough-cough, ahem> I mean tell anyone there are limits...

[BigDon]

True. In fact, I can only recall him using the ghost arm to hold a cigarette (it's been a long time since I read the book). However, once you demonstrate any ability along these lines, it doesn't follow that you have to tell the kids <cough-cough, ahem> I mean tell anyone there are limits...

But don't you guys remember that even though Gil's telekenetic arm was only the strength and range of a real arm, he shocked his boss when he was talking to him via the "picture phone" and he could move objects on his boss's desk. As long as they were close enough to the monitor.

So technically the limitations were psycho-somatic.

[HenrikOlsen]

Not his boss, a former kidnap victim whom he was checking on.

[BigDon]

Not his boss, a former kidnap victim whom he was checking on.

Sorry Henrik, I last read it when it first came out back in 1976.

[Swift]

Swift, thanks, that was my intended purpose :lol:
We call it bionic
I hope you can run in slow motion too. ;)

[Donnie B.]

And make an echoey electronic sound as you do so...

[Fazor]

I bet ClosetGeek knows how the real theme goes too:

"Gentlemen, we can rebuild her. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic woman. And we have the collections agencies in place to bill that woman for insane medical expenses that no one could possibly pay. ClosetGeek will be that woman; better, stronger, faster, and poorer. Bwan-nana-da-daaaaaa! Da-na-nana-na naaa! etc. etc."

[mugaliens]

Those two sentences really stopped me in my tracks. I started off with "sorry" and ended with "ahh...". Didn't know you were "enhanced" closetgeek. Great story.

I'd call her enlightened!

The picture you painted of your kids... :lol: Reminds me of my...

...kid. :)

[closetgeek]

Okay, now I have to check out this book. It sounds incredibly...weird.

Fazor, my orthepedic surgeon gave me that speech as I was going under, for that surgery.

Swift, running is the one thing I can't do, thanks for bringing up that painful memory. I am kidding, I actually have a running foot. You will get a bit of an echoey sound and I bet I look like I am running in slow motion but that's just because even before the accident, when I was on the track team, I got the award for "biggest heart" because I was the slowest on the team...yeah it was the pity award.