Infrequently Asked Questions(IAQ)

[Frog march]

BAUTs official Infrequently Asked Questions(IAQ) thread.








Q:Are there any Chinese takeaways on Io?
A:It is not know, at present, although it is thought that there is a McDonalds.

[Tucson_Tim]

Q: When is someone going to start an 'Infrequently Asked Questions' thread?
A: When we find someone with too much time on their hands. :)

[Tucson_Tim]

Q: Who will be the first person to respond to the 'Infrequently Asked Questions' thread?
A: One who also has too much time on his hands.

[Swift]

Q: Is there a difference between Infrequently Asked Questions (IAQs) and Never Asked Questions (NAQs)?

A: This thread should answer that question.

[KaiYeves]

Q: Is the NOT life on Mars?
A: We don't know yet, but it's possible.

[The_Radiation_Specialist]

Q: Does NOT life stand for Never Officially Taxonomied?
A: "Taxonomied" isn't a word, but it comes close, but it isn't a word.

[Noclevername]

Q: How frequently are Infrequently asked questions asked?
A: Once per query.

[mfumbesi]

Q: How much does the BA weight.
A: Probably 80kg.

[mfumbesi]

Q: Do we have really famous people on BAUT.
A: If you exclude the BA, probably no.

[mfumbesi]

Apparently if all the people in China jumped at the same time the will not vibrate/lose orbit/earth quake.
Q: Has anyone ever tried to persuade the Chinese to jump at the same time.
A: No......This would be a cool experiment.

[KaiYeves]

Q: Has anybody ever tried anything LIKE that experiment?
A: Well, I remember an article from '03 or thereabouts about one minute when schoolkids all over the UK jumped up and down to see if it would have an effect of seismographs. It didn't.

[ozzmosis]

Q: is this the last question

A: yes it is for now

[Sarawak]

Q. How many times does an infrequently asked question have to be asked before it becomes a frequently asked question.

A. I don't know. Ask again tomorrow.

[KaiYeves]

Q: Does Spider-Man use Mac or Windows?
A: I don't know, he always swings by too fast for me to see.

[Sarawak]

Q. If people stop asking a frequently asked question, does it become an infrequently asked question?

A. No, it becomes a never asked question and goes in the NAQ.

[speedfreek]

Q: Are there more infrequently asked questions than infrequently questioned answers?

A: Yes, by a large factor.

[Eric Vaxxine]

Q: Are female Arabian Suicide bombers expecting equal sexual satisfaction
in the afterlife as their male counterparts?
A: 40 virgins is the reported norm, so, yes.

[Sarawak]

Q. Why don't people ask IFAQs more often?

A. See the tautology thread.

[Noclevername]

Q. If people stop asking a frequently asked question, does it become an infrequently asked question?

A. No, it becomes a never asked question and goes in the NAQ.

Q: But can you call it "never asked" whan it has, if fact, been asked before?

A: I don't think so, but I could be wrong.

[KaiYeves]

Q: Where is Gotham City?
A: In the DC Universe, duh!

[Eric Vaxxine]

Q: Is the phrase 'Almost Exactly' worthless?

A: Nearly Always!

[Sarawak]

Q: What would happen if we didn't have convenient answers ready for IFAQs?

A: The same thing that would happen if we did.

[dhd40]

Q: Is there a difference between Infrequently Asked Questions (IAQs) and Never Asked Questions (NAQs)?

A: This thread should answer that question.

Q: What´s a Never Asked Question (NAQ)?
A:

[peteshimmon]

Q. Wheres my supper?

A. In the planning stage.

[Swift]

Q. Is it significant that this thread was idle for a year and a half.

A. Yes

[uncommonsense]

Q. Have the conditions leading to the significance of this thread being idle for a year changed?

A: majik 8 ball says: We Shall See

[cosmocrazy]

Q. Is there really any need for a thread like this on a science based forum?

A: statistically speaking it seems yes indeed it is.

[Sarawak]

Q: What´s a Never Asked Question (NAQ)?
A:

Q: What's a Never Answered Question?

A: See above.

[swampyankee]

Q: If a question is never asked, can it be answered?
A:

[Hlafordlaes]

Q: Your Honor, is that a kangaroo under your chair, or are you just jumping to conclusions?
A: Bailiff, hop outback and bring me the taser.

[peteshimmon]

Q. Who is the most incisive, intelligent,
unflappable and normal poster on BAUT?

A. You are!

[dwnielsen]

Q: How do I make the considering-whether-the-subjunctive-mood-was-intended-sarcastically face?

A: Hold CTRL, ALT, and think, if I were to make that face.

[Sarawak]

Q: Why am I here?

[Jens]

Q: Why is this called a science board?
A: Because there is only one BA, but a lot of **.

Q: Will this thread ever be compiled into a real IAQ?
A: Yes and no.

[Spoons]

Q: What's the deal with chickens?
A: They're meat with wings.

[Jens]

Keeping up with the idea:

Q: Could a chicken with no wings fly in the vacuum of outer space?
A: It could certainly try.

[uncommonsense]

Q: Do the restrooms at the U.S. / Mexico Gila Bend AZ border crossing have restrooms suitable for humans?

A: No.

[Swift]

Q: I've heard a lot of interesting things about this thing called the "internet" (or something like that). Do you know where I could get some of that?

A: No, sorry. If we had it around here, I'm sure I would have heard something.

[Swift]

Q: Is there a rating system for how bad the astronomy is?

A: Yes.

Not so bad
Pretty bad
Bad
Really bad
Really really bad
OMG


Q: Is there a rating system for how today the universe is?

A: Yes, but it requires a PhD and at least two post-doctoral studies in Cosmology and General Relativity to understand it.

[uncommonsense]

Q: Are oranges cheaper when purchased in locations they are grown?

A: No

Q: Are drugs cheaper in Mexico?

A No

Q: Is there a name for this discord?

A: US Dollar

[Salty]

Q Has anybody seen my turtleneck sweater?

A. No. First, you need to buy one.

[mike alexander]

Q: Can a Volkswagen Beetle go 200 MPH?

A: Yes, with gravity assist and a high enough cliff.

[Spoons]

Q: Well Spoons, I've heard you are a master of many party tricks... how many M&Ms can you fit in one ear?

A: 11. Wait... attached ear?

[Noclevername]

Q: What´s a Never Asked Question (NAQ)?
A:

Q: Isn't that a never answered question?
A: I'm sorry, what was the question again?

[swampyankee]

Q: What's French for raison d'être?

A::eh:

[dwnielsen]

Q: What is an infrequently asked question?
A: Probably an important one.

[Buttercup]

Q: Why buy Campfire marshmallows instead of Kraft marshmallows?
A: Because you like a superior product.

[Spoons]

Q: How many marshmallows does it take to build a really soft and squishy automobile?

A: Just one, but it's got to be really big.

[Swift]

Q: Is that your foot?

A: Who's asking?

[Buttercup]

Q: Why did the octopus cross the road?

A: To get to the other side and hopefully into the water.

[Buttercup]

Q: Why are my index fingers longer than my ring fingers?

A: Because I'm female.

[dwnielsen]

Q: How do I remove black fly eggs from my person?

A: Use a straw.

[Spoons]

Q: Mommy, Mommy, what's a Werewolf?

A: Shut up George and comb your face!

[99gecko]

Q: I can't seem to access the BAUT forum. What should I do?
A: Buy a computer, sign up with an ISP, activate your account, install an appropriate web browser, and finally type this link in the address bar: http://www.

[99gecko]

Q: What is the frequency of questions in the NAQ?
A: Ask Kenneth.

[PetersCreek]

Q: Why is the dog in PetersCreek avatar wearing a fur hat?
A: It was cold that day.

[Salty]

Q. Did the world end today?

A. which world?

[hahn1]

Q: Why can't we be friends?

A: Relative to you, that is more properly defined as a frequently asked question and has been moved to the appropriate thread.

[hahn1]

Q: Why is Peter Gallagher the greatest actor of all time?

A: .... I hate you.

[Noclevername]

Q: Who lets the dogs out?

A: The dog-catcher who was worried about job security.

[Spoons]

Q: Is that rain belting down on the rooftop or are you just happy to see me?

A: That's a stupid question. You're stupid. Go bake a cake.

[Noclevername]

Q: Why does it take so many BAUTers to change a lightbulb?

A: Because the "change a lightbulb" thread keeps getting bumped by newbies.

[Salty]

Q. Has anybody found the $100 bill I dropped in here, yesterday?

A. silence

[Spoons]

Q: Who wants to come to the Ice Creamery to share in $100 worth of cookies'n'cream?

A: I hear Salty likes cookies'n'cream.

[swampyankee]

Q: Why don't they breed white spinach so it won't be so obvious stuck to your teeth?

A: Toothbrushes?

[Sarawak]

Q. What is the least frequently asked question?

A. This one.

[swampyankee]

Q: Why is there a caps lock key?

A: So it's easier to SHOUT!

[Spoons]

Q: Why do you persist on brandishing that spatula in combat?

A: It's all I've got.

[Jens]

Q: What is the frequency of questions in the NAQ?
A: Ask Kenneth.

As an alternative answer, what about:
A: -47 megahertz

[Spoons]

Q: What is the square root of all evil?

A: +/- Trump

[Sarawak]

Q. What is Trump2?

A. I don't know - ask Spoons.

[99gecko]

Q. If Spoons has the answer to all questions in the universe, why is there even a need for the IAQ?
A. I don't know - I'm not Spoons.

[Jens]

Q: If Spoons ate a lot of carbohydrates, could he become a skilled pharmacist?
A: Ha, ha, ha. Stupid joke incoming.

[Spoons]

Q: Is this my cue?

A: No, get back in your corner.

[Swift]

Q: Does your dog bite?

A: It is not my dog.

[Buttercup]

Q: Why do turtles have 2 eyes?
A: Well...doesn't everything?

[Noclevername]

Q: Aren't there numerous lifeforms with more or less then two eyes?

A: Yes-- Zero, one, six, eight (and if you count compound eyes or ocelli, thousands)

[99gecko]

Q: What is the Weaning of Fife?
A: The Fjord Erea of Firth of Forth.

[Swift]

Q: When will the IAQ thread be complete?

A: Soon.... very soon.

[Noclevername]

Q: How soon is soon?

A: Not long from now.

[Spoons]

Q: How long is a piece of IAQ string/thread?

A: In metres, 42. (I would have also accepted the answer, 'Sewer ferrets')

[Swift]

Q: Why do sheep live in trees?

Multiple choice answers:
A) Because fish live in milk.
B) Because I love you.
C) 42
D) Beer
F) The Princeton Band

[99gecko]

Q: If Swift has 6 beers and Spoons has 12 beers, but Swift being a moderate moderator drinks at 3/4 the pace of Spoons, how many beers does Swift have to steal from Spoons so they both finish drinking at the same time?

A: Please re-state the question using the following preapproved introductory interjection; "Hi, my name is 99gecko and I have a drinking problem: If Swift ...."

[Swift]

Q: Could Swift drink 6 beers and still have the manual dexterity to actually steal additional beers from someone else.

A: Uh.. what, wait a second, let me just..... <bang> oh, just fell down....

[hahn1]

Q: Does reading 2 year old threads from start to finish, that have had posts recently added to it count as time travel?

A: Remember when in the D.C. Comics universe, orbiting around earth quickly in a clockwise (from the North Pole perspective) fashion caused time travel? That movie was awful. Lets all take a moment and ponder about just how awful that movie really was. I mean ... he caught people using a Teflon-like "S" that magically emanated from his costume. He trapped them in a 2-D ... thing ... and sent them into the outer space. Terrible. ... Where was I? ... Oh yeah... No, reading old posts does not count as time travel.

[Noclevername]

Q: Does the movie universe count as the comics universe?

a: Only if you cut up the film and paste it into your comic book. Not recommended as it lowers the value of your comic and wastes precious, precious glue.

[Sarawak]

Q. Why is there an IFAQ?

A. Good question. Let's add that to the IFAQ.

[Spoons]

Q: Has anyone seem my missing beer?

A: Yeah, you might want to ask Swift about it. He went thatta way.

[Swift]

Q: Has anyone seem my missing beer?
A: Found it! (http://www.bautforum.com/showthread.php/97366-Backyard-Wildlife?p=1762709#post1762709)

[swampyankee]

Q: Why do aliens perform rectal exams?

A: Coprophilia.

[Spoons]

Q: What's the difference between a 'd' and a 'b'?

A: Perspective. But even looking backwards I'd still rather drink a beer.

[Sarawak]

Q: Why hasn't Paris Hilton won an Oscar?

A: Do you understand what Oscars are awarded for?

[Spoons]

Q: Do you remember the first half of that joke that ends with, "Not everyone's been inside the hotel"?

A: No, no I don't, thank you very much.

[Sarawak]

Q: What's the difference between a jazz musician and a pizza?

A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

[99gecko]

Q: A quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog?

A: Yes, on Wednesdays the zoo is full of queer,... bcghjkmpvx. (Answer edited for brevity)

[mr obvious]

Q: May I help you?
A: Yes, please do.

[mike alexander]

Q: Do you have any Gray Poupon?

A: No, I change my underwear regularly.

[Sarawak]

Q: What happened to the coelacanth thread?

A: Ask the coelacanths.

[Noclevername]

Q: If all the outfits in Einstein's closet were the same, what did he wear to funerals?

A: He applied black spraypaint to his sweater.

[Sarawak]

Q: If nobody ever asks a question, does the uncertainty actually exist?

A: What?

[swampyankee]

Q: If it's the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, why does everybody talk about Schroedinger's Cat?

A: Heisenberg liked cats.

[99gecko]

Q: I can't see over the event horizon. Just how far is it to the ATM?

A: A little closer... a little closer.... you're almost there.... any moment now.

[swampyankee]

Q: What is apothegm?

A: No spitting!

[Sarawak]

Q: Why are there needle-nosed pliers, when pliers don't have noses?

A: Why are there buffalo wings?

[99gecko]

Q: If two BAUT'ers are arguing in a thread, but nobody has bothered to actually read the thread, how does a non-member report the arguement to a moderator?

A: I'm sorry I don't understand the question. I need more information.

Are the members moving towards each other, or away from each other, and at what rate of speed?
Really, you need to specify whether your problem relates to General Forum Relativity or Special Forum Relativity.
Finally, you seem to have less than a basic understanding of forum moderation. How do you account for the fact that this arguement has taken place an infinite number of times in an infinite number of duplicate threads, but you have never encountered them before?

[Swift]

Q: Are many of the moderators paid govment disinformation agents, or members of the Illuminati?

A: How do you define "many"?

[Spoons]

Q: How do you define "Many"?

A: He's the baseballer that was suspended for 50 games. Nice guy!

[Sarawak]

Q: Why does the front page of the board say there are 64,492 members, but clicking on the "Member List" menu item shows only 4,430 members?

A: Different frames of reference.

[Jens]

Q: Why is it that using Google allows you to find threads that do not appear in the search box at the top right?
A: The extra results are quantum tunneling.

[Jens]

Q: Why can't I find any information about the smallest particles in the universe?
A: You can try using the search function, but we forewarned, it's quarky.

[Sarawak]

Q: Why didn't Quark (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quark_%28TV_series%29) has a longer run?

A: Conspiracy.

[peteshimmon]

Q: Has there ever been a winning idea
presented in the ATM forum?

A: The climate of Canada tends to be
colder than that of the United States.

[Spoons]

Q: Why is it the Bettys are so appealing?

A: They double your pleasure.

[Sarawak]

Q: What percentage of the forum readership has the foggiest notion who the Bettys are?

A: Take a poll.

[Spoons]

Q: Where did all the polls go?

A: I don't know, but I do notice all the cowboys are gone too. If you find out, tell K.D. Lang.

[99gecko]

Q: When should we expect the next manned mission to the moon; 10 years, 20 years, 50 years, or maybe never?

A: Next ???

[Noclevername]

Q: When should we expect the next manned mission to the moon; 10 years, 20 years, 50 years, or maybe never?

A: I don't know, I can't speak Chinese.

[swampyankee]

Q: What do they call a California roll in Japan?

A: Foreign.

[AndreasJ]

Why are there buffalo wings?
A: How else could the buffalo fly to South America over the winter?

[Spoons]

Q: How else could the buffalo fly to South America over the winter?

A: Do you always answer questions with questions? Why don't the buffalo buy plane tickets like everyone else? What are they afraid of? Hiding something from customs?

[Sarawak]

Q: Why don't the buffalo buy plane tickets like everyone else? What are they afraid of?

A: In the case of American buffalo, they're afraid of the TSA.

[AndreasJ]

Q: Do you always answer questions with questions? Why don't the buffalo buy plane tickets like everyone else? What are they afraid of? Hiding something from customs?

A: No. Homeland Security won't let them. Homeland Security. WMD (weapons of moose destruction)

[Sarawak]

Q: Are WMD (weapons of moose destruction) used by or against moose?

A: No witnesses to WMD have ever survived, so it is impossible to say.

[Noclevername]

Q: How infrequently asked are these questions?

A: Well, I just had to bump this thread to answer, so that gives you some idea.

[Sarawak]

Q: What would happen if nobody ever posted in this thread ever again?

A: Wait and find out.

[Spoons]

Q: Is there a cure for impatience?

A: Did you say impatience, in-patients or gimp-patience? The answers, respectively, are no, out-patients and pie.

[AndreasJ]

Q: What's the most frequently asked infrequently asked question?

A: What did I just put in my polka-dotted pants?

[Spoons]

Q: What a pants?

A: Shirts for your bottom half.

[swampyankee]

Q: Are Spock and Dr Spock cousins?

A: Yes, but not to each other.

[99gecko]

Q: If Spock's mother had of been Vulcan, would he have been able to be in love with her?
A: That is a Frequently Asked Question, and doesn't belong in this thread.

[Sarawak]

Q: Why do I post here?

A: Good questions.

[Salty]

Q. What's the difference between pieces of wood and Pieces of Eight?

A. You can't, lawfully, whittle Peices of Eight.

[Sarawak]

Q: Why are there so many game threads with no clear point?

A: The point is not clear to you.

[dwnielsen]

Q: How do I know if my pet goldfish appreciates me?

A: Get arrested and see if it bails you out.

[Jens]

Q: Who's Einstein?
A: He's the guy with his tongue sticking out. He did some other things too.

[Jens]

Q: Who's Ernst Mach?
A: Ironically, he's a guy who never got to fly past the speed of sound. He did some other things too.

[Spoons]

Q: Why is it called a garment?

A: It's made from gar fish.

[Sarawak]

Q: What happens if I stop posting here?

A: Who are you?

[Jens]

Q: I'm not very good at math. Can I still post here?

A: f(x) = x^2+5x+10

[Sarawak]

Q: How much older than Marie Antoinette was Mme. du Barry?

A: Twelve years.

[Noclevername]

Q: When do you need to see a witch doctor?

A: When your witch is sick, duh.

[Sarawak]

Q: Isn't Life Strange?

A: Yes.

[swampyankee]

Q: Why do there have to be clowns?

[Frog march]

A: so the clown car factory doesn't close down.

[swampyankee]

Q: And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.

A: Well, maybe next year.

[mike alexander]

Q: Why does the caged bird sing?

A: I know, but I'm not telling.

[Spoons]

Q: Which came first - the chicken or the andesite?

A: Mick Jagger.

[Sarawak]

Q: What do Mick Jagger and Ivan the Great have in common?

[Frog march]

A: they could both make a lovely cup of tea.

[Sarawak]

Q: Why didn't Frog march ask a question?

[Swift]

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A: A one molar solution.

[swampyankee]

Q: How to respond to the above?

A: Argh!

[Swift]

Q: Does Swift ever fail to make a pun in one of his posts?

A: Yes; in fact 27.3% of his posts do not contain a recognizable pun.


Q: Does Swift ever talk about himself in the third person.

A: No, never.

[Swift]

The Question: How many roads must a man walk down, before they call him a man?

The Answer: Blowing in the wind.

[Spoons]

Q: Spoons, why are you watching Colbert episodes when you should be working?

A: It's Saturday, get off my back.

[swampyankee]

Q: Why does Spoons keep asking himself questions?

A: Somebody has to keep the thread alive.

[Swift]

Q: Where do threads go after they die?

A: Sorry, discussions of religion are not allowed on BAUT.

[AndreasJ]

Q: How many ASL players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Depends on their morale level, the calibre of the bulb, the time of day, and the phase of the Moon.

[peteshimmon]

Q. Do BAUT members drool when a new poster
comes along claiming proof of non Moon landings
or why professional astronomers have missed
something?

A. Oh yes!

[Swift]

Q: Who is responsible for cleaning up the virtual drool?

A: We have a service that comes in.

[peteshimmon]

Q. Are there any geniuses amongst the
BAUT membership?

A. About three or four.

[swampyankee]

Q: Why is the plural of "genius," "geniuses," but the plural of "radius," "radii"?

A: Ain't English Fun?

[dwnielsen]

Q: Should I go eat lunch?

A: I guess if we all thought that way, there'd be no one left to hold the space-time continuum together.

[99gecko]

Q: How small is the universe?
A: Immeasurably. However, it is estimated that we should be able to finally see evidence of it, using a high-frequency graviton-scanning magnifying glass by next Tuesday. Please check back then for an updated answer.

[Spoons]

Q: If all the Universe can fit on a pinhead, where does the pin exist?

A: Fractals are neat.

[Jens]

Q: If a difficult question is asked in Q&A, should I try to answer or just ignore it?
A: Yes.

[Swift]

Q: Will these questions be on the next surprise quiz.

A: If I told you that, it wouldn't be a surprise.

[MAPNUT]

Q: Why is the plural of "genius," "geniuses," but the plural of "radius," "radii"?

A: Ain't English Fun?

The real answer to that is that if we used "genii" for the plural of "genius" you couldn't tell whether it was the plural of "genie", which is not the same thing as a genius, although it might be better. Or the real answer is that we seldom need to us a plural of "radius" since it only takes one to define a circle, so we can afford to be traditionally latin. Whereas there are lots of geniuses and we have to use the plural of that all the time. Wait a minute, are there?

[Spoons]

Q:
Wait a minute, are there?

A: According to the latest census, there are. And if they weren't they'd surely know, right?

[99gecko]

Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A: We were hoping this question would (wood?) never come up. The explanantion below becomes self-apparent by the end.

Letting the annual timber growth rate, Gra = Ds(t * S9(Ψ/365)) + Cn (t * S4(Ψ/365)), where:

Ds = Deciduous trees/territorial unit² ,
Cn = Coniferous trees/territorial unit²,
S9 = solar radiation for days with daily average temperature ≥ 9oC, (MWh/m²)
S4 = solar radiation for days with daily average temperature ≥ 4oC, (MWh/m²)

and letting ξ = daily net tooth decay and ∀ = daily net muscle fatigue,
we can set net wood density, dnw = (ΔGra(Ds +Cn)*Ψ/365 - (Δξ (Ds + Cn) + Δ∀ (Ds + Cn))*Ψ/365).

Considering that the average woodchuck, Ckave is quite lazy, and that as wood chucking motivation (m) → Ø,

the Gross Chucking Volume (ĉ) ≈ Ckave/(territorial unit²) * t Gr→ 0m∫(dnw)³.

Therefore solving for Ψ, we are left with W = ⅓ (dnw * ĉ)(vCn2 - vDs2).

Alternatively, you could ask Sally. She's selling seashells down by the seashore.

[Spoons]

Q: Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

A: Mary can't see you right now. She's been thrown in the hole for starting fights in the exercise yard. Visiting days are on the first Sunday of every month. We caught onto her because of her exorbitant power bills, and tip-offs from the neighbours.

[peteshimmon]

Q. Can I name Lunar craters on my map
after film stars?

A. Yes but it confuses cobblers.

[Sarawak]

Q. Is it a banning offense to tell someone you didn't read one of his/her posts?

A. It should be.

[Noclevername]

The real answer to that is that if we used "genii" for the plural of "genius" you couldn't tell whether it was the plural of "genie", which is not the same thing as a genius, although it might be better. Or the real answer is that we seldom need to us a plural of "radius" since it only takes one to define a circle, so we can afford to be traditionally latin. Whereas there are lots of geniuses and we have to use the plural of that all the time. Wait a minute, are there?

Q: How many Genies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I wish I knew.

[peteshimmon]

Q. Are there any pedantics on this forum?

A. ..... (fill in yourself):)

[dwnielsen]

Q: Can anything conceivably travel faster than c?

A: George Foreman's apron, Jimmy Hoffa's necktie, the feeling you get you wearing one dirty sock and one clean one of a different size.. pick any two.

[mike alexander]

Q: Can I use Dr. Hunter Thompson as a reliable source?


A: Alas, no. He's dead.

[99gecko]

Q: I'm wondering how could Santa Claus possibly visit every house in the world in one night. He would have to travel extremely fast. I've calculated that they would have to fly very close to the speed of light in air. Are there actually flying reindeer that can travel that fast?

A: Yes, but they can travel even faster in vacuum. If you're planning to ask the old fella for a new vacuum (to say, pick up used virtual staples (http://www.bautforum.com/showthread.php/99663-Take-an-Untrue-Fact!-(!!!)?p=1799306#post1799306)), you might want to hold off until your birthday. It's just too dangerous.

[mike alexander]

Q: Did you really walk six miles to school on your hands because you couldn't afford shoes?

A: You bet, kiddo. And it was uphill both ways. And I not only had to sell a kidney and a lung to go to college, I had to sell my heart to attend law school.

[Spoons]

Q: What does the Law School do with their sets of hearts?

A: Flush them.

[peteshimmon]

Q. Have BAUT members really had a
hard upbringing?

A. Only the older members!

[Spoons]

Q: How does peteshimmon always find his way to the top of each page?

A: He's part man, part beast, part web bot. He can also whistle through a straw.

[Jens]

Q: Are BAUT members nerds?
A: Absolutely not. They are giques.

[Jens]

Q: Why does the ATM forum get slower in early October?
A: Everybody is waiting for a phone call from the Nobel Prize committee.

[Spoons]

Q: What's all this about the establishment burning Galileo's steak?

A: It's ok, we've apoligised, we're paying more attention and there'll be a second coming.

[mike alexander]

Q: Has anyone ever really stopped on a mime?

A: Why would you stop? Continue forward until you are off the mime, then back up again to be completely sure.

[Spoons]

(Be careful not to get the ladder caught in your wheel arch.)

[mike alexander]

Q: I can't figure out how to change the color of my font.

A: That's a shame.

[AndreasJ]

Q: How many ATM proponents does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 57. One to disprove Maxwell, one to plug in the perpetual motion machine, and the rest to complain about it still being dark.

[Sarawak]

Q: How many people have changed their minds as a result of the six-year long discussion in the thread about 0.999~?

A: Much to my surprise, at least one.

[Jens]

Q: Why is this place called BAUT anyway?
A: Because people are usually fighting somewhere.

[Spoons]

Q: If Classical music is so accepted then why do people look at me funny when I listen to it at work?

A: It's the cape and aviation goggles buddy. That cling-wrap over the keyboard is just weird too. And put some dang pants on.

[Jens]

10 are there any endless threads on baut?
20 goto 10

[Spoons]

Q: Why do they call binary the language of love?

A: Nobody calls it that, you're a buffoon.

[mike alexander]

Q: How are moderators chosen?


A: Generally for their ability to capture neutrons. Swift has the highest neutron capture cross section of all the moderators.

[peteshimmon]

Q. Is BAUT an embarrassment to astronomy?

A. Only a few posters.

[DukePaul]

Q. If the end of the world doesn't happen, what should we do?

A. Donating money seems to help many and if I may suggest a few: Free Nukes Now! and the popular
Fund for Orphan Russian Weapon Project Managers.

[AndreasJ]

Q: Do NASA stooges get free maternity leave?

A: Only female ones. Males get extra helpings of chianti in compensation.

[DukePaul]

Q. Do members of BAUT have secret knowledge of the universe or at least a secret handshake?

A: It is a secret but since you asked: yes.

[Solfe]

Q: Do clowns eat people?
A: Yes, yes they do.

[Spoons]

Q: If double negatives work, then do two yes's make a no?

A: Yes yes!

[Sarawak]

Q. If the end of the world doesn't happen, what should we do?

Q. If the end of the world does happen, what should we do?

A. Wait till it happens, then decide.

[DukePaul]

Q. If you built a baseball field on the Moon, would they come to play?

A: With the extreme environmental conditions of vacuum, heat, cold and radiation effecting the
longevity of beer, probably not.

[swampyankee]

Q: Since it's soccer and football in the US, what do they call football in the rest of the world?

A: Boring?

[Noclevername]

Q: How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: "They" don't want you to know the answer!

A2: None, they're all out buying tinfoil.

A3: The reptilian shapeshifters who replaced them do it for them.

A4: There is no lightbulb. What you saw was a weather balloon.

A5: To determine how many you have to decode the Bible, the Mayan Calendar and the prophecies of Nostradomus.

A6: 23-- that number's everywhere!

[Spoons]

Q: I keep hearing the mention of swamp gas. What's that all about?

A: It's Tek Jansen's codename.

[Buttercup]

Q: If hot dogs are so great, why do more people like hamburgers?

A: Because they're opposed to cruelty to dogs!

[Boratssister]

Q: watts energy?

A: energys watts

[mike alexander]

Q: How far can you jump on the Moon?

A: Pretty far, but I have strong legs.

[Spoons]

Q: Hot dogs or hamburgers?

A: Gerhard Berger.

[DukePaul]

Q: Batman: hotdogs or hamburgers?

A: Batburger sounds cooler than bathotdog. hamburgers.

[Frog march]

Q: How does Father Christmas get down small chimneys or into houses without chimneys?

A: Quantum tunneling.

[DukePaul]

Q: How does Father Christmas get down chimneys in the US?

A: Housing codes required: "all chimneys in the US must have at least two exits and one ramp for the disabled."

[AndreasJ]

Q: What do Batman and Santa Claus have in common?

A: Impeccable fashion sense and a disregard for physics.

[dwnielsen]

Q: What do the Penguin and Santa Claus have in common?

A: They both liked Dances With Wolves and make a good cheesecake.

[swampyankee]

Q: Why do blind people wear sunglasses?

A: Mu

[DukePaul]

Q: Which is better? Being the most interesting man in the world or the smartest man in the world?

A: 99% of women say they would rather not be either and 99% of men say whatever works on the 99% of women works for them.

[99gecko]

Q. Is it true that NASA has recruited members of BAUT to perform critical experiments in space?

A. No. All of the "how-long-can-a-person-survive-this" type of experimentation is done in New Jersey. You can find the thread to apply be an unwitting test subject in the Forum Introductions and Feedback forum. Don't forget to send a post-card.

[Spoons]

Q: Is the above Q&A session completely false.

A: That depends, define false.

[Frog march]

Q: Does BAUT have any hidden eastereggs?

A: Do you consider a door appearing in your room and one of the mods taking you to the dimension of the Illuminati an easteregg?

[99gecko]

Q. I've heard that the Sun will eventually become a red giant, and Earth will be consumed in the expansion. What should we do to prepare?

A. Stock your fall-out shelter with sunscreen.

[Swift]

Q: Is that IAQ thread still going?

A: No, that thread died years ago; no one posts in it any longer.

[AndreasJ]

Q: Can a thread, lacking life, really "die"?

A: That's a religious question inappropriate to BAUT.

[Noclevername]

Q: Is the definition of life a religious question or a scientific question?

A: According to my home-grown A.I., it's a legal question. It also adds, "See you in court."

[Boratssister]

Q- what was the first the first thing that came into your head after reading the answer?

A-nothing

[AndreasJ]

Q: If nothing is nothing, does that mean every thing is every thing?

A: Only on Tuesdays.

[AstroRockHunter]

Q: If nothing is nothing, and every thing is every thing only on Tuesdays, what are Monday's for?

A: Hangovers.

[Gemini]

Q. How fast does fruit fly, if it flies like a banana?

A. Yes.

[DukePaul]

Q. Why are Spanish bulls always running?

A: It is from eating all that rodeo food.