Want ads

[94z07]

The challenge: Inspired by the famous “Wanted: Schrodinger’s cat. Dead or Alive.“ you are to write a humorous want ad or lost and found notice for publication in an otherwise serious scientific publication.

I’ll start the ball rolling with this one:

Wanted spherical mass of uniform density. Must be well maintained and unaffected by aerodynamic forces.

[Eric Vaxxine]

Wanted.

Wealthy musician sought to help generate a bridge for my new composition.
Call Mr I Brunel ASAP.

[Mellow]

Wanted:

Local barber, must have sharp scissors, unbreakable comb and large blackboard
A.Einstein

[Eric Vaxxine]

Have you ever free-fallen?
Young, active free-faller needed for experiments involving great heights. Roast beef luches provided free, but bring own gravity...er...gravy.

Write to Isaac at: Falling Farm, Newton Village, Pullingham, UK.

[hhEb09'1]

Wanted: roomers. Must be willing to relocate.
G. Cantor

[Selenite]

LAB ASSISTANT--wanted to take X-rays while professor crouches behind a lead curtain in the next room. Excellent medical benefits. All radiology fees waived.

Wilhelm C. Roentgen
Professor of Physics
University of Wurzburg, Bavaria

[Eric Vaxxine]

Do you flare up at the smallest thing, get heated in conversation, blow your top regularly?

Explosive personalities needed by eminent researcher.

Call Mr Nobel NOW!

[Selenite]

BODY GUARD--wanted for media interviews with ex-Apollo astronauts. Must be experienced and available for court appearances

Bart Sibrel
FlimFlam Films
Loser Court West

[Eric Vaxxine]

Milk Maid required by Parisien laboratory.
L. Pasteur

[Hydro]

WANTED

New technology to assist in capturing speedy varmit
Will pay top ACME dollars

Thank You,
Wile E. Coyote

[Mellow]

Wanted: Local jeweler to clean portable timepiece.... Dirt? Not on my watch!

G Krantz
Huston
Texas

[Roy Batty]

Wanted: Animal handler to cope with unpredictable cat.

E. Schrödinger

[Roy Batty]

Wanted: Lab assistant.

Starting position & time as yet to be determined.

W. Heisenberg

[mtman]

Humor set aside for just a minute; I am seriously looking for old astrology books, that date back in the 1800's or very earily 1900's, for my personal study project. Especially interested in any books by: Fakir Chandra Dutt; James Mars Langham; Sepharial; L. Edward Johndro; George Bayers; W.D.Gann; Albert Ross Parsons; or any writings by the members of the late 1800's Astrology or Chirological society. Thank you kindly, Rick

[hhEb09'1]

Humor set aside for just a minute; I am seriously looking for old astrology books, [humor on]
I think the BA has his old supply somewhere around here...
[humor off]

[Eric Vaxxine]

Hairdresser required urgently.

Visit A. Einstein, at Ombudsman Village, Split Ends Close, New Clear Town.

[Thomas(believer)]

Wanted: a bit of information

G. Boole
C.E. Shannon

[speedfreek]

Wanted: A bit of information from a black hole.

S. Hawking

[Mellow]

Hairdresser required urgently.

Visit A. Einstein, at Ombudsman Village, Split Ends Close, New Clear Town.

Awww now come on Eric, is a Hairdresser that different from my Barber at the top of the thread?

[Eric Vaxxine]

I am SO sorry....I just...ignored your post didn't I?
My 'pologies!

[Selenite]

WANTED--Self-starting, early to rise apprentice to assist in the marketing of:

--Franklin Stoves
--Lightning Rods
--Bifocal Glasses
--Pithy Almanacs
--Translation Services
--Patent Application Services
--Freemason Initiation Party Favors

Some print industry experience necessary

Ben Franklin's Thrift Print & Sprint 1776 Pennysaved Place

[Eric Vaxxine]

Positive Conductor needed for Cage.

Make contact with Mr Faraday.

[speedfreek]

Wanted: Rare debut LP by "AC/DC" called "High Voltage". I have no money but am willing to swap my full collection of LPs by "Van de Graaf Generator".

N. Tesla

[Eric Vaxxine]

Reliable housekeeper needed for my Ohm.

Interviews to be held in my vault.
Mr Watt

[Crux Australis]

Wanted: massive boson to give mass to all other bosons.

Contact Higgs

[foreignkid]

WANTED: Jesus
REASON: To quiet the Millerites.

[Eric Vaxxine]

Life saver sought by exceptional aviator.

Contact Amy Johnstone.

[tdvance]

Wanted: a spherical cow, to check a solution to a physics problem (http://www.bbsonline.org/Preprints/SHEPARD-SPECIAL/Commentators/.Boroditsky.html).

[foreignkid]

Wanted -- $MONEY$

Contact:
Public Inquiries Business Center
Suite 1M32
Washington, DC 20546-0001
202.358.0001 (phone)
202.358.3469 (fax)

[torque of the town]

Wanted
New, but less ambitious project



God

[Spacer X]

Flat...everything is always flat!
Excerpt from Flat Earth Society Bulletine
:D

[Roy Batty]

Note to Milkman: I need 20 extra pints of milk delivered tomorrow s'il vous plait
(it keeps going off!).

Regards,
Louis Pasteur.

[torque of the town]

WANTED: more multi-lingual culture


s'il vous plait

[Roy Batty]

WANTED: more multi-lingual culture


s'il vous plait
You're welcome. S'il vous Plait seemed appropriate in more than one way ;)

[torque of the town]

Wanted

French Thesaurus

[Eric Vaxxine]

Headstrong woman required.

Contact Henry the 8th