Daily affirmations

[Swift]

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

Today, I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.

The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.

Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.

Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

[Peter Wilson]

I will leave my mind open to possibility my enemies may be mistaken.

[Peter Wilson]

A hero lies within me.







(See? He just lied again!)

[Weird Dave]

I will do some useful work and not waste my time on BautForum.

No wait... :doh:

[Arneb]

I was going to say that, having to prepare a case presentation for tomorrow :wall:.

[Peter Wilson]

I will forgive posting of admissions in affirmations thread.

[Peter Wilson]

I will clear my mind of...of...:think:

It will come back to me.

[Maksutov]

ADVERSITY

That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

[Maksutov]

APATHY

If we don't take care of our customers, maybe they'll stop bugging us.

[Maksutov]

BITTERNESS

Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world, because there's nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweet dreams.

[cjl]

Laziness

Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running.

[Maksutov]

COMPROMISE

Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.

[damienpaul]

I will not eat my studentss.... I will not eat my students... I will notea...<gulp> whoops DANG!

[peteshimmon]

I will continue to revive a thread or two.

To be ignored when you know they know there
is something to ignore will be gratifying.

I will always ignore rule six!

[cosmocrazy]

I will endeavour to post on this thread in the future but on this occasion i will pass.

[Swift]

I will limit myself to a maximum of seven suspensions and three bannings a day.

[Fazor]

I will continue to make weak, hard-to-follow analogies and jokes that really only make sense to myself.

I will try my best to ignore when I'm corrected, in order to maintain consistency in my mistakes.

I will continue my relentless pursuit of bad journalism, while also blindly ignoring the good examples.

Etc. etc.

[mike alexander]

REALITY

Everyday when I wake up I will tell myself, "It's only a movie."

[Buttercup]

I don't know, I'm confused. Help! Help!

[Swift]

I don't know, I'm confused. Help! Help!
OK, remain calm, here's what you do... get a very big glass of water. Drink it very slowly. Then count to 99 in 3s (3, 6, 9, 12,....). Now, put your arms out and turn very slowly clockwise; turn for at least 3 complete revolutions and stop so you are facing south.

Did you do it?

Did it help? I didn't think it would, but you never know.

[cosmocrazy]

From this day forth i shall take all of Swift's advice and put it to good use, err no make that no use..! :lol:

[cosmocrazy]

Buttercup, the truth is i'm always confused and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to help! so take it from me - stay calm, keep quite nod your head huh huh... ignorance is bliss! :lol:

[cosmocrazy]

Oops did i just let the cat out of the bag? and I was doing so well!! I think maybe my avatar had already given it away!:)

[Buttercup]

Thank you, Swift: It worked! :D

Cosmocrazy, I want to be a bee too. Weeeeeee! :)

[cosmocrazy]

Bee my guest! sorry couldn't resist... :D

[mike alexander]

SUCCESS

You do not have to be faster than the wolf, just faster than the guy next to you.

[dwnielsen]

Remember that if you don't finish your plate, there are lots of people starving in the world - so you're better than them.

[AndrewJ]

You'll regret it if you don't trust your hunches!

[AndrewJ]

You're gonna get hurt at some time in the future so there's no point analysing the past.

[peteshimmon]

Every morning I will be thankful for a new
day granted and will set out to use it for
some positive purpose.

Each daily meal will be appreciated with due
deference to the efforts made to bring it
before me.

Every evening I will make sure my vast
collection of wax dolls are well skewered.

[uncommonsense]

Take a break from this place and clear your head; but don`t stay
gone too long, as the earth is turning (allegedly) and you don`t
want to miss a single "spin" as to why.

[Big Brother Dunk]

I will be the ball.

[timb]

I am direct and powerful with the women I desire.

[cosmocrazy]

I will conquer all my fears from this day forth i shall fear no man.

[Buttercup]

Today (and tomorrow and the next day) I'll enjoy my husband going 250 miles away to visit relatives, because he's been getting on my nerves. :D

[cosmocrazy]

I will always fear women though! And i reckon BC's hubby is off before he feels the wrath! :lol:

[timb]

I will always fear women what sort of affirmation is that?? Affirmations are supposed to be unrealistically positive. Just google and you'll find lots of good stuff like I light up the world around me with a smile on my face. I glow with happiness from the inside out. Bonus points if you can find icky ones like I found.

[Hungry4info]

Just google and you'll find lots of good stuff like I light up the world around me with a smile on my face. I glow with happiness from the inside out.

Haha wow that's sickeningly repulsive. But you're right, terribly unrealistic.


Bonus points if you can find icky ones like I found.
Good luck follows me wherever I go. Today and everyday I visualize rainbows in the skies and a pot full of golden opportunities. I am truly blessed! :LOL:

[mike alexander]

Deteriorata

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.

Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.

Rotate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself
and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.

Know what to kiss... and when.

Consider that two wrongs never make a right... but that three lefts do.

Wherever possible, put people on hold.

Be comforted that in the face of all arridity and disillusionment,
and despite the changing fortunes of time,
there is always a big future in computer maintainance.

Remember the Pueblo.

Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.

Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.

Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
especially with those persons closest to you...
that lemon on your left, for instance.

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
would scarcely get your feet wet.

Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face.

Gracefully surrender the things of youth,
birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan,
and let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Hire people with hooks.

For a good time call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.

Take heart amid the deepening gloom
that your dog is finally getting enough cheese,
and reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot,
it could only be worse in Milwaukee.

You are a fluke of the Universe.
You have no right to be here,
and whether you can hear it or not,
the Universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with your god,
whatever you conceive him to be:
hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
the world continues to deteriorate.

Give up

[KaiYeves]

My mother would love me even if I was a demented skull-head tadpole-thing. Were this not the case, she would have thrown away the ultrasound photographs of me years ago.

[peteshimmon]

I will consider the World an ants nest and
be careful not to disturb it.

I will remember the early morning Sun on the
dew of the leaves and grass of a wooded
country lane in late spring.

I will worry about people who are worried.

But not too much.

[sarongsong]

Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.

[dojmo]

what ?

[dwnielsen]

Remember that the stars are just little remnants of Phaethon's wanton ride.

There might a billion Earths out there, with a billion yous, only doing everything you do a little better.

Just look at how great the world is around you, and think how little you'll ever get to see.

Should you see it, it would probably be mostly waste and filth. The pretty parts are just a shallow escape from your own issues and deficiencies.

If you are rich, make certain that you show pictures of all the places you went to others. Then remind them them of a wise saying attributed to Mohammed: "Don't tell me how educated you are, tell me how much you traveled".

Just remember, by doing what you truly love, you are disconnecting from the people who might one day stoop to loving you. You'll regret this one day, and they will be there with a stake at the ready.

[mike alexander]

Life is a journey; I suggest travelling First Class, the seats are more comfortable.

[sarongsong]

Ah---spoken like a true member of the San Diego Airport Authority (http://www3.signonsandiego.com/stories/2009/oct/02/airport-panel-caps-members-expenses/?uniontrib)! :lol:

You can't always get help, but you can always give it.

[Swift]

Stupidity got us into this mess, why can't stupidity get us out?

[sarongsong]

You can't argue with a sick mind.

[uncommonsense]

I am a ghost. If you believe me, I am; if not, I am not. Some will believe, many will not. The point is, I am now more a ghost than before I said I was.

[dwnielsen]

Never refuse money or advice, except this.

[dwnielsen]

Don't ever check your statusbar before you click on a link.

[Spoons]

It takes a village to raise an idiot.

[uncommonsense]

It is by will alone i set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Saffu that thoughts acquire speed; the lips acquire stains; the stains become a warning. It is by will alone i set my mind in motion...........

[mike alexander]

Motion is relative.
Vodka is absolut.
200 proof alcohol is neat.
Pure acetic acid is glacial.

[Swift]

Motion is relative.
Vodka is absolut.
200 proof alcohol is neat.
Pure acetic acid is glacial.
Here you go Mr. Alexander, vodka, neat, vinegar packed olive, swirled gently. Can I get you anything else?

[sarongsong]

...and the local paper (http://ufos.about.com/od/visualproofphotosvideo/ig/Best-UFO-Photographs/1950paultrent-jpg.htm)... http://www.bautforum.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Hungry4info]

...and the local paper (http://ufos.about.com/od/visualproofphotosvideo/ig/Best-UFO-Photographs/1950paultrent-jpg.htm)... http://www.bautforum.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Found a goodie there. :doh::doh:
http://ufos.about.com/od/visualproofphotosvideo/ig/Best-UFO-Photographs/1972apollo16-jpg.htm

[uncommonsense]

Today I will defeat you. Escape the cruel weight you place upon me evrery waking day. You will no longer hold me down - like a prisoner chained to the ground. Today I will fly in the face of your attempts to force me at will. Bring it on, gravity!

[thoth II]

to work on my little demons , in short, to be less of a grouch ( come to think of it, Michael Savage must be rubbing off on me, he's a big grump who goes on long rants)

to invent a time machine to get rejuvenated

that should pretty much take care of it

[Hlafordlaes]

I vow to never, ever, trust the engineering department, sales team, or CEO with deadlines or promises.

I shall henceforth subscribe more fully to all the good lies about myself.

I shall endeavor to wipe that silly smile off my face, and return it to the ape in the corner office who inspired it.

Today I will finally send that note of condolence to Pluto and invite him to my Mickey Mouse planet club.

[Buttercup]

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

I want to work. WANT to work.

Don't want to spend $$. Don't want to hit the mall and Kohl's right now and blow a couple hundred $$. :o

[Swift]

Life is like a box of chocolates... it is little paper cups inside of it and if you leave it in the back seat of your car on a sunny day it will melt.

[Buttercup]

Life is like a box of chocolates... it is little paper cups inside of it and if you leave it in the back seat of your car on a sunny day it will melt.

Yeah. Or your poodle attacks the bag and gobbles up all the chocolates before you can grab it back!

(I don't have a poodle, but this happened to some friends)

[Noclevername]

I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.

[Swift]

I'm a little teapot, short and stout.

[Noclevername]

If I think I can fly, then I can fly. Which way to the roof?

[Noclevername]

May you live long and prosper, and use the Force.

[Swift]

May you live long and prosper, and use the Force.
... and eat a peach, its the best fruit god ever created.

[Buttercup]

The next 2 hours of work will fly by. They will. Meanwhile, I love my work. I want to work instead of reading. :p

[Eric Vaxxine]

Traffic wardens employ the philosophy that The Customer Is Always Wrong.

[emmylou]

I am a stronger person than I was yesterday but a little weaker than I will be tomorrow.

[Eric Vaxxine]

Life ain't short.....it's the longest thing we ever experience.

[Noclevername]

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and darn it, people like me.

[Eric Vaxxine]

People like me dress smart, I'm, I'm good. Darn it, enough.

[Noclevername]

I'm the north pole-- everything revolves around me.

[Eric Vaxxine]

I'm the north pole-- everything revolves around me.

Ha haaaa.....your magnetic but not straight up!

[Solfe]

"I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm cute." My son at age 3.

[Sarawak]

I will confound my enemies.

[Noclevername]

I am a rock, I am an island. Preferably Maui.

[Sarawak]

Don't worry, don't stress out. The police will never, ever, find that body.

[Noclevername]

What is best in life? To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, to hear the lamentations of their women.

[Sarawak]

And to cook them and eat them.

[Noclevername]

I'm so hip I frequently have difficulty seeing over my own pelvis.

[Noclevername]

This year I vow to keep more vows.

[Swift]

I'm so hip I frequently have difficulty seeing over my own pelvis.
I'm so cool I have difficulty maintaining an adequate homeothermic state.

[nosbig5]

I am a human being, not a human doing.

[Noclevername]

I am not an animal, I am a human being!

[Sarawak]

I am a human being, and an animal.

[Noclevername]

I affirm that it's today.

[Sarawak]

No matter how bad today is, tomorrow could still be worse.

[Noclevername]

No matter how bad it gets, at least I'm not on a reality show.

[Sarawak]

I'm not unknowingly on a reality show, like Noclevername is.

[Noclevername]

At least my reality show is on the Playboy channel. (Stop it, ladies, I'm typing! Oh, all right, I'll join you in the grotto.)

[Sarawak]

99.6% of all people are less like me than I am.

[swampyankee]

Tomorrow will be better.

Or at least not worse.

Well, at least not too much worse.

[Noclevername]

If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

[Sarawak]

Tomorrow will be better. Unless it is worse. Or the same. Or not comparable.

[Noclevername]

Don't you know that you are a shooting star, and all the world will love you just as long, as long as you are?

[Sarawak]

And the white knight is talking backwards.

[Noclevername]

All this has happened before, and all this will happen again. Get it right next time.

[Sarawak]

It's OK to screw it up this time then.

[Noclevername]

I'm a beautiful butterfly. Now someone get me out of this &@#$% coccoon.

[Sarawak]

Stay in your cocoon, it's safer there.

[Noclevername]

At least punch some air holes!

[Sarawak]

When you have faith, you don't need air!

[Noclevername]

Faith left me, and she took the kids, the house and my dog. But at least I can write a country song about it.

[Sarawak]

When you play a country song backwards, you get your dog back, your truck back, and your girlfriend back!

[Noclevername]

Today I will conquer my fears, just as soon as I remember how to unlock my Panic Room.

[Sarawak]

Today, I will transfer my fears to Noclevername.

[Noclevername]

Today, I will transfer my fears to Noclevername.

I am now recieving Coelacanth's fears...

Wait, what did Elmo the Muppet ever do to you?

[Sarawak]

Salty isn't really leaving.

[Noclevername]

I feel pretty, oh so pretty.

[Sarawak]

When all is said and done, there won't be anything left to say or do.

[Noclevername]

Without Salty, F&G has less flavor.

[Sarawak]

And also less flavour.

[Noclevername]

I will resolve the differences between U.S. spelling and UK spelling, with flavor, color and valor.

[Sarawak]

I will do so over a nice tasty enchilada.

[Noclevername]

Life is tough, but it beats the alternative.

[Sarawak]

Two more work days, then four days of weekend.

[Noclevername]

What's the executioner's favorite motivational poster say?

"Hang in there, baby."

[Sarawak]

Not to worry, I'm sure we'll make it back to the surface somehow.

[Noclevername]

The sky is not falling. The ground is just rising quickly.

[Sarawak]

There will soon be unprecedented unity between ground and sky!

[Noclevername]

Whoever dies with the most toys is still dead.

[Sarawak]

Dead toy owners are everywhere.

[mike alexander]

The difference between you and compost is information. Stay informed.

[Sarawak]

There is a real life beyond the internet.

[Noclevername]

Feel safe and secure in the knowledge that Big Brother is watching over you.

[Sarawak]

I have a clever name.