Not the guideline and advice game thread

[Frog march]

In this thread you post "helpful" advice and guidelines for posting on the BAUT forum- not too dissimilar to the rule thread but that is for rules.

[Frog march]

you must do your best to accuse other members of being spammers.

[Eric Vaxxine]

Always post using white letters. Only senior members may use black letters on fridays.

[ToSeek]

Use thread titles like "Isn't this interesting?" or "I have a question" instead of anything that suggests the actual content of your post.

[Eric Vaxxine]

Every second word should have an interesting underlined link. Especially if it is a long post.

(not just underlined like mine)

[ToSeek]

Post In All-capitals For No Reason.

(Heh. It won't let you!)

[teri tait]

Randomly employ italics for no apparent reason. It draws attention from the fact that you are not really saying anything important or even related to the discussion.

[afterburner]

Always start your sentences with a capital letter. Posts should always be in bold, italic, underlined....AND with a smiley :lol:, as well as a title.

[ToSeek]

The :razz: more :o smileys :exclaim: you :neutral: have, :lol: the :) better. :silenced:

[Eric Vaxxine]

As a guideline, always agree with everything any posts and randomly contradict yourself at every possible opportunity.

[ToSeek]

As a guideline, always agree with everything any posts and randomly contradict yourself at every possible opportunity.

You're absolutely right, but I utterly disagree with you.

[korjik]

Weird. I thought I was in fun and games not ATM :D

You should only post when so annoyed by anothers post that you cant type straight. Ad hominem attacks are permitted then.

Remember to always evade requests for proof. Proof only makes you look weak

[antoniseb]

ad hominem attacks are only permitted by furious people, and then only against other people's deities, political leaders, or mothers.

[ToSeek]

Posts opposing space exploration are always welcome and met with cheerful responses.

[peteshimmon]

A warm welcome is always given to those with
slight doubts about Moon landings, ghosts,
extra terrestrial life, peak oil and plastic
raincoats. And parrots.

Please denote your level of common sense with
multiple question marks??

[Paul Beardsley]

A list of websites will provoke much more interest than anything you might have to say about the websites. 98% of BAUTers get really excited when they see a bunch of addresses, in much the same way that connoisseurs of fine food get excited when they see a bunch of unlabelled tins.

[mike alexander]

Unlabelled downloads of 10Mb or more are appreciated for the sheer volume of data they must contain.

Remember that American posters always know more on any given topic than foreigners, whether they do or not.

[Paul Beardsley]

Oh, contradicting Mike's post, keep in mind that the very fact that somebody is posting in English means they must be from the USA. And if they believe men* walked on the moon, they must be patriots who regard "American" as synonymous with "good".

*By "men" I mean of course two men - Louis Armstrong and Buzz Lightyear**. There were no other Apollo missions apart from Apollo 13, which was a failure, and no previous missions.

**I think somebody else made that joke before me.

[Swift]

Please resurrect old, unrelated game threads for posting your introduction to this forum. Most of us are just killing time at work and we need new distractions.

[agingjb]

Do not loose site of the importance of spelling. Use your dictionary to look up words like: vaccum, miniscule, nuetron, flourine, and many more. Get these right and your posts will be excepted.

[mike alexander]

Use of asterisks for *** words indicates a worldy sophistication, akin to a 19th century novel with a character named M.________.

[Swift]

Do not loose site of the importance of spelling.
No, no, no. Spel as baddlie as posible. And bad gramar, use it. It's a grate way to bee introduced to a lovelie young women who's go's by the handl of Gillianren.

[cosmocrazy]

Use word salad when at all possible because here on baut people like to go round and round sometimes beating round the bush to try and get a point across which most of the time has no real meaning or point associated with it especially if its totally unrelated to the original post and goes on and on with no full stops or paragraph breaks which can be useful when posting on a thread so that people reading your posts can get some idea about what you actually might be going on and on about and then once digested they can then reply with maybe a useful insight to what fact or theory you are delving into whether it be space or science related most of the time but occasionally could be completely off topic and only really relative to the person involved in the original subject that was posted to be discussed and debated by all here on baut .

[Nick Theodorakis]

POST IN ALL CAPITALS EVEN THOUGH THE BOARD SOFTWARE WoN'T LET YOU.

NICK

[cosmocrazy]

post in all capitals even though the board software won't let you.

Nick

thats just showing off!

[MAPNUT]

How come everybody's giving bad advice here? The OP clearly asks for "helpful" advice, and one of the most important rules is to always adhere scrupulously to the intent of the OP.

Even the advice on how to meet Gillianren isn't that good. There is way too much bad grammar and spelling here for her to keep up with. You're better off to just plain disagree with her. ;)

[PetersCreek]

ZOMG DuDez, wen U post like dis, it makes U l00k Rly k00l so U can has st33t cred. LOLZ

[Paul Beardsley]

ZOMG DuDez, wen U post like dis, it makes U l00k Rly k00l so U can has st33t cred. LOLZ

So what's "st33t" cred? Ha ha, I pwn you!

[PetersCreek]

Sp33ling is 4 lamerz dat R BAUT, paid 4, and pwned by da MAN!!!!! I has ur cheezeburger 2!

[Paul Beardsley]

All your bases are bel... No, I cannot say it, I will not say it.

[DonM435]

To keep the mood jolly, use lots of these . . .

<lol> <lol> <lol> <lol> <lol> <lol> . . . <lol> . . . <hyperventilating!> <hellllp!> <zzzzzzz>

[MAPNUT]

Well, that's good advice! >)

[Swift]

All your bases are bel... No, I cannot say it, I will not say it.
And, given your restraint, I will absolutely not say "I, for one, welcome our new Guildeline and Advice overlords". In fact, I won't even think it.

[peteshimmon]

Do NOT believe everything you read here!


Make an exception for the above.


One of us always tells lies!

You can isolate this poster eventually by
asking others "what would .... say?".

But it is a long haul!

[Swift]

Do NOT believe everything you read here!

I don't believe that.

[Paul Beardsley]

I don't believe that.

I think you do.

[Paul Beardsley]

I think you do.

No you don't!

[Paul Beardsley]

Oops, sorry, I thought I was in the Argue With Yourself thread.

[Paul Beardsley]

Oops, sorry, I thought I was in the Argue With Yourself thread.

Rubbish. You knew full well you weren't!

[peteshimmon]

You will discover that everyone on BAUT is
ultra intelligent!


Except for those who ain't.

[mike alexander]

I have derived the wave function of an elephant. Please send me your answer, along with a money order for $US250 and I will tell you if you are correct. Full ab initio calculations preferred, Hartree-Fock approximation acceptable with a large enough basis set.

I will shortly post my answer to the question: What does the diffraction pattern produced by shooting pumpkins through a herd of elephants look like? Hint: Assume the pumpkin stems have been removed.

[peteshimmon]

See what I mean!

[mike alexander]

I have derived the wave function of an elephant. Please send me your answer, along with a money order for $US250 and I will tell you if you are correct. Full ab initio calculations preferred, Hartree-Fock approximation acceptable with a large enough basis set.

I will shortly post my answer to the question: What does the diffraction pattern produced by shooting pumpkins through a herd of elephants look like? Hint: Assume the pumpkin stems have been removed.


I should have added that while the elephant is walking at 12 km/hr you may use the Born-Oppenheimer approximation and assume it is standing still.

[Swift]

Prof. Alexander, could you review the Six Elephants in a Nine Dimensional box problem again? Schroedinger's cat may or may not have eaten my answer.

[Swift]

What does the diffraction pattern produced by shooting pumpkins through a herd of elephants look like?
AH! So you are using DToFAPD (Dynamic Time-of-Flight Analysis by Pumpkin Diffraction).

Personally, for elephants, I prefer SPBS (Secondary Peanut Backscattering Spectroscopy).

[pghnative]

Escribe tus mensajes en idiomas distintos del Inglés.

[pghnative]

In this thread you post "helpful" advice and guidelines for posting on the BAUT forum- not too dissimilar to the rule thread but that is for rules.
Every second word should have an interesting underlined link.
Use thread titles like "Isn't this interesting?" or "I have a question" instead of anything that suggests the actual content of your post.
Do not loose site of the importance of spelling. Use your dictionary to look up words like: vaccum, miniscule, nuetron, flourine, and many more. Get these right and your posts will be excepted.
POST IN ALL CAPITALS EVEN THOUGH THE BOARD SOFTWARE WoN'T LET YOU.

Sp33ling is 4 lamerz dat R BAUT, paid 4, and pwned by da MAN!!!!! I has ur cheezeburger 2!
Well, that's good advice! >)
You will discover that everyone on BAUT is
ultra intelligent!
I should have added that while the elephant is walking at 12 km/hr you may use the Born-Oppenheimer approximation and assume it is standing still.
AH! So you are using DToFAPD (Dynamic Time-of-Flight Analysis by Pumpkin Diffraction).

Personally, for elephants, I prefer SPBS (Secondary Peanut Backscattering Spectroscopy).
Escribe tus mensajes en idiomas distintos del Inglés.Force the software to nest quotes.

[mike alexander]

I have a terrible problem with quotes nesting in my eaves. Piles of quotation marks under the nests are making an unsanitary mess.

[Swift]

I have a terrible problem with quotes nesting in my eaves. Piles of quotation marks under the nests are making an unsanitary mess.
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" """"" """""""""""" """""""""""""""" """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" """""""""""""""""" """""""""""""" """"""""""" """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" """""""""""""""""""""" """"""""""""""""" """""""""""""""" """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" """"""""""""""""""""""" """""""""""""""""""""""""""""" """""""""""""""""""""""" """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" """"""""""""" """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Oh great! Now its spreading.

[uncommonsense]

Modo Patronics

Utilizing this BAUT post - ulate means you will do well to refrain from criticizing a Moderator's "humorous" posts. Instead, just smile and wave.

[agingjb]

When typing the title of a new CT or ATM thread it is extremely important, as a sign of serious intent, to make at least one obvious spelling error. This is merely optional in other threads.

[mike alexander]

When typing the title of a new CT or ATM thread it is extremely important, as a sign of serious intent, to make at least one obvious spelling error. This is merely optional in other threads.

Excellent point. Also, whenever possible, do NOT indicate whether a number in an equation is an exponent, e.g., E=mc2, not E=mc2

It increases the suspense.

[pghnative]

Include the word "time" in every thread title.

[LaurelHS]

Post wild conspiracy theories, then when someone asks you to defend them, say you're "just asking questions" and therefore don't need to defend anything.

A link to a YouTube video is an adequate answer to all questions.

[AstroRockHunter]

When confronted with the facts, respectfully point out that the person who is correct is obviously being paid by "them" and therefore cannot possibly be right.

Use whatever language you feel appropriate and always be sincere, whether you mean it or not.

[dwnielsen]

In order to receive your free subscription* to Using Smilies with Fervor and Panache, please fill in the following:



Name:

Bank account number:

Pin (this will be kept secure):

Favorite Barbara Mandrell song:
*first issue free, each thereafter $4 million

[DonM435]

I should have added that while the elephant is walking at 12 km/hr you may use the Born-Oppenheimer approximation and assume it is standing still.

Hey, no politics here! Cut it out unless you also have some donkeys doing silly things as well.

[mike alexander]

Invent your own mathematics, e.g., E = MC Escher

[uncommonsense]

If you forget all other sensibilities, just trust that "the last to post wins"

[DonM435]

Invent your own mathematics, e.g., E = MC Escher

Merv Griffin was just an emcee. Johnny Carson, now, 'e was an emcee squared.

[Paul Beardsley]

Invent your own mathematics, e.g., E = MC Escher

I wish I'd said that!

[DonM435]

I wish I'd said that!

To go along with Escher, wouldn't you need, say, Norman Rockwell for the "square"? :confused:

[Spoons]

Wear your heart on your sleeve, but make sure it's an 'around the house' shirt. And repeat your posts for emphasis. People dig that. Plus paragraphs are sooooo pre lol era so scrap them maybe even do away with sentence stucturealltogethercosiseasiertoreadthen STOP! Smilie time! :D :D :D :D

[nosbig5]

New members are encouraged to increase their post tally by inserting comments at random, with no clear intent.

[Spoons]

I agree.

[mike alexander]

Yup.

[peteshimmon]

Also ignore members birthdays, perfect
spelling and their reaching some significant
multiple of ten post count. Only encourages
them.

[ABR.]

Any and all posts are vastly improved with the simple addition of a smilie. Actually, the more smilies, the better.

[uncommonsense]

If you start a new thread, try using just a few "shock and awe" words in the title that are even vaguely related to to subject - you will be pleased when tracking your number of views.

For example if you have a simple question about geological impact pressures, the thread should be titled "Global Gravity Break Through"

[Spoons]

Post as though nobody could ever have possibly thought of what you are saying, and don't read the previous posts in the thread.

Also, try using just a few "shock and awe" words in the title that aren't even vaguely related to the subject - you will be pleased when tracking the number of views.

Anyone need an example?

[Frog march]

try to possess other posters, and make them go down the shop to buy donuts.
when they are satiated with donuts, they are less likely to argue with you...or they get jam all over their keyboard..

[mike alexander]

Whenever possible, use New Scientist or Discover as primary sources for data. They are more authoritative than Wikipedia because they are printed on paper.

[ABR.]

Remember, as a bicyclist you may follow the rules and laws for motor vehicles or those for pedestrians. It is up to you to decide which set is appropriate for your activities at any given moment.

[Spoons]

Treat posting in the Proving Grounds section like riding a bike - always wear your helmet.

Sometimes the heat can be unbearable - as a reflective insulation fold some aluminium foil over thrice and slip it under your headgear. Don't concern yourself with the social stigmata.

[mike alexander]

Treat posting in the Proving Grounds section like riding a bike - always wear your helmet.

Sometimes the heat can be unbearable - as a reflective insulation fold some aluminium foil over thrice and slip it under your headgear. Don't concern yourself with the social stigmata.

Fold the foil and crease it thrice,
And use it to protect your head,
From astral dangers thick with dread,
While eating a large pizza slice.

[Spoons]

Tinfoil protects the neuron flesh,
Pizza comments will attract Mahesh,
Thoughts go up, and thoughts go down,
Thoughts resonate my tinfoil crown.

[Strange]

If you feel that the other forum members are ganging up on you, why not create several accounts under different names to back up your own arguments.

This practise is known as "sock puppeting" because it is sooooo cute!

[mike alexander]

When presenting visual data such as photographs, be sure that the resolution is no more than one tenth that necessary to definitively answer the question.

NB: By definition, the resolution will ALWAYS be about one tenth that necessary to answer the question. If adequate resolution accidentally is achieved, change the question.

[Strange]

You should use the maximum JPG compression as well, to reduce the file size. And always use your own versions of the images, avoiding stating where the original came from.

[Spoons]

Example:

MacGuyver is at my window. He looks really hungry - I'm scared. He's carrying something which appears to be an alien obelisk that was seen in the LRO images.

I'll just grab my camera.

*snap*

Does anyone recognise this? It's clearly a swan smoking a cigar:
http://privatewww.essex.ac.uk/~sjs/research/colour_blocks.png

I can't believe the GOVERNMENT has been lying to us all this time.

[Paul Beardsley]

I can think of twelve things.

(Not all at the same time.)

[Spoons]

And I can tell you what you were thinking of. Though I shan't.

If you disagree you are wrong. It's an easy game to play, so long as you remember that.

[mike alexander]

Dimensional analysis is for suckers.

[Paul Beardsley]

I'm currently reading The Silmarillion, but not the one Tolkien wrote - this is a very different book that just happens to have the same title.

[mike alexander]

I'm currently reading The Silmarillion, but not the one Tolkien wrote - this is a very different book that just happens to have the same title.

What does this have to do with guidelines and advice?

I am asking a direct question.

[peteshimmon]

Ah yes...posting while intoxicated can produce
interesting effects which attract the attention
of other members.

[Paul Beardsley]

What does this have to do with guidelines and advice?

I am asking a direct question.

Mike, if you really need me to answer this question, you're as closed-minded as someone who doubts Sitchen.

Now get yourself over to the If You Discovered A Planet thread and respond to my ad hominem attack on you. (Please.)

[Spoons]

Congrats on 5,000 posts Frog March! Each one more <enter characterisation here> than the last! And the new sig.

[Frog march]

Congrats on 5,000 posts Frog March!

thanks!,

Kilopeny?




Each one more <enter characterisation here> than the last!

I do my best. :D

[Spoons]

Kilopenny for your thought...

Ah, all that hard work and you've gone and ruined it by posting again. No more glory for another 4,999 posts.

As little Annie says, "It's a hard knock life for us".

And now, back to the thread: Paul, your evasiveness has been noted, your tyres let down.

Tip for the day: STRANGE COLOURS ADD DEPTH AND MEANING TO A POST.

PARTICULARLY PASTELS

[peteshimmon]

Every thirtieth reply on a thread is
normally reserved for me!

Please remember that.

:)

[mike alexander]

End every missive, especially those where you think you have demolished your opponent, with a whistling smiley figure.

[Spoons]

Posht djrunk!

[Hungry4info]

Post In All-capitals For No Reason.(Heh. It won't let you!)

Everyone knows Caps Lock is cruise control for "cool" :lol:

[peteshimmon]

Always remember that the good cop bad cop
routine is used on you when you post strange
stuff!

[Swift]

Always remember that the good cop bad cop
routine is used on you when you post strange
stuff!
You might wish to admit to posting strange stuff like this before my partner moderator gets back here. He doesn't like strange posts... I'm mean he really doesn't like them.

[mike alexander]

Thank you, Bruce.

[peteshimmon]

Always remember that everyone on BAUT is more
intelligent than yourself,,,though you may be
pleasantly surprised sometimes.

[mike alexander]

Always remember that everyone on BAUT is more
intelligent than yourself,,,though you may be
pleasantly surprised sometimes.

Thank you for the reminder.
I've always suspected I am more intelligent than myself, but am just too dumb to realize it.

[peteshimmon]

You're welcome.

A really good post is one where you know some
are awake all night!

What did he mean? I mean really mean? What..
what..what dammit..what.

:)

[Paul Beardsley]

My pet peeve is hordes of Daleks coming down and exterminating passers-by.

Now I know that 98% of the time this only happens in fiction, but the important thing is to ensure that contents of one thread spill out into another.

(Triangles of Toblerone are known as Alps. It's true! And that's an anagram of Slap and Pals and Lapse but without the E.)

[mike alexander]

My pet peeve is hordes of Daleks coming down and exterminating passers-by.

Now I know that 98% of the time this only happens in fiction, but the important thing is to ensure that contents of one thread spill out into another.

(Triangles of Toblerone are known as Alps. It's true! And that's an anagram of Slap and Pals and Lapse but without the E.)

My pet peeve is people putting their pet peeves in the wrong thread.

I also cannot stand people who point out irrelevant inconsistencies.

[Swift]

Now I know that 98% of the time this only happens in fiction, but the important thing is to ensure that contents of one thread spill out into another.

Clean up in the "Guideline" thread

[Spoons]

You know what would really soak that up nicely? A dry ferret.

Unhelpful tips like these should be spread liberally throughout posts.

[peteshimmon]

Quotations from Shakespeare liberally
sprinkled in your posts can give a nice
impression of learning, however misleading.

"Since every Jack became a gentleman
There's many a gentle person made a Jack."

[uncommonsense]

Be subtle..

[uncommonsense]

...about increasing...

[uncommonsense]

...your post count.

[Spoons]

Attach photos of squirrels to your posts. It adds character.
http://othersideoftheplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/Pirate_squirrel_1.jpg

[closetgeek]

Nothing finishes an argument more eloquently then Boohyah!

[Spoons]

You got served! Boohyah!

(Hey, you're right... awesome)

[uncommonsense]

Can I try?......."knock knock"......"who's there?"......."Boohyha!"......."Boohyah Who"...................rock on.

[Spoons]

Mmm... yes, a very strong point.

[mike alexander]

Make a note that theory is basically indistinguishable from myth.

[Swift]

Make a note that theory is basically indistinguishable from myth.
http://www.csd.uwo.ca/~jamie/images/musical-note.gif

[LaurelHS]

Make a note that theory is basically indistinguishable from myth.
And don't trust anything scientists say; after all, scientists have occasionally been wrong in the past, so just assume they're also wrong now.

[Swift]

And don't trust anything scientists say; after all, scientists have occasionally been wrong in the past, so just assume they're also wrong now.
LaurelHS is absolutely right, you can't trust anything a scientist says. And since I'm a scientist, you should trust that statement (or this one).

[mike alexander]

I just pretend to be a scientist.

If you're wondering who I are, I'm currently second trombone in the Titipu Orchestra.

[Spoons]

Ah, you're the one that makes that wacky music when I walk gingerly through crowded streets.

My advice for today would be this: Occam's razor is for bikini lines, not your posts. It's well known that Occam was a self-harmer anyway, so all his statements are obviously hollow.

http://shop.neatorama.com/avactis-images/occams-razor-l.jpg

[peteshimmon]

Post accurate theories in the ATM section.
That really confuses members.

[mike alexander]

Post accurate theories in the ATM section.
That really confuses members.

And another coffee-cleans-the-screen moment from peteshimmon!

[Paul Beardsley]

The mods get a great deal of enjoyment from changing people’s usernames for no reason.

Some recent Username Changes:

Staple Gun is now Cordwainer Smith

SlapMeWithAHalibut is now SlapMeWithACod

Mildred Roper is now Mildred Trembler, following her divorce from George

ApolloWasAFake is now ISupposeTheEvidenceIsConvincingAfterAll

mike alexander is now Helen Shapiro

And moderators stress that there can never be too many threads called "Angels=Aliens"

[mike alexander]

mike alexander is now Helen Shapiro

Don't treat me like a child!

[Swift]

And moderators stress that there can never be too many threads called "Angels=Aliens"
The only thing better are threads complaining about our moderation of any one of the dozens of "Angels=Aliens" threads (which not surprisingly are also titled "Angels=Aliens").

[Spoons]

Evidence is for pedants. If you really want to prove your point, use emotive words and finish your post with an imbedded picture of a banana.
http://mytko.org/random/banana.jpg

[Strange]

When you are getting bored or frustrated by a thread, why not post an offensive joke to liven things up. Surely everyone will see the funny side.....

[Swift]

Randomness, like bananas, comes in bunches.

[LaurelHS]

If you find an image of the Moon that looks blurry, post it here immediately, along with an angry rant about how NASA blurred the picture deliberately to hide something.

[jja]

If a picture is worth a thousand words, a film clip is worth a million. Post plenty of video links and let them do the talking.

[Spoons]

There's nothing more powerful than foul language.

Personally, I sleep with a hatful of crude words under my pillow. Pick one out first thing in the morning, and use it in a post before your good sense catches up to your fingers.

[peteshimmon]

Let the mods post their zodiac signs so we
know how best not to upset them at certain
times.

[Swift]

Please resurrect old, unrelated game threads for posting your introduction to this forum. Most of us are just killing time at work and we need new distractions.
Quote yourself.

[peteshimmon]

Each Monday remind members it is Monday!

:)

[Swift]

Answer: Everything is done in the style of the TV show Jeopardy.
Question: What is the newest non helpful advice for posting on BAUT?

[Solfe]

Where is the Angels VS Aliens thread?

[mike alexander]

When cooking rice, water thrice.

[Paul Beardsley]

Each Monday remind members it is Monday!

:)

Point out how often New Order rereleased the single Blue Monday every other Monday unless you're feeling blue.

[swampyankee]

Always continue posting to threads where everything possible has been said.

Twice.

[Swift]

Always continue posting to threads where everything possible has been said.

Twice.
^^^^^ What he said!